REVIEW WIP: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian Burns

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ed65love
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REVIEW WIP: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian Burns

Postby ed65love » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:13 am

G'day from down under, I'm a big Simpsons fan, and this is my first effort. I don't think this story has been adapted for the Simpsons yet, but it seems perfect for our friend C Montgomery.

I'd love to get feedback on this if anyone has the time. Be gentle with me, it's my first. You always remember your first :)

Thanks in advance!

Love,

Ed

Title: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian Burns

Rating: M (violence)

Plot Summary: adapted from the novel by Oscar Wilde:

The novel tells of a young man named Dorian Gray, the subject of a painting by artist Basil Hallward.

Basil is impressed by Dorian's beauty and becomes infatuated with him, believing his beauty is responsible for a new mode in his art. Dorian meets Lord Henry Wotton, a friend of Basil's, and becomes enthralled by Lord Henry's world view. Espousing a new hedonism, Lord Henry suggests the only things worth pursuing in life are beauty and fulfillment of the senses.

Realizing that one day his beauty will fade, Dorian expresses his desire to sell his soul to ensure the portrait Basil has painted would age rather than himself. Dorian's wish is fulfilled, plunging him into debauched acts. The portrait serves as a reminder of the effect each act has upon his soul, with each sin displayed as a disfigurement of his form, or through a sign of aging.

This is from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Picture_of_Dorian_Gray.

BTW, I'm attaching it in PDF format because that's what Celtx (free screenwriting program) uses.
Attachments
STHoH.pdf
The script, in easy to read PDF format, polished yet again ...
(11.7 KiB) Downloaded 741 times
Last edited by ed65love on Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:51 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: REVIEW WIP: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian B

Postby Archonix » Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:21 pm

I am going to be brief (code is calling)

Lots of humour and, speaking as someone who writes plenty of epic-length fanfic, refreshingly short and to the point. I just timed my read-through and it feels about the right length to be a THOH short too, which fits the theme.

I'll let others come and pick it apart, though to be honest I'm not sure what they'll find wrong. :)
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
— Piet Hein - Grooks
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Re: REVIEW WIP: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian B

Postby c_nordlander » Sat Jul 24, 2010 8:26 pm

As you might guess from my username, I'm a pretty big fan of the original book, and your parody didn't disappoint.

First, my minor complaints: it is rather short, which is appropriate for a Treehouse of Horror episode and makes for a good reading-time, but I did feel it could have done with a bit more meat on it. Also, some of the cameos of various Springfieldianites felt, not bad, but a bit bland. (So why am I putting this under complaints?) Smithers as Basil Hallward was great, but Bob as Henry felt a bit odd to me. However, the jokes are absolutely hilarious. I particularly liked the rake joke, the yellow book, and the very ending line, but there were many more excellent jokes. You certainly did a good job parodying the novel, and the telescoping of the plot in the end worked well. Very much in the style of the Treehouse of Horror episodes.

A pretty capital fanfic. Highly recommended, all you guys!
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
ed65love
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Re: REVIEW WIP: Treehouse of Horror: the Picture of Dorian B

Postby ed65love » Sun Jul 25, 2010 3:56 am

My thanks to you both for replying, it's great to get feedback from fans with a detailed knowledge & love of the Simpsons. And a Wilde specialist as well, eeeeeeexcellent!

Yes, my effort IS short, far too short to come remotely close to doing the novel justice. Unf, that's the limit of THoH, and I chose to stick with it. If I want to be a writer, I'd better not ignore the rules!

The novel just cried out to me as a perfect subject for THoH, esp for Mr Burns, one of my favourite characters. 8 pages takes about 8 minutes, which fits well. e.g. Send in the Clones was also about 8 minutes.

Local cameos bland? Sure, no doubt! I was trying to fit in as many jokes and familiar faces as possible, at the expense of plot details. I thought it would be fun to do a bit of name dropping, just to fill out the visuals!

Bob as Lord Henry. Yes, not sure about that myself. I chose SSB because the character is supposed to be witty, and also selfishly devoted to his own pleasure. With no Bart around to threaten, corrupting youth was the best he could manage.

So thanks again for those specific points, they all help me review my process, and with a bit of thought, I can probably improve it further.

Next stop: a full 22m episode :)

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