Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
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Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
I used to complain a bit about how Lisa's Wedding should have been at least a little more elaborated, so I finally decided to write an "add-on" myself.This short story takes place mere seconds after the vision of Lisa's future ends.
A slight warning, though.It may sound a bit depressed so if you're already feeling down, you may wan't to read a comedy script instead.Comment and Critique as you desire.
A slight warning, though.It may sound a bit depressed so if you're already feeling down, you may wan't to read a comedy script instead.Comment and Critique as you desire.
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Last edited by Hellfish on Fri Jan 07, 2005 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
And what's the deal with traffic theory?
Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Ohhh, pretty dark themed...The little touchy scene with Maggie at the end kinda' polishes it off, but still, ouch! Did you recognize a name in the obituaries when you wrote this? (Now, I'm not dissing it, if fact I think it's pretty good, so don't give me heat about this!)
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
A great effort; very within Lisa's mindset of that ep.
- c_nordlander
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Ooh, very nice, and not quite as depressing as I'd thought. Still very sad. There's not much I can say about it... I don't find it easy to write about emotions, but I think you do it well. Bits that stand out are "After all, it's the dirt I grew out of" and "Damn you for being not to blame". Also the ending. Hard to describe, but it touched me. Great to see Maggie comforting her sister, too.
Some formal nitpicks: it should be "trees", not "tree's", and you seem to have forgot to put a space after the punctuation in some places. (Unless that's the format screwing up on my computer.) Once you've fixed these mistakes, this story will be very good indeed.
Some formal nitpicks: it should be "trees", not "tree's", and you seem to have forgot to put a space after the punctuation in some places. (Unless that's the format screwing up on my computer.) Once you've fixed these mistakes, this story will be very good indeed.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Thanks for the comments,all!
Ekko: Thankfully,no. Just a general cruddy day. :-/
Immaterial: I hope it was touching in a good way.
And no,that was my bloopers. I think I got em all now,though.
Ekko: Thankfully,no. Just a general cruddy day. :-/
Immaterial: I hope it was touching in a good way.
And no,that was my bloopers. I think I got em all now,though.
And what's the deal with traffic theory?
Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Well that's good to know, tell me, is your ending over?
Can you withstand the power of my super taunt?
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Ehm, I'm not sure what you mean with "Is your ending over?".
And what's the deal with traffic theory?
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
Anyway, found this in the archives of old attachments and thought I might as well ask:
Does anyone remember who wrote it? It's great writing , and could've saved me reinventing the wheel.
Does anyone remember who wrote it? It's great writing , and could've saved me reinventing the wheel.
And what's the deal with traffic theory?
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Re:Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
It was written by none other than our own Terry. Sadly, he never got around to finishing it...
Anyways, here's a link to the past. *is shot for such a bad ref*
http://www.simpworks.com/forums/http://simpworks.com/phpBB3/viewforum.php?f=3;action=display;threadid=4176
Anyways, here's a link to the past. *is shot for such a bad ref*
http://www.simpworks.com/forums/http://simpworks.com/phpBB3/viewforum.php?f=3;action=display;threadid=4176
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<gkscotty|drawing> you seem to have TVTRopes
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Feels kinda pointless since I don't actually do stuff at Gaia, so I'm putting it here.
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Re: Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
to that i stand and applaud. A masterful piece of work that tugs at the heartstrings. a cruudy day can yield the best from some. i am like that. i bad day can turn into great and poineint writting. keep it up.
He stood tall on top of the mountain of his ancestors and looked down to see his home. He let loose a loud howl. He is now a man, but not just a man. He is now a true Wolf and others are sure to follow him.
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Re: Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
I don't think I should read it. I'm very depressed. Oh, what the heck!
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Re: Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
i read both and found that both are very good. the new one in semi-verse is better than the old one, but the old one is better used in a story line. it would fill a very open subject. not many think about what happened after or what could happen before. if i'm not making sense don't worrry. it's all alright.
He stood tall on top of the mountain of his ancestors and looked down to see his home. He let loose a loud howl. He is now a man, but not just a man. He is now a true Wolf and others are sure to follow him.
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Re: Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
I don't know why I haven't replied to this yet. Lisa is my favorite character. Probably, because I find myself more in to her demeanor than any other character.
Heh! I'm 29 and still single. And not looking for a girlfriend right now. Not that I think is a waste of time, not that I'm a weirdo like some people I know around the neighboorhood thinks. Is just that there is so much more about finding a life-companion than just having pleasure for a few moments. Or, sometimes because you feel lonely. That is wrong. I prefer to be the way I'm right now and who knows when the time comes; I will find someone who completely understand. me. Someone broke my heart back in highschool, so life does teach us lessons. The descisions that we make are going to have repercussions, is not like we are kids anymore.
The part where Maggie comes to hug Lisa is something that directly touch my heart. It shows how fraguile a person is regardless how smart they are. It is pretty touching.
Seriously, Hellfish, if you are reading this. You could write something really nice out of these ideas. It can be another fan-fic classic like what "Lisa Fitzgerald" is now.
I was really transported to another place when reading your descriptive lines. I could feel it.
Heh! I'm 29 and still single. And not looking for a girlfriend right now. Not that I think is a waste of time, not that I'm a weirdo like some people I know around the neighboorhood thinks. Is just that there is so much more about finding a life-companion than just having pleasure for a few moments. Or, sometimes because you feel lonely. That is wrong. I prefer to be the way I'm right now and who knows when the time comes; I will find someone who completely understand. me. Someone broke my heart back in highschool, so life does teach us lessons. The descisions that we make are going to have repercussions, is not like we are kids anymore.
The part where Maggie comes to hug Lisa is something that directly touch my heart. It shows how fraguile a person is regardless how smart they are. It is pretty touching.
Seriously, Hellfish, if you are reading this. You could write something really nice out of these ideas. It can be another fan-fic classic like what "Lisa Fitzgerald" is now.
I was really transported to another place when reading your descriptive lines. I could feel it.
I really loved the first line, too. It showed how pathetic she was feeling.What a beautiful day it is. What a beautiful, horrible day. The wedding dress drags in the dirt behind me,but I don't really mind.
Last edited by Anonymous on Tue May 02, 2006 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Never judge a book by its cover.....
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Re: Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath
well said OPerez, well said.
He stood tall on top of the mountain of his ancestors and looked down to see his home. He let loose a loud howl. He is now a man, but not just a man. He is now a true Wolf and others are sure to follow him.