OPINIONS - Bart Wars

[c_nordlander]

I think this is the funniest installment so far. Seriously. There are too many good things to point out... the fight scenes, Lisa saying that the Biennium Raven must have been taken apart, the sneering conversation between Abey-Wan and Darth Homer... but it was Abe's dying line that had me laughing like crazy. So simple, yet so brilliant. I also liked the Indiana Jones parody and the music changing from "Blue Danube" to "Ride of the Valkyries" (yay!) Professor Frink, Martin, Richard, the Flanders kids who are going to die horribly like their parents... woohoo!

I must stop this lauding before it gets repetitive. My conclusion is... Mil Solo is even more chauvinist than Han? Flanders allows adventure games (loved that quote too)? Is this a brilliant parody or what?

[Marco]

I'm completely with Chris on this one.  :)
Funny, great rythm, wonderful charachters choice (Frink! Yaaay!). Especially for Mil

 

[gkscotty]

Just finished reading, don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said. Excellent fun. :-)

[hadisia]

TERRIFIC!! I just love this!!

[IDPStan]

Comments about Bart Wars Part 6.(Part one)

"ABE

(mumbling to himself) Now, what was that trick again...
Oh yes! (pushing buttons) Alt-Control-Delete..."

Heh it looks like your doing the "Vulcan nerve pinch". Well the Empire does use Windblown.

"Abe gestures his hand towards the troopers. Unfortunately,
this results in Stormtrooper #19 being thrown into
the shaft. Startled, his companion kneels down and
looks into the abyss."

Heh heh heh force push. Stormstooper#19: I think your supposed to use a rope!

"            MIL

Oh, *yeah*? Well, *you* are...uh...a self-righteous
little brat!"

Wow, someone had to say it sooner or later I just can't believe Milhouse did.

"Mil stares at the stormtroopers for a moment. Then he
draws his blaster and charges at the troopers. Terrified,
the Imperial soldiers turn and run away. Santa quickly
follows his friend and captain. Bart and Lisa stare
after them."

I'm not surprised their scared, his bryer pistol might actually hit something! Then again maybe they saw his nose and just ran for it.

"Startled, he whirls around. Dramatic pan over to a
dark figure the other end of the hallway. The figure
steps forward, revealing himself to be none other than
Darth Homer."

Well who else is it gonna be? Bearing in mind Darth Mauled isn't in this.

"            ABE

(angrily) That was a mean trick!"

Well duh, his is evil you know. Kick ass trick BTW.

"            MIL

Uh...Make love, not war?


           STORMTROOPER #20

(pause) Get 'im!"

LOL Well they gotta be good at *something* right?

"            LISA

(rolls her eyes) Blast first, think later. What a
typically male way of solving problems!"

Oh sure maybe we'll just negotiate with them, on second thought...*gets out his boomstick*

"            LISA

You play adventure games?"

Personally I think he played space sims too otherwise scrod knows how a farm boy from Tatoonie knew how to fly an X-Wing starfighter. It's like a wurzel flying a Harrier.

"            BART

I was only allowed nonviolent games. (muttering) Stupid
ultra-Christian upbringing..."

You think adventure games are non-violent? Hello! Ozzie Mandrill!! Le Chuck! [Up]

"Several of them fall right off the bridge, but the
others stop and fire at the Rebels, who quickly run
into the hallway."

LOL D*8kheads and Dumbasses all the way, gotta love those Stormbloopers.

"At the end of the hallway, a huge door comes down
slowly. The music changes to the "Indiana Jones"
theme as Mil and Santa get to the floor and slide
through the narrow opening."

LOL Nice movie ref, or was it a ref to that OFF episode where Bart steals Homer's change? We'll never know.

"            HOMER

Your powers are weak, old man. Face it, you're nothing
but an arthritic old geezer."

Yeah well Gonedaft was an arthritic old geezer and...oh wait...

"            ABE

You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall
become more powerful than you can possibly imagine -
thousand times more powerful than I am now."

Er...Abey your being killed not turning yourself into a Lich.

"            LISA

(looks at the Raven) I don't think so. They must have
it apart or something."

Nope it always looks like that, it's based on the flattened cowpat design of making starships.

"
           ABE

Fly, you fools."

DUDE! WHAT A RIPOFF! LOL LOL LOL! Abey: Don't worry my ghost will explain everything later.

[IDPStan]

Comments about Bart Wars Part 6.(Part two)

"            ABE'S VOICE

Steps, Bart, steps!"

Heh heh. I thought it had a ramp though.

"Four TIE Fighters fly away from the Death Plant."

Four? That thing carries 24 squadrons and they only send four?

"            LISA

And what about me?"

Well no transport I ever heard of has 3 turrets so...

"The two Fighters collide and explode."

Ok so maybe the policy of not having shields or a hyperdrive wasn't such a good idea for pilot quality.

"            HOMER

Hey, did any of my crazy schemes ever fail?"

Nah but according to Marge you normally give up when you find something good on TV.

