OPINIONS: "Once Around"

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missy_misery
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OPINIONS: "Once Around"

Post by missy_misery » Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:44 pm

This is my assignment for Small Fandom Fest. Just some simple Fry/Leela post-series fic, nothing too fancy, and currently unbetaed.

SUMMARY: Fry and Leela have a second chance. The question is - what do they do with it?
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: OPINIONS: "Once Around"

Post by c_nordlander » Fri Jul 11, 2014 6:19 pm

Typo check: "semidarkness" should probably have a hyphen; "aeons old" needs one as well; "eden" should be capitalised.
I’m sorry,‭”
This is missing quotation marks at the start.

"s'lvous plait" should be "s'il vous plaît" (I guess the first word could be slurred because of dialect, but you should at least have the circumflex on the "plaît").
“TRIPLETS‭?” ‬Squeaked Fry.
"squeaked" shouldn't be capitalised.

I like that Leela wants to adopt. Many writers (myself included) seem to assume that she and Fry would have biological children, but if she wanted to adopt her children when she was living with Adlai, why would she stop feeling that way when living with Fry?

Pretty sweet story, and it made me giggle a bit (the bit about a personal robot is one of the funniest lines). There's nothing I think needs changing, except for the few typoes I pointed out. On the downside, there's not a whole lot to it, other than sweetness. It's possible that I'm lacking the necessary background since I haven't seen the final episode, but it feels like this story doesn't add a whole lot to it (apart from the discussion about having kids).

That said, there isn't anything wrong with it, and it's pretty much ready to go up as a finished story, as far as I can tell. It's lovely.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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missy_misery
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Re: OPINIONS: "Once Around"

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 21, 2014 1:32 pm

Thank you for catching those typos, Chris!

I'd like to think they'd adopt and have a biological child of their own down the line - and Fry would be a stay-at-home dad.

I'll clean this up and post it over in its final form in a bit!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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