Eclectic prologue.
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Eclectic prologue.
It was very slow today that I was falling asleep during the job. We have 15 % occupancy in our hotel and only four arrivals during the whole afternoon, so I was browsing my brain for ideas to keep me busy - I had to stay there, at least to meet my schedule, even if I had no chance for a sale (no people).
So, I thought about writing something, remembering that I have some plans for a comicstrip and maybe a full story for the same. I wrote this:
Please tell me what you think.
It is a weird prologue, but I thought about doing something different from what I used to.
Because of the shortness of it, I will just write it here, but if any moderator wants me to take it off, I'll be happy to post an rtf file.
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Eclectic
The Simpsons sixteen years later
Heh!? For crying out loud, what are you trying to say?
No, Mr. Brockman! I guess you're confusing me entirely, I am not the one you been looking for.
Hmmmm. My family?
Nope. None of us has been that lucky. Yet.
Nah, Lisa? She is talented indeed, but her luck is like a cloud without water.
I do remember those days, when she was a middle-school student, wolfing down those books of her into her brain - not literally of course and then trying to plunge them into mine.
Whew! I could never keep up with her teachings.
You're making the hell out of a question there. -----
Altought, he is a Simpson male, he isn't dumb. You see, he ended up becoming a lawyer, a very respectfull one. Unfortunaly, he was not always the same, when he was young - before he even thought about going to college - got caught into the claws of corruption and fraud, but was given a second chance and between good or ill he chose good.
He still around, my brother, I miss him so much.
Me?!... Well, that is something I won't be able to answer just like that - I had a very unusual yet adventurous life, and it still is.
The story I'm going to tell you isn't just about me but about us three, it has to be like this because we were so close, that it would be impossible to separate mine from theirs and still be understandable.
So, I thought about writing something, remembering that I have some plans for a comicstrip and maybe a full story for the same. I wrote this:
Please tell me what you think.
It is a weird prologue, but I thought about doing something different from what I used to.
Because of the shortness of it, I will just write it here, but if any moderator wants me to take it off, I'll be happy to post an rtf file.
--------
Eclectic
The Simpsons sixteen years later
Heh!? For crying out loud, what are you trying to say?
No, Mr. Brockman! I guess you're confusing me entirely, I am not the one you been looking for.
Hmmmm. My family?
Nope. None of us has been that lucky. Yet.
Nah, Lisa? She is talented indeed, but her luck is like a cloud without water.
I do remember those days, when she was a middle-school student, wolfing down those books of her into her brain - not literally of course and then trying to plunge them into mine.
Whew! I could never keep up with her teachings.
You're making the hell out of a question there. -----
Altought, he is a Simpson male, he isn't dumb. You see, he ended up becoming a lawyer, a very respectfull one. Unfortunaly, he was not always the same, when he was young - before he even thought about going to college - got caught into the claws of corruption and fraud, but was given a second chance and between good or ill he chose good.
He still around, my brother, I miss him so much.
Me?!... Well, that is something I won't be able to answer just like that - I had a very unusual yet adventurous life, and it still is.
The story I'm going to tell you isn't just about me but about us three, it has to be like this because we were so close, that it would be impossible to separate mine from theirs and still be understandable.
Last edited by Anonymous on Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Never judge a book by its cover.....
Re: Eclectic prologue.
This is very original, and short enough for me to read it nicely and throughly
I liked it, a bit hard to follow it, but surely very nice
I liked it, a bit hard to follow it, but surely very nice
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
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Re: Eclectic prologue.
Very short, but a nice and attention-grabbing opening. Your writing is a lot better now, I only caught one serious mistake (it should be "literally", not "literarily"). Also, "of course" are two words, and I think you should replace "unluckily" with "unfortunately". Other than that, it's good! I can hear a distinct voice behind those words, and I like Maggie's comments about her brother and sister. Particularly the last sentence is very nice.
I look forward to reading more of this.
I look forward to reading more of this.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Re: Eclectic prologue.
Your english continues to improve - a very intriguing opening - I'm looking forward to seeing more!