Comments about Bart Wars.
"Rebel troopers hurry through the hallway as the
explosion rocks the ship. Alarms sound. Two droids,
MAGGIE (M2-G2) and MARGE (3-MRG), are trying to make
their way through the hallway."
LOL M2-G2, 3-MRG. I love it. Already we're in parody flavour country.
"The shields are down? Are you sure?"
Heh the ships been playing silly buggers with an ISD [The ISD Devastator if anyone’s interested] that has more guns than Col Gadafee, what did you expect?
"The Rebel troopers aim their weapons at the door which
suddenly explodes inwards."
Just a thought but why not have one of them say "Freeze door, we've got you covered!" It's such a classic SW joke...
"Hey, killing those stormtroopers is easier than I
Killing stormbloopers is like killing goblins, my granny could do it. There's lots of em though.
"What did you expect? Their armor is made from cardboard."
Heh! That's ablative cardboard I'll have you know![JK]
"...of course, with television and video games
leading today's youth into a moral sewer, it doesn't
surprise me at all that..."
I thought the Galactic Empire was leading the youth into the moral sewer, oh well.
"(shakes his head) Sheesh, what a mess! Don't those Rebels
have a cleaning lady?"
*resists temptation to say* "Yes, or we did until this atrocity.."
"You were wrong, my Lord. The Rebels *were* smart enough
not to put the stolen plans into the main computer."
Yeah well knowing the Corellians the main computer was probably a Z80 anyway...
"(clears his throat) I think he's dead, sir."
Ah Hans is dead, everything is as it should be.
"Lisa starts to run, but one of the
remaining troopers fires a small dart at her which hits
her in the arm."
Darts? The hell? What happened to the cool blue stun effect?!
"A new explosion tears a big hole in the wall next to
Marge. She jumps back."
That's the stormbloopers idea of 'searching carefully'. Subtle.
"Bah! You are a traitor to the Empire! You..."
Isn't Darth supposed to tell her the Emperor abolished the Senate? Really I see no reason to change that bit...
"Oh yes, and have this imbe-ma-cile thrown
out an airlock."
Awwww can't you have him throttle him like he did will Ozzel...I love Darth's strangling scenes.
"(triumphantly) Look, sir! Droids!"
Wow you must be Sherlock f*8king Holms to work that out!!
"(voice of Gil) Good afternoon, sir! We're the Jawas, at
your service. Looking for droids? I'm your man! (worriedly)
You *are* looking for droids, aren't you? Please tell me
you're looking for droids, I need the money!"
LOL Good use of Gil there, I find him as a Jawa really funny.
Space Catholics? I don't think soooo...
"(narrowing his eyes suspiciously) What's that supposed
to mean? You do believe in the Maker, don't you?"
Of course in Bender's case the maker 'might' well be another robot in a factory...
"I sure hope so. He's evil."
Sure Bender's evil, your point being?
"(fed up) Evil, eh? Well, in this case, I'll just sell
him to the Muslim missionary at the other side of
LOL Not run by a Mr Bin Laden is it? Awwwww baaadddd...I can't believe you put that in. Even *I* don't think their evil per say. Misguided perhaps, religious zealots probably, but this takes the piss.
"...here we are."
Yes, Tatoonee in the outer rim territories, a place so boring the Empire didn't even bother to invade it!
Well I liked most of it although there was a missed opportunity for a joke with the door, the space Catholics idea is a bit naff and if you ask me the comment about certain religious groups was dammed right unnecessary. Besides how any of those religions can be in Star Wars is beyond me, it's meant to be in a galaxy far far away a long time ago remember? They only have the 'force'. The use of a trank dart was bizarre as well in an age of blasters and spaceships. Oh and make Darth Homer Throttle that guy, go on you know you want to. Anyway, the droids where funny. The stormbloopers where as funny as ever. I LOLed at Gil as a Jawa.
All in all it's ok but there are some things I would defiantly change, after all it's never good to make jokes that are outside the context of the setting. That and there are some moments begging for a gag or two. It'll be interesting to see what the rest of it's like.