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OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:22 pm
by c_nordlander
Not a full AOI yet, just the first segment: What if Bender could travel through time? More may or may not follow. (EDIT: Well, I have at least one more now.)

I'm a bit unsure about this one, since it's a bit long and feels unfunny in places, so constructive criticism is as welcome as ever, only more so.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:50 pm
by missygal21880
I definately wouldn't call this unfunny :-).  Your Bender's spot-on, and I laughed, so I was pleased.

I'll give it another read later on and see if I can come up with some concrit.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 2:25 pm
by Archonix
Laugh? I nearly gave myself a hernia!

In other words, it's funny. I noticed one spelling mistake though: bears should be beard, right near the end. :)

Everything else I'll tell you later, I recommend everyone read this straight away, though. It's fun, it's comical and the characterisation is, IMO, perfect. Or as close as can be.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 2:47 pm
by Meteorite
I really enjoyed this!  As others have said, everyone is in character and the humour is spot on.  Now, for the more indepth part! (And by indepth, I mean picking apart the fic and highlighting the bits I want to talk about.)

+ Both Farnsworth's and Bender's reasons for using the What If Machine were great and definitely in character. :)

+ Bender's line in the photo scene was great, as was the rest of it.

BENDER: Perhaps you were just trying to commit fraud.
HERMES (adjusting his collar): Yes, that was my first thought as well.

+ Again, the Professor is brilliant in the time machine scene.

! Pink bubble?  Rather unsual mode transport of time travel.  I keep thinking of Glenda the Good Witch of the North too. :)

+ I liked the fact that PARTON #1 thought Bender's name was Ben.  I don't know why, just do.

+ Same goes for Bender noticing the time on the stolen watch.  Just seems so much like the show somehow.

+ Abandoned Amusement Park!

+ Hee, Wellington's hat!

+ I love the magnet part.

BENDER (almost tearfully): What demonic, evil genius… (smugly) imprisons a *bending unit* in a cage?
Perfect. :D

+ "I don’t like hitting a fembot, so I’m just going to pretend you’re male."

Close up of the back of Bender’s head, as his hand reaches for a dial with three settings labelled FERENGI, ENGLISH and 18TH CENTURY FRENCH, setting it to the latter.
I like the Ferengi setting, but why does Bender have a setting for French?  Isn't it a dead language in 3000?

+ I love Leela and Farnsworth speaking French though.   :D

+ And a perfect ominous ending.

As you can see, I pretty much enjoyed everything, with only one or two things that I found odd.  I definitely can see this as being an episode segment. :)

Rating: A

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:02 am
by Kif White
Okay. I've finally now got around to reviewing this, as promised, so here's my thoughts.

It gets off to a good start, with some classic lines that are very in-character from everybody. I think, to date, this is actually your most show-like intro to a fic ever in fact. It starts out like an AOI episode would, and has some great character moments such as Fry and the flicking screens, Bender's dismissal of Fry going back in time, the fraud joke with Hermes, etc.

Hehehe, and like Leela, I also saw the problem in the "Back to the Future"-esque photo fading in the future, but Farnsworth's "explanation" is actually funnier than any explanation could be. :)

I have to give kudos to your Farnsworth too: his lines are absolutely brilliant here. Fantastically in character, they could all just slot straight into the show. I especially liked, "The fate of my most expendable employee rests in your hands! You must stop at nothing to turn him into a stiff frozen corpse!"

Voice-disguising machine! *LOL* And a Star Trek: TNG reference later on too. Nice. And you've just gotta have an abandoned amusement park.

Kudos for giving Bender another Napoleon connection too. They're always good. And Flexo wearing the Duke of Wellington's hat too is icing on the cake.

Love the magnet gag, especially with both of them. Though if it were an episode, the singing would probably go on a little long. As a fic it works okay though.

Bender bending the bars into the Schöner Brunnen ironwork has to go down as one of the best jokes in here too. It's just so Bender, and the fact he does it when he's got basically no time to it just fantastic. The following gag with Flexo just staring at the counter is definitely up there too. As is the dramatic battle having to move up to the top floor simply for effect.

Good use of Angleyne too, and an appearance by iHawk is always good for a laugh. And the twist with why Fry became scared of the robots is a great twist.

The seduction scene is hilarious, especially with the Nibbler getting squished gag.

I love the revelation that it was the time-travelling rocket that defeated the English at Waterloo, and Bender actually getting to meet Napoleon.

And that final revelation... well... very very clever indeed. The only small thing that stops it being foolproof though is that Flexo and Bender have different serial numbers. If you can explain that somehow, then it would work 100% fantastically.

Unfortunately (and this is something I should have picked up on and told you about earlier, but the fact had completely skipped my mind) the plot, once again, bears an uncanny resembelance to another Futurama comic: #7, where Bender asks the What-If? Machine what it would be like if he travelled back to 1999, and a whole Terminator-esque parody is done with Leela trying to stop Fry being frozen while Bender tries to save him.

Still, despite that, this is actually far, far better than the comic, which was actually pretty poor for the most part, and has far more inventive twists and turns, better uses of character, and is a lot more hilarious. The only real thing is for an AOI segment, it would be pretty damn long. Not sure whether that bothers you though, since it's a fanfic and not a show. Just saying that if you were to add another two of this length, it'd be quite a large fic overall.