"            LISA

They only send four TIE Fighters to stop us, and
everybody knows that fighting those is like shooting
fish in a barrel."

Like I said before...4 out of...er..whats 24 times 12?

"            LISA

That little droid is carrying the plans to the Death
Plant. Analyzing the data is our only hope of finding
a weakness and destroying the battle station. This
isn't over yet."

Yes and all at a loss of all but 3 of Yavin IV's fighters.

"            PROF. FRINK

We feared the worst when we heard about Alderaan, with
the superlaser and the destruction and the, "Hey, hey,
hey, what about the Geneva Convention?""

What about it? There are no rules in war, especially if your an evil Empire. BTW who's Frink supposed to be again? General Dodonna? Vanden Willard? Crix "Oh yes I'm a dirty traitor" Madeen?

"Gold Squadron (which
consists entirely of the Superfriends seen in "Bart's
Comet") and Red Squadron."

LOL Nerdz in Y-Wings! OH NOOOOOO!!!!!

"I'm glad you asked. Of course, the Death Plant is
heavily shielded, but only against a direct large-
scale assault."

And bearing in mind the Rebellions lack of capital starships at this point you have to wonder why...

"            RICH

That's impossible, even for a computer!"

Don't worry all you have to do is save Bart's butt so he can make the shot.

"            HOMER

(solemnly) This will be a day long remembered. It has
seen the end of Kenobi, and it will soon see the end
of the Rebellion. (checks his watch) And if we hurry,
we'll have time to destroy FOX, too. Woo hoo!"

Damn you Rebal's they could have destroyed F*x.

"            TODD

But then we met a boy who told us about all the bad
thing the Empire did...


           ROD

...and we decided to join the Rebellion."

Yes join us today only 500-1 odds of surviving the galactic civil war! Our Causality rates now only 60%!

Well as you can see from my comments I rather enjoyed this part, most of it was good I really liked the bit about Ctrl, Alt, Del and Milhouse finally standing up for himself. Darth Homer's trick during the duel was sweet as well, Bart's line about adventure games was good although I dunno about non violent. Then there was the stormbloopers always hilarious, Lisa's line about them having the ship apart was classic as was Abey's BLATENT RIP OFF of Gonedaft's line from LOTR. I liked Homer's line about destroying F*x too. I'm not quite sure about Frink, I'm not really sure who he was meant to be. I think he was General Dodonna but I'm not sure, I didn't much care for Lisa reprising Leia's line about males and blasters. [Heh if I said something about Parallel parking I'd be crucified] I didn't expect the thing with Rod and Todd suddenly turning up on Yavin IV either. It's a good effort overall, I look forward to the final space battle around the death star.

[Karsten_Thiel]

BTW who's Frink supposed to be again? General Dodonna? Vanden Willard? Crix "Oh yes I'm a dirty traitor" Madeen?

He wasn't really meant to be anyone. I just needed someone to take the place of Willard and Dodonna, and since neither of them played a big role in the movie, I only took one character.

"Gold Squadron (which
consists entirely of the Superfriends seen in "Bart's
Comet") and Red Squadron."

LOL Nerdz in Y-Wings! OH NOOOOOO!!!!!

Hey, at least nerds read the manual before going to battle.

[Karsten_Thiel]

EXCELSIOR!

At long last, after a month of writing, the story is finally finished! Whew...

I will post the final draft in a review thread of its own soon. Then I'll take a well-deserved rest.

But the sequel is already lurking in the dark...

EMPEROR: We have a new enemy...Bart Simpwalker.

Heh heh heh...

[gkscotty]

*reads*
Awww yeah.  ;D

[Stretch_Dude]

Well ended! ...James Earl Jones as Darth Homer?? *pauses for a moment, then bursts into hysterical laughter*

[aoifestorm]

Part 6 and the conclusion were great, Karsten!  I don't really think I could say anything that someone else hasn't already said.  If I listed all of my favorite parts of the last two installments, my reply would be 2 pages long.
You should be really proud of yourself for finishing this fun piece, Karsten.  I enjoyed reading all of it, and I think you did a superb job with the Star Wars/Simpsons crossover.  The other night I caught part of Star Wars, and I was thinking of this script a lot while I was watching it.
I would love to see scripts of the sequels too, if you ever decide to write them.

[c_nordlander]

KUDOS!

PS. Martin's "survival impaired" line was the funnest I can remember. Ever.

[Karsten_Thiel]

Thank you, everyone. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I would love to see scripts of the sequels too, if you ever decide to write them.

Like I said, the sequel is already lurking in the dark, and it might surface sooner than you think... *enigmatic smile*

[hadisia]

(Cartman) Sweeeeeet.

[IDPStan]

Comments about Bart Wars part 7.

"            EMPIRE

We are the Empire. Resistance is futile. You will be
annihilated."

LOL Eeeek wrong franchise...

"            BART

(putting away the manual) Red Five standing by."

Heh heh, go farm boyz!*wonders if this means he fly the EFA2000*

"            WENDELL (V.O.)

