The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

We aren't limited to fanfic. Any writing that doesn't fit elsewhere can go here. Feel free to post poetry, stories, articles, ideas and any other fiction or non-fiction you wish.
Locked
hadisia
General Control Officer
General Control Officer
Posts: 3492
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2001 9:10 pm
Location: Richmond, Indiana, USA
Contact:

The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by hadisia » Tue May 25, 2004 1:37 am

Just some original work of mine, inspired by "House on Mango Street." It seems like it should be angsty, but it isn't. I think.
Extremely short. And stream-of-consciousness-y, maybe. Um...
Attachments
The_Jewelry_Box_Grandma_Couldnt_See.doc
(24 KiB) Downloaded 549 times
WELSH: What the hell was that?
FRASER: The sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WELSH: Oh, Turnbull.
-"Mountie Sings the Blues," due SOUTH
User avatar
JM
New SNPP Employee
New SNPP Employee
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Apr 11, 2004 5:07 am
Location: The amazing central Texas hill country

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by JM » Wed May 26, 2004 11:40 pm

Hay. Neato Eckle.
You could base so many compositions off that that it's almost insane! ;D

Seriously though - I hope you go somewhere with this 'cause it's looking real deep and full of potential. Heck, the way it is right now would be a great thing to write first in a newspaper article or somebody's autobiography.
Last edited by JM on Wed May 26, 2004 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
JM: Is this situation too serious, or am I asking too many questions?
Reasonable voice in the night: You're asking too many questions.
[a little while later]
Distant Radio that no one notices until now: ... Can't stop the spirits when they need you
This life is more than just a read-through ...
hadisia
General Control Officer
General Control Officer
Posts: 3492
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2001 9:10 pm
Location: Richmond, Indiana, USA
Contact:

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by hadisia » Thu May 27, 2004 5:37 am

Thanks. I just felt like being artsy. I'm actually more apt to writing comedy now...a big step from my angstangstangst writin' days of junior high.
WELSH: What the hell was that?
FRASER: The sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WELSH: Oh, Turnbull.
-"Mountie Sings the Blues," due SOUTH
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11489
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Running after something that I'll never kill
Location: Redacted, Redacticaster

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by c_nordlander » Sat Jun 12, 2004 9:11 pm

Very short indeed, but quite well-written. I always admire very short, gem-like work (appropriate here), and people who can use the second person without sounding either pretentious or like utter idiots.

Not angsty, really, just very quietly sad. You have talent, if I'm any judge.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
hadisia
General Control Officer
General Control Officer
Posts: 3492
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2001 9:10 pm
Location: Richmond, Indiana, USA
Contact:

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by hadisia » Sun Jun 13, 2004 8:05 am

I know it's not angsty...it just feels like it's about to burst into an angstfic as any time...
Well, I say angstfic. It's not really a fic, it's a true story. Angstnonfic?
Whee, thanks! [Stores compliment into jewelry box]
WELSH: What the hell was that?
FRASER: The sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WELSH: Oh, Turnbull.
-"Mountie Sings the Blues," due SOUTH
toby1
New SNPP Employee
New SNPP Employee
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2004 2:31 am

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by toby1 » Tue Jul 06, 2004 2:18 pm

I liked that very much and found it particularly intriguing and graphic.

Does the jewelry box represent a) You, b) Your Grandmother, c) The link between you and your grandmother or d) all of these. The imagery seems to work really well on all of these levels.

Your grandmother passes on and the jewelry box colour dissolves in the rain ("dissolves" not being the most precise word). a) Your feelings blending and changing after her death- becoming dulled at all? (I won't say "dissolving" into depression because I'm sure the sight of her pale, skinny and on tubes wouldn't have been ever uplifting but there seems to be a particular link between depression and beauty), b) the image/memory of her becoming more vague in your mind (or even her soul blending and "merging with the infinite"- NB I don't have any specific religious beliefs but I've been reading a bit of Joseph Campbell lately and he portrays a vivid image of souls merging with a greater energy in the afterlife) c) the "dissolving" of your link with her.

None-the-less, you say the final image of the box is even more beautiful than before which suggests that something more beautiful lies beyond life- or that it's helped your own self grow and become more beautiful. This is countered by the, almost abrupt, statement that your grandmother can no longer see the box- either ironic in some way or definite that she no longer exists in any form.

Geez- You only wrote one paragraph and I feel like I could go on like this for hours. I'll stop now.
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11489
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Running after something that I'll never kill
Location: Redacted, Redacticaster

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by c_nordlander » Tue Jul 06, 2004 2:24 pm

Now *that* is what I'd like to call a review! :)
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
hadisia
General Control Officer
General Control Officer
Posts: 3492
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2001 9:10 pm
Location: Richmond, Indiana, USA
Contact:

Re:The Jewelry Box Grandma Couldn't See

Post by hadisia » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:58 pm

Um...wow. Thanks. I wish I could say that I'm that symbolic, but...actually, it all happened. The rain, the colours, the roses and everything else. Maybe I'll take a picture and post it.
Your knowledge of symbolism is truly awesome. You remind me of someone I know...
WELSH: What the hell was that?
FRASER: The sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WELSH: Oh, Turnbull.
-"Mountie Sings the Blues," due SOUTH
Locked