To sum up: a hilarious and inventive piece. Probably your funniest yet actually, as far as big laughs go, because there's some seriously killer stuff in here. Everybody is brilliantly in-character, especially Bender, the Professor and Flexo. I'd recommend it highly to any Futurama fan.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:34 pm
by Terry Y
I gotta be honest, this one took a while to grab me.  However, though I think it started a little slow, it picked up in both action and humor toward the end.  Overall, it's pretty good!

You know, I always learn something new when I read your fics.  Now I know how to count backwards from 10 in 9 different languages!  Thanks!

Heheh, an appropos song for the scene.  Nice!

Let's see how my French is:

LEELA: Do you think they'll return soon, Professor?
PROFESSOR: Oh my, yes!

Is that right?

One character nitpick: While Bender is very much in character as far as motivation and action, his vocabulary seemed, at times, a little un-Bender-like.  It always seemed to me that Bender is the type who'd be too lazy to use words with more than three syllables.

Over all, very good!

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:36 pm
by c_nordlander
Thanks a lot for your comments, Terry! I'll look over Bender's dialogue closely while finalising this story.

A few points:

Much as I'd love to take credit for the multilingual countdown scene, I just stole it from its appearance at the same point of time in "Space Pilot 3000".

EDIT: Heh, I should have expected that.

Your translation of the French dialogue is correct, except that Leela asks "Do you think *Bender* will return soon?"

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:54 pm
by Terry Y
Immaterial wrote: Much as I'd love to take credit for the multilingual countdown scene, I just stole it from its appearance at the same point of time in "Space Pilot 3000".
Ah!  See, I knew there where that scene came from but I didn't know the different languages.  So, therefore, you still taught me something.  ;)

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:33 pm
by c_nordlander
Second segment: What if Leela had been adopted?

Slightly more dramatic than most Anthology of Interest stories, but not much. All comments and suggestions for improvement are highly desirable.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 5:16 pm
by Terry Y
Well, it certainly was dramatic! 

The story was actually quite good.  I do think it was maybe a bit too dramatic for an AoI story.  Maybe a little bit of humor to balance it out towards the beginning.  Leela's characterization was pretty good, though she seemed awfully formal at times.  Though, I suppose with the strict training she'd received over the years, that should be expected. 

"A growing girl like you needs her irons and trace substances" is still my favorite line! 

I knew Zap would show up sooner or later!  Maybe he could have a bigger part?

Nice cameo from Bender who, as always, you got spot on!

Fnog!  I figured he'd show up too!

A very nice story, overall!  Though, my German's a bit rusty, so I'm sure I'm missing something at the end!

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 2:18 pm
by Meteorite
A very good second segment!  Dramatic, as you said, but not over the top which makes it enjoyable to read.

+ Vogel was spot on!  Highly enjoyed his scenes.

All reading matters will self-destruct within five seconds!
Hee!  I love that line. :)

+ I suspected that was Zapp.  Seems a perfect position for him at this time.

! The What If Machine conking out in the middle was an unusual touch.  Can't help but wonder if it means something in the final segment.

* "LEELA (putting the gun back):"
I could not find anything that suggested that Leela drew or even had a gun in the first place.  So, you may wanna edit a bit.

+ Bender was great, as always. :D

+ Loved Nixon's line.

+ The scene on the plane was also great. :)

- I've noticed Leela saying 'Gee' a lot.  This just doesn't strike me as a Leela...ism.  It sounds more like you in fact. :)

+ And the ending is so wonderfully twisted from the expected. :)

All in all, a nice segment that doesn't overshadow the first one, but nevertheless still enjoyable.  :)

Rating: B-

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 4:22 pm
by c_nordlander
Thanks for the reviews, Terry and Alex! All your suggestions have been taken on board.

The mention of a gun was purely and simply a mistake on my part. I originally had Leela threatening Laura with a gun, but decided it would be too impulsive for her, so I changed it. Then I must have forgotten to edit out the reference to the gun later. Thanks a lot for alerting me to it.

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:36 pm
by missy_misery
Oooh, this was a gut-punch of a piece and yet it's filled with a wonderful, twisted dark humor.

The Zapp cameo was actually rather sweet.

You built up wonderfully to the revelation of why Leela was selected by the Wilkinsons.  The theme of the piece is incredibly interesting and thought-provoking, without giving away plot points.

And that cliff HAS to be leading somewhere!


Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:04 pm
by c_nordlander
At long last, the final third: What if Zapp was the lord and master of the entire universe and Leela was in love with him? Reader discretion obviously advised.

Almost entirely dramatic, but that's sort of the joke. Rated PG for sexual references (nothing worse than what has been on the show itself) and character death. A bit lengthy, and probably needs a lot of con-crit, so get cracking with it, all you brightest minds of your generation.

EDIT: Reuploaded to fix an inconsistency (only affecting a couple of lines).

Re: OPINIONS: "Anthology of Interest IV"

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 4:06 am
by missy_misery
I am so, so slain by this. 

Review generally in lovely spoilervision:
As always, Chris, you did an excellent job both making the idea of Zapp/Leela not only credible, but rootworthy.  A solid balance of humor and action and drama and humor.  I didn't notice any flaws with pacing, spelling or grammer, but my word copy shows a few spacing errors, particularly with quotation marks.  It could just be my version of word, though *shrugs*

Excellent.  I say the whole fic can go up as-is.