The dialogue should end with a comma rather than a full stop.right now, honey.” Homer consoled his wife,
I really like the interaction between Homer and Marge here.
"the reentered the deserted visitor’s lounge": "the" should obviously be "they".
I like the mention of the bruise on Kent's mouth.
I quite like Homer's line and kicking the TV.
"He" shouldn't be capitalised.“D’oh!” He grunted
Again, should have a comma, not a full stop.“Sit DOWN, Homer.” Marge commanded
Very sweet!“Yes, dear.” His expression switched to one of supplication.
Should have a comma, not a full stop.you know better than that.” Lisa said
Again, should be a comma, and "he" shouldn't be capitalised. Funny joke, though; very in character for Dr. Hibbert. Same with the rest of the line.“At least as long as your insurance holds out.” He added
I like Marge's next line as well, and the end of the chapter.
Again, comma, and "she" shouldn't be capitalised.Or rather, for whom.” She added
I like the explanation for how Channel Six knew about Bart.
Wonderful description. The ending of the sentence meanders a bit, though. I'd change it to "the surface of the pool where she was sitting".Maggie watched the reflected sun slowly rising towards her upon the surface of the pool she sat in front of.
"quietly as a mouse" is a bit of a cliché.
Again, "she" shouldn't be capitalised.‘What’s happening to me?’ She wondered.
I think the last part of that thought is a bit too much telling the reader. I'd prefer if you actually showed us Maggie's mental image of , and then had her thinking "Why can't I get it out of my mind?"
Maggie hearing Bob's voice in her head is awesomely disturbing. Nothing but praise for that! I like their dialogue, though some of Maggie's lines feel a bit clichéd.
The same word twice in the sentence feels a bit much. It's not that bad, but still.A deep voice echoed from deep within.
"Maggie's mood darkened" could probably go. It's fairly easy to figure out how she would be feeling at that event.
See, this is much better. It shows her fear in a simple, perfect way.‘Why is this happening?’ Maggie started to shake slightly.
Again, seems a bit like a shortcut. Show, don't tell.Bob’s voice preyed on her deepest fears and desires.
"It" shouldn't be capitalised.It replied slyly.
"button-down" should be "buttoned-down".
Maggie looking in the pool is great.
"She" shouldn't be capitalised.“I said NO!” She screamed,
"She" shouldn't be capitalised. Also, a slight nitpick, but "change the subject" seems a bit odd, since they haven't been talking, she's just trying to distract Lisa from her shout. Not sure how to write that.“Lisa!” She said in feigned surprise and tried to change the subject.
Comma, not full stop.Bad dreams.” Maggie admitted
"it's surface" should be "its".
The whole scene between Maggie and Lisa is great. Very sensitively written.
Comma, and "she" shouldn't be capitalised.from continuing down his path.’ She finished privately
"filled" should be "filling", or else this should be a separate sentence.a warm feeling filled her mind as the memory played itself out.
Comma, not full stop.Lisa.” Maggie uttered
Typo: "revere" should be "reverie".
Should be "caused".The bitterness she detected causing her to respond
I love Lisa's next line.
Their dialogue about the is to the point and unsentimental. Very good!
OK, a case of word order changing the meaning: "Chained to a table nearby, Lisa spotted a pen" makes it sound like *Lisa* is chained to the table. Change.
Comma, not full stop.you said it yourself.” Maggie squeaked
There's obviously a word missing here.as she tentatively the brittle paper.
I love what Lisa does to make Maggie happy.
The paragraph "The impact of those words crashed into Maggie’s mind" etc. feels a bit overwrought. I'm in two minds about it: I like what you're describing, but at the same time it feels a bit over the top. Lots of adjectives. I think the word "futile" might be a bit too much.
Typo: "the held" should be "they".
I think you should change one of the "joy"s to something else.as Maggie’s eyes welled up joy and a sense of joy and optimism overtook her.
"She" shouldn't be capitalised.“Oh, Lisa!” She cried.
I like Lisa's and Marge's dialogue.
Comma, not full stop.Talking, mostly.” Lisa replied
Comma, not full stop.“Sister stuff.” Maggie spouted cryptically
Comma, not full stop. Also, you should have a space after the ellipsis earlier.thanks for all your help yesterday.” Bart said seriously
"their parent’s attention" should be "parents'", unless there's only one parent.
Again, should be a comma.“Already did, last night.” Lisa whispered back
So. My feelings should already be clear from this long, long review of mine: apart from some technical problems (which should be easy to fix) and the occasional cliché line, I enjoyed this fic immensely. The plot is simple but powerful, with some nice twists and an emotionally satisfactory ending, and holds up well. Everyone is in character. I'm particularly impressed by your Bob, who is a hard character to get right in fanfic. Your style is highly legible, and the dialogue feels natural, something which is darn hard to achieve. But why say it again?
This fic is good, and as far as I'm concerned, it could be put in the archive once you've fixed the technical problems and typoes.
I had an enjoyable time reading this. Kudos!