FIC: The Ash Storm, The Blernsball Game, And Other Things

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missy_misery
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FIC: The Ash Storm, The Blernsball Game, And Other Things

Postby missy_misery » Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:40 pm

Summary: Fry and Leela go out on their first date.  It's not everything Leela could have hoped for, but she might just be having a great time.

This is a hopelessly light, fluffy little piece of fic, attempted because I wanted to examine Fry/Leela from a different angle.  Enjoy!(?)
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
c_nordlander
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Re: FIC: The Ash Storm, The Blernsball Game, And Other Things

Postby c_nordlander » Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:52 pm

First, a note: I accidentally closed the window after writing my review the first time, so this won't be very long, but all the important points are there.

I like the title!

The only problem I had in this fic is tense changes: in the first scene, you seem to shift between present and past tense a lot. Better just choose one.

Plenty of low-key but lovely descriptions here: I like the recurring scene of Fry putting his arm around Leela, and "it was too soon to invite him in, and too early for him to go home". Your writing is great as always, and everything is there that should be there.

Leela and Fry are in character, and Fry feels very sweet. In fact, the fic made me emote a bit.

Well, I don't know anything about writing romance, so I have no idea as to whether this could be improved. It's a very good piece. I'm especially happy to read a Fry/Leela romance that 1) has actual future elements from the show (blernsball [with bagpipe playing contest!] and buggaloo) instead of being set in modern-day New York with a facelift, and 2) acknowledges that Leela isn't some kind of disgusting Mary-Sue who would never eat anything roasted and sloppy.

Again, very good job, and highly recommended. As far as I can tell, once you fix the tense problem, it's pretty much finalised.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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missy_misery
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Re: FIC: The Ash Storm, The Blernsball Game, And Other Things

Postby missy_misery » Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:59 am

Oh Pleah, tense change issues again :/  .  I'll fix everything to past tense in the final draft.

Thanks so much for the review, Chris - it's always fun to poke about the typical Fry/Leela fic tropes, and I had fun witht his one :)
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"

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