Lisa's Wedding - The aftermath

[Hellfish]

I used to complain a bit about how Lisa's Wedding should have been at least a little more elaborated, so I finally decided to write an "add-on" myself.This short story takes place mere seconds after the vision of Lisa's future ends.
A slight warning, though.It may sound a bit depressed so if you're already feeling down, you may wan't to read a comedy script instead.Comment and Critique as you desire.

[Ekko]

Ohhh, pretty dark themed...The little touchy scene with Maggie at the end kinda' polishes it off, but still, ouch! Did you recognize a name in the obituaries when you wrote this? (Now, I'm not dissing it, if fact I think it's pretty good, so don't give me heat about this!)

[missygal21880]

A great effort; very within Lisa's mindset of that ep.

[c_nordlander]

Ooh, very nice, and not quite as depressing as I'd thought. Still very sad. There's not much I can say about it... I don't find it easy to write about emotions, but I think you do it well. Bits that stand out are "After all, it's the dirt I grew out of" and "Damn you for being not to blame". Also the ending. Hard to describe, but it touched me. Great to see Maggie comforting her sister, too.

Some formal nitpicks: it should be "trees", not "tree's", and you seem to have forgot to put a space after the punctuation in some places. (Unless that's the format screwing up on my computer.) Once you've fixed these mistakes, this story will be very good indeed.

[Hellfish]

Thanks for the comments,all!

Ekko: Thankfully,no. Just a general cruddy day. :-/

Immaterial: I hope it was touching in a good way.
And no,that was my bloopers. I think I got em all now,though.

[Ekko]

Well that's good to know, tell me, is your ending over?

[Hellfish]

Ehm, I'm not sure what you mean with "Is your ending over?".

[Hellfish]

Anyway, found this in the archives of old attachments and thought I might as well ask:
Does anyone remember who wrote it? It's great writing , and could've saved me reinventing the wheel.

[Meteorite]

It was written by none other than our own Terry. Sadly, he never got around to finishing it...

Anyways, here's a link to the past. *is shot for such a bad ref*

http://www.simpworks.com/forums/http://simpworks.com/phpBB3/viewforum.php?f=3;action=display;threadid=4176

[zekeprower]

to that i stand and applaud. A masterful piece of work that tugs at the heartstrings. a cruudy day can yield the best from some. i am like that. i bad day can turn into great and poineint writting. keep it up.

[Lisalover1]

I don't think I should read it. I'm very depressed. Oh, what the heck!

[zekeprower]

i read both and found that both are very good. the new one in semi-verse is better than the old one, but the old one is better used in a story line. it would fill a very open subject. not many think about what happened after or what could happen before. if i'm not making sense don't worrry. it's all alright.

[OARRIAGA2001]

I don't know why I haven't replied to this yet.  Lisa is my favorite character.  Probably, because I find myself more in to her demeanor than any other character. 

Heh! I'm 29 and still single.  And not looking for a girlfriend right now.  Not that I think is a waste of time, not that I'm a weirdo like some people I know around the neighboorhood thinks.  Is just that there is so much more about finding a life-companion than just having pleasure for a few moments.  Or, sometimes because you feel lonely.  That is wrong.  I prefer to be the way I'm right now and who knows when the time comes; I will find someone who completely understand. me.   Someone broke my heart back in highschool, so life does teach us lessons.  The descisions that we make are going to have repercussions, is not like we are kids anymore.

The part where Maggie comes to hug Lisa is something that directly touch my heart. It shows how fraguile a person is regardless how smart they are.  It is pretty touching.

Seriously, Hellfish, if you are reading this.  You could write something really nice out of these ideas.  It can be another fan-fic classic like what "Lisa Fitzgerald" is now.

I was really transported to another place when reading your descriptive lines. I could feel it.

What a beautiful day it is. What a beautiful, horrible day. The wedding dress drags in the dirt behind me,but I don't really mind.

I really loved the first line, too.  It showed how pathetic she was feeling.

[zekeprower]

well said OPerez, well said.