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OPINIONS: Spin The Droidel

Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:50 pm
by missy_misery
A brief and hopefully ridiculous Frama fic

SUMMARY: When Bender gets jealous of Fry and Leela's relationship, Fry throws a Robohnuka party at the Planet Express Building for him.

Re: OPINIONS: Spin The Droidel

Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 4:01 am
by Red_Line
I liked it. Fry was his usual sweet goofbag self and Bender was at his self-centered best. I'd say you met your goal. Well done.

Re: OPINIONS: Spin The Droidel

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:01 pm
by c_nordlander
I love the title.

Typoes: it should be "Xmas", no hyphen, and "Robanukah". (No, I don't blame you for getting that one wrong. I was completely in the dark until I found a screenshot of the banner they had up in "Fear of a Bot Planet".)

Didn't really like the poop joke. It's not hideously inappropriate or anything, I just don't care much for immature humour. (Just my personal opinion; it's not that bad a joke. Though I think the last season of Futurama had far too many sophomoric jokes.)

Zoidberg's line is outstanding.

In fact, all the dialogue is spot-on, and there are numerous hilarious jokes that I won't spoil here.

"He stopped firing abruptly": the last word doesn't really add anything and could go.

"the pined - up binary porn": I assume that should be "pinned-up".

Typo: "driodel".

"Rohebrew", excellent.

Typo? After "THE END", it says "In spire off". Probably something that doesn't belong in the document and should be removed.

OK, this is just excellent, and except for the very few nitpicks I had (almost all typoes), this is almost ready to go up in Writing. The only things I didn't really like are the poop joke, as I said above, and the Fry/Leela romance felt a little bit overstated at times, but I guess the plot calls for it.

Everything else is perfect. Writing? Perfect. Comedy? Perfect, and a lot like the show at its best. Characterisation? Perfect. Especially Fry stands out (you manage to show his more quiet moments, which a lot of fanwriters seem to ignore in favour of stupidity), but everyone else is spot-on as well.

There's little to complain about here. This is probably your funniest fic to date, and among the best.

Re: OPINIONS: Spin The Droidel

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:31 am
by missy_misery
Oh wow, I'm glad you think it's among my funniest, Chris!!

And yep, those are all typos. My only defense for the poop joke is that it sounded ridiculous at the time and I inserted it for the easiest laugh. Probably influenced by watching the XMas special so close to writing this.

I'll come back and get the refined version up next week!