A Question
- Terry Y
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A Question
Attached is the first draft of a script I wrote for my Production Design class. Now, my teacher really liked everything except the ending, which I thought was kinda weird. It's my typical guy-doesn't-get-the-girl ending, but actually, in a way, he kinda does. I tried to explain it to him, but he insisted on a happy ending.
What do you folks at home think?
Oh, and PS - It's supposed to be a totally visual story. No dialogue.
What do you folks at home think?
Oh, and PS - It's supposed to be a totally visual story. No dialogue.
- Attachments
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- The Last Dance.doc
- (23 KiB) Downloaded 1058 times
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food." - Julia Child
- c_nordlander
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Re: A Question
Me, I like it as it is! (Gee what a surprise. But I think I have reason to.) The ending is determined by the rest of the plot (short as it is): changing it would mean having to change the whole story.
I'm obviously not a film teacher, and I don't want to ruin your chances or anything, but I think this is as good as it can get. And your question aside, yes, I found it great. The silence just adds to the ambience. I particularly like when the protagonist tries to speak to the woman in the end.
I'm obviously not a film teacher, and I don't want to ruin your chances or anything, but I think this is as good as it can get. And your question aside, yes, I found it great. The silence just adds to the ambience. I particularly like when the protagonist tries to speak to the woman in the end.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
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Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Re: A Question
Hm. Well I don't know. To me the ending seemed to say that the man was getting over the trauma of the accident that he'd been carrying with him since school. Perhaps even forgiving himself for it. That makes it a happy ending in my mind, because he allows them both to part whole.
or perhaps she's forgiving him and letting him be free of the loneliness he's endured since losing her.
Anyway, the ending is sort of bitter-sweet because she's gone, but she's always with him. I liked it too. I'm not sure there'd be any other way to end it that wouldn't end up as a cliché - I mean, what is the teacher after? The idea that she survived the crash and came back after all these years in her prom dress just to dance in the parking lot with him? Right. I really like your ending better.
or perhaps she's forgiving him and letting him be free of the loneliness he's endured since losing her.
Anyway, the ending is sort of bitter-sweet because she's gone, but she's always with him. I liked it too. I'm not sure there'd be any other way to end it that wouldn't end up as a cliché - I mean, what is the teacher after? The idea that she survived the crash and came back after all these years in her prom dress just to dance in the parking lot with him? Right. I really like your ending better.
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
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Re: A Question
So good, I had to quote it.Archonix wrote: - I mean, what is the teacher after? The idea that she survived the crash and came back after all these years in her prom dress just to dance in the parking lot with him? Right. I really like your ending better.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
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Re: A Question
Unfortunately that's exactly the sort of dross that the Hollywood mainstream has a habit of churning out. Personally Terry, I think your ending is far, far superior, it's subtle and thought provoking. The trouble is, if your teacher is working from the perspective of what you have to do to get a script past a movie exec who wouldn't know inspiration if it wandered up and set fire to his tailored suit, then he may have a point...The idea that she survived the crash and came back after all these years in her prom dress just to dance in the parking lot with him?
There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning....
And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave....
So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
Hunter S. Thompson Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave....
So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
Hunter S. Thompson Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
- Terry Y
- Senior Executive
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- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2003 5:31 pm
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Re: A Question
Thanks, guys!
The whole point of this class (the teacher says, and though he's an arrogant prick, I do trust his judgement) is to convey ideas in a totally visual way, so I see his point. He says that since he's not happy in his current place, something should happen to him so that the two can be together. What I'm thinking of is that after they dance and she retreats back into the shadows, he runs after her and gets hit by on oncoming car. Before he knows what's up, the girl is by his side and they dance into the night. Fade to black. Kind of a compromise, but I think it'll work.
It's also a lot like the project I did for the same teacher last year, where a guy wakes up and meets Death. The fact that I'm revisiting this theme makes me feel kinda morbid, but whatever.
Thanks for reading, guys! I actually hope to be able to show you all the finished product! It'll be either photographs or storyboards (or both? I dunno yet) put on a DVD and set to music. Again, no dialog or lyrics.
Actually, the whole idea is that she's a ghost. I plan on showing this by having her all in white and stuff like that there.The idea that she survived the crash and came back after all these years in her prom dress just to dance in the parking lot with him? Right. I really like your ending better.
The whole point of this class (the teacher says, and though he's an arrogant prick, I do trust his judgement) is to convey ideas in a totally visual way, so I see his point. He says that since he's not happy in his current place, something should happen to him so that the two can be together. What I'm thinking of is that after they dance and she retreats back into the shadows, he runs after her and gets hit by on oncoming car. Before he knows what's up, the girl is by his side and they dance into the night. Fade to black. Kind of a compromise, but I think it'll work.
It's also a lot like the project I did for the same teacher last year, where a guy wakes up and meets Death. The fact that I'm revisiting this theme makes me feel kinda morbid, but whatever.
Thanks for reading, guys! I actually hope to be able to show you all the finished product! It'll be either photographs or storyboards (or both? I dunno yet) put on a DVD and set to music. Again, no dialog or lyrics.
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food." - Julia Child
Re: A Question
I like that ending as well. I thought she might be a ghost but I decided to err on the side of caution and assume it was his imagination. But a ghost works too.
For music, might I suggest Ashram?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=oHM9HeYxJUg
(I realise you probably can't use it, but it's a nice piece regardless)
For music, might I suggest Ashram?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=oHM9HeYxJUg
(I realise you probably can't use it, but it's a nice piece regardless)
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
— Piet Hein - Grooks
— Piet Hein - Grooks