- Trainee Technician
- Posts: 103
- Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 4:13 pm
- Location: Lost in space
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 11489
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: Running after something that I'll never kill
- Location: Redacted, Redacticaster
Nice, compelling opening, though for some reason the style feels a bit dry and analytical, given the situation. Might just be me. Fry's thoughts are fairly awesome.
I think "tightly" isn't needed.grasping the young man’s chin tightly with his clammy fingers
I like the torture joke.
Little to say due to its length, but a good opening, with many neat lines. Please keep writing.
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.
Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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