Needs a full stop after "cushions", and another after "couch".supine on the cushions, he looked over at the backpack he assumed was his sitting at the end of the couch,
This whole scene is funny. Maggie's cute in this story.
Needs a comma after "brother".and playfully stuck her tongue out at her brother then climbed down off the couch
You should have a full stop instead of a comma after "scoffed".Bart scoffed, he forced himself to sit up
Typo: "the must awe" should be "most".
Needs a full stop after "eyes".
Hilarious line.Maybe Lisa was finally reading cool stuff, he wondered, at last she is picking up some interesting things to be smart about.
You "lie" on a bed, not "lay". "Lay" is when you put something else down.
Needs a full stop after "sleepily".
Typo: "to proved" should be "provide".
Santa's Little Helper is great in this chapter.
Needs a full stop after "curiously".
The explanatory bit about how animals can sense evil powers feels a bit superfluous. It's a common bit of folklore, and even if the reader doesn't get it, the reaction of SLH is still good foreshadowing, particularly since the reader knows what the book is by now. Still, it's not badly written.
"what Santa's Little Helper had smelled" should really start a new sentence.
I love the cursive writing joke ending the scene.
You really need to change this to "a damn lot better" or something similar. Also, "whoever" should be just one word.who ever wrote it was damn good at cursive writing than he was.
Needs a full stop after "clenching".
"The Joys of Art Censorship"... *LOL*
This is obviously a typo.as worse than
It's a nice description, but I don't think "prompt" is the word you're after. Did you mean "propped"?Homer leaned against his chair with his prompt feet up on the controllers,
Needs a comma after "categories".
The labels on the monitor are funny. In fact, there's a lot of good and witty writing here.
"Melt down" should be one word.
The scene with Catherine is very well-written and creepy.
The bit with "deep into the plaster" doesn't make much sense. Change. Also, there should be a full stop after this.Suddenly, her body flung through the air and collided with a wall deep into the plaster breaking into a deeply made dent,
I think this should start a new sentence.if it was Gideon,
Needs a "the".with Grim Reaper's scythe in his hands.
Good chapter ending!
Well, this is certainly making me interested enough to read more. There are some very funny scenes, and everyone's still in character. The writing is really good in places (such as the scene at the very end), though you do need to work on those run-on sentences. The only problem I have with this chapter is the scene in the town square where Gideon basically gives up on Bart just because Lisa and Catherine defy him: it's seems he wouldn't have any qualms about killing a woman and a little girl to get his will. Anyway, the proceedings are dramatic and make me want to read more, so look forward to further reviews.