OPINIONS: Monologue For Circuits and Snark

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missy_misery
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OPINIONS: Monologue For Circuits and Snark

Postby missy_misery » Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:53 am

SUMMARY: what was in that letter Bender gives Fry and Leela? The one that summarizes their future in a few simple pages? This, perhaps...
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Re: OPINIONS: Monologue For Circuits and Snark

Postby c_nordlander » Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:12 pm

Preliminary remarks: When I saw the episode in question, I thought "how long until someone writes a fanfic about what it said in the document?". I always thought it would probably be better to leave it a mystery. But then, you're a very, very good writer.

Having read this, it works. It's short, but it doesn't need to be longer.

The fact that you got Bender's voice so perfectly snarky is what makes this story. Nothing could be farther from Bender than sentimentality, and given that sentimentality was what I feared from a story like this, this is great.

I particularly laughed at how
Spoiler
And this line: "Heh. I hope I’m here when you read this."

Other bits I love: the bit with the rocks,
Spoiler
and the very last line.

As for downsides: I'm torn about
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It makes him come off as a jerk (and I'm not sure it's in character), *but* on the other hand, some real conflict is needed because of the slapping sessions, so I don't have too much of a beef with it. However, it does seem a silly thing to
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That said, neither Fry nor Leela is the most mature person when it comes to emotions, so maybe they would.

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might be a bit melodramatic, too. But then, it's hard to know without context.

All in all, a very good short piece with perfect Bender characterisation and many funny lines. The only thing I don't like is the breakup being for a pretty stupid reason, which makes Fry come off pretty badly as well. Still, it's a lovely interpretation of the document Bender wrote for his friends, and the writing is top-notch.
The noose draws tighter;
This is the end;
I'm a good fighter
But a bad friend;
I've played the traitor
Over and over;
I'm a good hater
But a bad lover.


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Re: OPINIONS: Monologue For Circuits and Snark

Postby Gulliver63 » Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:24 am

I think you did a very nice voice characterization of Bender, something that I've had trouble with at times.
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Re: OPINIONS: Monologue For Circuits and Snark

Postby missy_misery » Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:25 am

Thank you both so much for the feedback; Bender's my favorite character, to be honest (well, he and Zoidberg run neck at neck).

I've always wondered how much of the story Bender gave them both was made up; I wouldn't be shocked if he made it more melodramatic than it ever was. Will likely tone it down a tad in the final product.
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"

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