My comments on the story so far. This may seem a bit nitpicky, but bear in mind that if I haven't commented on something, that means I thought it was good. Either way, this is a good story.
This is certainly well-written. Of course, that's to be expected from your stories by now.
The first scene feels a bit dialogue-heavy. Not enough for it to be a bad thing, and it evens out in later scenes.
Fry and Leela are both very much in character.
The cellphones seem a bit low-tech for Futurama. Nothing really wrong with it, just an observation.
"Ok." Fry replied
Since the dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag, it should have a comma, not a full stop.
"Ok." she sighed
You should probably write "twenty-two minutes" instead of "22 minutes", etc.
You seem to have an odd typo where there's a space before an ellipsis. That might be a formatting problem, though.
I like how both Fry and Leela do their best to follow the relationship advice, without being perfect.
"something else that she was anal ... that was important to her ..." Hilarious, and very Fryish.
The scene in the shower is hilarious.
"I heard you coming." she smirked
"N..N..No thanks." Fry squeaked
"I GET it, already." Fry said,
All these should have a comma instead of a full stop.
Fry's and Leela's little argument outside the building feels nicely realistic.
Bender's line about the Mayor passing out made me laugh out loud.
"I don't blame them." Leela thought
"I can't remember." Bender replied,
Both should have a comma instead of a full stop.
"From a distance, it looked like two friends in casual contact." Excellent line.
Bender giving the exact time since he saw Fry is another great joke. I could see it on the show.
"I can make it up to you." Leela said
Again, should have a comma instead of a full stop.
Typo: "Hmmm. Solid gold you say?". has an extraneous full stop.
Typo: "Leela signed" should be "sighed".
"Also Zapp's gold codpiece got stolen." Excellent line.
Typo: "His orange hair was unique enough he ought to be easy to spot" needs a "that"
"If he lives, tell Fry he's welcome to move back in with me." Bender called after her
Again, needs a comma.
"That being done, order restored, and calm and reason prevailing, she saw no reason that some serious ass kicking wasn't the appropriate calm and reasoned response." Another excellent line.
I like the method Leela uses to find Fry.
Oh, Lord, no." she gasped at the scene within
"After I kill Fry, I gonna be sick. Then I'm gonna take Bender apart piece by piece with a rusty hacksaw." Leela growled
Both of these should have a comma instead of a full stop.
The Zapp scene is solid gold. No pun intended. I love Leela's reaction, too.
Typo: "it's hinges" should be "its".
The whole scene with Amy is great.
"Ah ... you want to tell me what's going on?" She asked him.
"she" shouldn't be capitalised, since it's a dialogue tag, not a new sentence.
"I'm trying to save my marriage." he said
Should have a comma, not a full stop.
Typo: "You .. huh? What?". has an extra full stop.
"Well, " he began, "You know that thing Bender did
"you" shouldn't be capitalised, because it continues Fry's sentence, rather than being the start of a new sentence.
Possible typo? Leela has a line of dialogue that's just "Yes," ending with a comma.
Typo: "the fist bad thing".
I really like the revelation of Fry's plan. It's an excellent idea and feels very in character for Fry.
Typoes: "And?". has an extra full stop; "another on"; "You what?!". again has a full stop at the end; "bath room" should be "bathroom".
Fry's story of what happened is also a nice read.
Well, apart from some typoes and punctuation issues, I don't really find anything that needs improvement. The story is excellent, with some intelligent twists, and Fry's plan is quite touching. (It also manages to be very different from Missy's Monologue for Circuits and Snark
, though both deal with Bender's prediction in some way.) Fry and Leela are perfectly in character, neither being needlessly obtuse just for the sake of the plot. The other characters don't get much on-page time, though both Bender and Amy have good scenes and are well-written. The writing itself is nothing flashy, but it works well and has descriptive bits where needed.
Pretty excellent stuff. Looking forward to seeing where you're taking it.