The Simpsons & Futurama Fanworks Central

[Lisabella]

*bows to both Aoife and Chris*

Thank you both for the compliments - and aoife, I'll consider throwing in your suggestion

[aoifestorm]

That would make me so happy, Missay.    It really would.

[Lisabella]

Part the third!

[Just Chris]

Bliss! Another chapter, just in time for Christmas.

This is, in general, very good indeed. All I can do is make some more specific points.

For once a single glare had cut down an aggressor.

Excellent.

Typo: "lightening" should be "lightning". The flashback scene is great, though. Molotov is very seductive.

and she leaned in and with a quick swipe of her tongue and swallowed a bead of sweat from his upper lip.

Great scene, but that last "and" really shouldn't be there. (I'll leave it to you as to whether you can "swallow" something with your tongue.)

I love the characterisation of Sally Impossible, and your use of the word "depowered".

It's "Papillon", not "Papillion".

The description of Dean's journey is good and scary. It might need a bit more detail, though. Generally, you keep a very good pace here, keeping a good slim narrative, but some more detail to make it feel longer wouldn't hurt.

Her name is "Myra".

At that point, her cell phone rang.  She answered it for the distraction.

Another beautiful line.

It's "Orpheus", not "Orpheous".

“Dad!  Is The Alchemist retired to the Bahamas a year ago and Jefferson Twilight is in a diabetic coma!

That "is" doesn't look like it should be there. (I like the future of the Triad members, though.)

a dark shadow crossed Byron’s face.

"dark" probably isn't needed here. Most shadows are.

Well... what can I say without gushing? Your writing is as jealousy-inducing as ever, suspense is tight, and there are some nice bits of humour to lighten the mood. It's definitely grabbed me now.

[aoifestorm]

What happens next, what happens next? I really liked the dinner scene...poor Triana.

Mol and her toilet paper!   For someone who goes on spy missions in places like Monte Carlo, you'd think she'd be ok.  But, that's how Jackson and Doc made her.
Meowwwwww on that licking sweat off of Doc's upper lip, during the flashback.

Write some more Missayyyyyyyy!

[Just Chris]

The toilet paper joke is a reference to high quality consumer goods being hard to acquire legally in Russia. I suspect Mol sells it on the black market, or possibly stocks it up for her old parents... unless she killed them or something... hmm...

EDIT: IGNORE ME!!

[aoifestorm]

Yeah, it's definiitely a Soviet-era thing, same with the American jeans....
I just loved that Missay still has Mol wanting toilet paper.

[Lisabella]

Thanks, Chris!  Nothing much to add to your suggestions - I'll fix up and post the final draft soon!

[Lisabella]

Just a quick note to say this fic is updating over at venture-industries.com as well (perhaps exclusively, depending on what happens with this sub-board)

[Lisabella]

Posting up the final chapter here for the enjoyment of certain folks 'cause I'm getting an error at the VI board.  Hope it was enjoyed!

[Just Chris]

I reviewed the last chapter here.

I won't repeat my review, but suffice it to say I found this story exciting, well-written and in keeping with the show, with great characterisation abounding. Congratulations on finishing such a good work!

[Lisabella]

Thanks so much, Chris, will respond on VI!