(filtered, pessimistically) I doubt there will be a
next time for many of us."

It could be worse you could be flying TIE's for the Empire.

"            MARTIN (CONT'D)

And remember to turn on your deflector shields. We
don't want a disaster like last time."

Actually it will be a disaster, at least in terms of losses.

"            RICH

Whoa, mama! Look at the size of that thing! It must
be bigger than Roseanne Barr!"

Nah, it's not *that* big. Nice line BTW.

"            RICH (V.O.)

(filtered, impressed) Now that's some flak!"

Good job you don't have any capital ships that's all I can say.

"            BART

I...I almost died!


He thinks about the right reaction for a moment, then
decides on a huge grin."

Yup. IT IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE! Oh wait...wrong franchise again.

"            HOMER

(annoyed) That was just a rhethorical question, you
idiot! (throws the empty can at him) Just do what I
told you! And after you've done that, get me a new
can of beer."

Hmm...methinks he's not going to join in like Darth Vader did.

"            LISA

I told you nobody except for Martin and the Superfriends
would read that book about military lingo."

Heh I read it too. Break 90 degrees! Missile! missile deflect! Bandits at 5 o clock! Fox 3 fox 3! Pickle! pickle! [Note: Not *that* F*x so doesn't need to be beeped]

"            BART

Figures. They always go after the sissies first."

What about Mart*looks down* oh.

"            TODD

(panicking) I can't shake him off!"

Of course you can't, his manoeuvre rating is 96, yours is 75.*wonders if anyone else got that*

"            BART (CONT'D)

I can't shake him off! Rich, you gotta help me!"

Yeah with the "death or glory head on laser charge attack". [TM]

"A turbolaser fires at an X-Wing, but accidentally hits
the TIE Fighter. The ship explodes."

LOL Dude! Check your fire!

"            COSINE

(looks at his radar) They're coming in! Three fighters
from behind!"

Yup. Looks like it's the back door man brigade again.

"The hit knocks off Ham's glasses.


           HAM

My glasses! I've lost my glasses!"

LOL Worst battle damage of all!

"Database pulls up just as Homer fires at him. For the
first time, the Dark Lord misses."

Ha ha! Kiss my ass Daft Vapour!

"            KLUTZ

(under his breath) Do what you want, but *I'm* outta
here!"

LOL Well ok maybe not all the Imperials are puddled.

"            HOMER

(grimly) Today is a good day to die. (brief pause)
For *you*!"

Hmmm I always preferred IT IS A GOOD DAY FOR SOMETHING ELSE TO DIE!

"Wendell's X-Wing veers off course and crashes into
the wall of the trench."

LOL Saves the TIE Advanced the trouble.

"Ahh, the target! Finally! At last, I shall show everyone
that I, the shunned and scorned so-called "nerd", can
be a hero, too. Where the Superfriends failed, I shall
prevail. I..."

Er no, Red leader gets shot down.*looks down* Yuppers.

"            BART (V.O.)

(filtered) We're going in full throttle."

About time too, X-Wings aren't *that* fast.

"            RICH (V.O.)

(filtered) Not even relief?


           BART

Well...Maybe a little bit."

Yay! The numbnuts are dead!

"            ABE'S VOICE

(shouting) Use the Force, Bart!"

Yes the farce can guide torpedoes. For some reason.

"            SKINNER

(smiles evilly) No, let us give them one last minute
of unbearable fear while they realize the inevitableness
of their impenid destruction!"

What a dumbass, then again we knew that from when he turned down the escape ship.

"            MIL

(excitedly) Did you see that, Bart? Kablammo! Just
like that! (laughs)"

Yay! Milhouse saves the day just like in the film.

"            SKINNER

(at the top of his voice) MOOOOOTHEEEEERRRRR!!!!!


EXT. SPACE - DEATH PLANT


The Death Plant explodes spectacularly, resulting in
a multi-colored mushroom cloud."

YAY! BUTTKICKING FOR GOODNESS! Booooooyyyaaaaa! Ect.

"            ABE'S VOICE

Remember: The Force will be with you. Always."

Yes the farce is much better than a high tech targeting computer or a laser cannon. Yeah right.

"            LISA

Bart! You were *great*!"

Yeah lets not mention all the brave pilots who died so he could be a hero!

"TODAY: HERO HONORING FEST

Tomorrow: Temple De-Moulding Fest"

LOL Just like the signs on the show. Nice one.

Well that was good, it managed to capture the drama of the final battle while allowing for some jokes as well. The thing about Roseanne Bar and the bit about the Military jargon was good. The Star Trek refs where a bit cheesy but I'll live with that as they where right for the moment. Wendle's bit and Ham's reason for getting shot down was pretty funny to. The action scenes where well described too, especially the dogfights and the trench run, maybe not in gratuitous  extra paragraph detail but it was enough. All in all not too shabby and a nice end to that part of the series. Now on to The Empire Smokes Crack! [My private name for Episode 5.]