FIC: Beauty Queen Sister (1/1) (G)
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
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- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
FIC: Beauty Queen Sister (1/1) (G)
So I finally wrote a little something! And it's set in the Holidays of Future Past version of continuity :p Hello, completely pointless fluff. I ran this through a quick beta, but posting here first because there's no such thing as a flawless piece.
SUMMARY: Maggie brings her infant daughter home for a visit. The more things change, the more they remain the same.
SUMMARY: Maggie brings her infant daughter home for a visit. The more things change, the more they remain the same.
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- BQS.rtf
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- Tony_Baritone
- Advisory Technical Manager
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Re: FIC: Beauty Queen Sister (1/1) (G)
Nitpicks: "stirrs" and "Powell".
Short yet awesome. Loved Maggie as the prophet without honor. Lisa and Bart are funny and dead-on IC, as are the spiritual cameos. Maggie's memories of the foundation of her musical life are the heart and soul of the piece.
Short yet awesome. Loved Maggie as the prophet without honor. Lisa and Bart are funny and dead-on IC, as are the spiritual cameos. Maggie's memories of the foundation of her musical life are the heart and soul of the piece.
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
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Re: FIC: Beauty Queen Sister (1/1) (G)
Some nitpicks, apart from the ones Tony pointed out:
A couple of tense changes, which I assume aren't intentional: "spoke", "she'd visited", "there was", "didn't have time".
"Herb Powel created" should be "Powell" (as Tony already pointed out), and also needs a hyphen.
"wiz" should be "whiz"
Obvious typo: "theses streets" should be "these"
That aside, this is a very good story. I haven't seen the episode it's based on, but that wasn't an issue. It especially picked up after the first couple of paragraphs: I liked Maggie's snarkiness about Lisa's very progressive parenting skills, and the description of Bart trying to cope with his first child is great. The characterisation of all three siblings is excellent.
The last three paragraphs are just great. Maggie's various memories feel unique and vivid, and you have some beautiful phrases here, especially at the very end.
So yeah, I don't have any improvements to suggest, except for fixing the tense changes and occasional typoes. This is short, but beautifully written and with great characterisation of Maggie and her siblings. Excellent work!
A couple of tense changes, which I assume aren't intentional: "spoke", "she'd visited", "there was", "didn't have time".
"Herb Powel created" should be "Powell" (as Tony already pointed out), and also needs a hyphen.
"wiz" should be "whiz"
Obvious typo: "theses streets" should be "these"
That aside, this is a very good story. I haven't seen the episode it's based on, but that wasn't an issue. It especially picked up after the first couple of paragraphs: I liked Maggie's snarkiness about Lisa's very progressive parenting skills, and the description of Bart trying to cope with his first child is great. The characterisation of all three siblings is excellent.
The last three paragraphs are just great. Maggie's various memories feel unique and vivid, and you have some beautiful phrases here, especially at the very end.
So yeah, I don't have any improvements to suggest, except for fixing the tense changes and occasional typoes. This is short, but beautifully written and with great characterisation of Maggie and her siblings. Excellent work!
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: FIC: Beauty Queen Sister (1/1) (G)
Thanks so much, guys! I'm really, really pleased that you liked the flavor of the story and the characterization; I'll sift through it for the flaws you found before putting up the final version.
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"