Treatment "Neverknowne"

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Gulliver63
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Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Wed Jan 16, 2013 10:40 pm

I wrote this at work last December, and nearly forgot about it. For a long time I've had a fantasy world called "Neverknowne" where humans share an Earth with centaurs, cyclopes and the like. It was sort of a steampunk world that I threw together with some Tolkein flavoring. A high-mana world, it was mostly run by powerful wizards. This was just my way of playing around on the playground, but I really liked the character of Miss Chen...a tough centaur government agent. Again, as always, the playground gate is definately open.
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Neverknowne.doc
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Miss Chen Development small.jpg
"We are today's creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature..."
David Bowie
c_nordlander
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby c_nordlander » Thu Jan 17, 2013 8:19 pm

This sounds like an interesting idea! I like the title (the final "E" is a little bit cheesy, but it still works). The design for Chén looks great, too.

Moving on to the story.

Typo: you "pore" over a document, not "pour".

Apart from that, I like this. It manages to transmit quite a lot of detail about the world in a short time, and without being info-dumpy. I got quite a good feel for the characters, and I quite like Geraghty, despite his racism. It's a bit dialogue-heavy, but that works for this kind of scene. Definitely seems like it could make an interesting novel.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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Gulliver63
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 1:28 am

Thanks! It's one of those things that might develop into something someday. I kind of like the way that the elves factor into the food chain of society. It's fun to try different things...
"We are today's creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature..."
David Bowie
c_nordlander
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Posts: 11489
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Running after something that I'll never kill
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby c_nordlander » Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:03 am

Yeah, the bit about the elves was my favourite part.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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Gulliver63
Sub-sector Control Officer's Assistant
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:42 am

And the other part I wrote about the army is oh so true - if it looks good on paper, it looks good.
"We are today's creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature..."
David Bowie

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