The Natural History of the Internet Troll

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c_nordlander
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The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:52 am

Troll (n.): an Internet poster who feigns immense stupidity/emotionality/mental problems in order to anger fellow posters.

Now, I've decided to make a list of some of the more interesting subspecies:

One-Trick Troll (Trollus monomanus)
No matter what the subject, this troll will inevitably twist it towards its own favourite topic, normally in such an abrupt fashion that nobody else can see a link.

Hitler Troll (Trollus Nazigermanicus)
Recognisable by its distinct "YOUR JSUT LIEK HITLER!" call, this specimen has been declared extinct, but still propagates by mutation.

Politics Troll (Trollus politicus)
Cropping up in every political discussion, this troll has no concept of a middle road. Recognisable by its inability to adhere to any opinion either right of Pol Pot or left of Mussolini.

Fundamentalist Troll (Trollus fanaticus)
This troll is often found lurking on movie discussion boards. It will mention Satan a lot, and is usually the owner of a numerous offspring, many of which have attempted to fly/developed homosexual tendencies due to immoral entertainment. A more flamboyant relative of the Politics Troll.

Intellectual Troll (Trollus paradoxus)
Distinguished by its better-than-average spelling, and occasionally camouflaging as a sane person, this troll will use considerable resources of education and natural ability to e. g. squick fellow posters by finding incestuous themes in a children's cartoon. Quite dangerous, due to its ability of mimicry.

Unintelligible Troll (Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus)
This troll, more than any other species, is remarkable by its immensely messed-up spelling and syntax, to the point of incomprehensability. May sometimes be a case of False Troll.

Strawman's Troll (Trollus schizophrenus)
A scourge of message boards, this troll is spawned solely to act as an adversary to a "normal" poster, in order to make them look good. Swift action may be in order to stop the flame war of which this species lives.

False Troll (Pseudotrollus)
While usually considered a troll, this is in fact a distinct species. See IDIOT.
Last edited by Anonymous on Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by SirMustapha » Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:42 pm

I need to hang this on my bedroom wall. :)
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by Bothead » Mon Jun 20, 2005 7:45 pm

Kind of ironic that trolls can't read this.  ;D
Before continuing, it may be in your best interest, dear reader, to stop and ponder this. Picture it in your mind's eye. An evil one-eyed midget named Cheatum swam across the Gulf of Mexico wearing a shark fin on his back and then planted a bomb on a boat. Think about that. Let that sink in. Now. Wouldn't you want to buy a wrestling show after seeing this?

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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by Jon » Mon Jun 20, 2005 8:49 pm

Sure we can!
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I've heard that guy's an idiot.
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by Hellfish » Mon Jun 20, 2005 9:56 pm

Hehe, cool stuff. Mind if I make an addendum?

The pachydermus subspecies of any of the above.
Thickskinned buggers that will go through great lengths to circumvent bans and the like to keep their sinister agenda moving.

Edit: Cripes, reading that again I mistook myself for a Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus..  ::)
Last edited by Hellfish on Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by Stretch_Dude » Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:43 pm

Hellfish wrote: Hehe, cool stuff. Mind if I make an addendum?

The pachydermus subspecies of any of the above.
Thickskinned buggers that will go through great lengths to circumvent bans and the like to keep their sinister agenda moving. ;D
Another board I'm on had one of those. Jerk kept coming back even after numerous IP bans, and one time even commandeered other members' accounts to spew his gibberish.
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by aoifestorm » Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:40 am

Ahahhaaha, Awesome find, Chris!  This one is going out to friends.  :D
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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by c_nordlander » Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:32 am

Thanks, Markus! I'll definitely remember that one (and credit its describer) if I ever make an updated version of the list.
Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it.
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it, but you know it's there, so don't neglect it.


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Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll

Post by OARRIAGA2001 » Tue Jun 21, 2005 3:41 pm

Good one Chris, I will keep this for reference for my future "forum" ahemm..  webpage, It seems that you are always on top of things and for that I'll give you a thumbs up.
Last edited by OARRIAGA2001 on Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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