OPINIONS: En Francais (1/1) (Homer/Marge)

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missy_misery
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OPINIONS: En Francais (1/1) (Homer/Marge)

Postby missy_misery » Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:47 pm

Some completely nutriton-free Homer/Marge schmoop.

SUMMARY: Homer and Marge's relationship, as explored through their use of the French language.
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: OPINIONS: En Francais (1/1) (Homer/Marge)

Postby c_nordlander » Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:55 pm

Typo: "couple hood" should be one word.

The French words are missing some cedillas and accents (for example, "très" is missing a grave accent), but that could just be the program you're using.

A bit too many fanciful "say" verbs; it *is* OK to just write "Homer said" now and then. That said, most of them work, it's just the general density of them. For example, I think "Homer declared" in the first scene could be changed to "said". (Or no dialogue tag at all, since we know it's Homer talking.) But that's about the only one that feels unnecessary.

French nitpick: "familie" should be "famille"; and the one right at the end of the story should be "je t'aime".

Those are all the nitpicks I have, really. Very low-key, just a series of vignettes really, but there's nothing wrong with that. Characterisation is perfect, and you do a good job with the younger Marge and Homer, subtly different from their modern selves: Marge as a somewhat sheltered upper-middle-class girl, and Homer at a more exuberant age. I really like the closing segment, too. Especially Homer wanting to take up the tuba. Your writing is as good as ever.

Once more, I think this is good enough to go straight to Reviews. Excellent stuff.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


Elinor Wylie, "Peregrine"
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missy_misery
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Re: OPINIONS: En Francais (1/1) (Homer/Marge)

Postby missy_misery » Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:33 am

Yep, I actually edited this in text and couldn't get any accent marks whatsoever :p.

Thank you so much, Chris! i know this is just baseless fluff, but it was fun to write - I'll get the finished product out sometime next week.
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"

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