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FADE UP: We are in a slightly smokey scene, where our heroes (and villains) are stood semi-silhouetted in a dark grey mist. The light fades up slowly to reveal them, to varying degrees, as they slowly gather together around the thickest part of the mist, where a silhouete of DR GIRLFRIEND is slowly undulating. MONARCH I met her in a bar down in mexico Where you drink cheap beer and it tastes a bit like tequila T-E-Q-U-eeeela. She walked up to me and she asked me to dance I asked her her name and in a deep down voice she Sheila S-H-E-I-eeeela She she she she sheeeeila VENTURE Well I'm not the world's most physical guy but when she kicked my head she nearly broke my spine MONARCH/VENTURE Oh my Sheila, she she she she sheila BROCK Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand Why she walks like a woman and talks like a man VENTURE MONARCH Sheeeila! Dr Girlfriend! MONARCH Well we drank champagne and danced all night Until that big dick Limb gave me fright He picked her up and sat her on his knee ANd said- PHANTOM LIMB Dear boy she must belong to me... MONARCH Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy But when I looked in her eyes well I just had to save my poor sheila! She she she she sheila! DR GIRLFRIEND I pushed you away... MONARCH I pissed in your yard... MONARCH DR GF I fell to the floor You did what?!? MONARCH DR GF I was down on my knees! I can't believe you Then I looked at her did that. Jeez! and she at me... Dr GF That's hardly the way I wanted to stay So I calle the cops to take him away MONARCH Oh please no my Sheila! PHANTOM LIMB Jerks will be jerks, and I'll be above I'm going to marry the one I love VENTURE She's my sheila! MONARCH No no no my sheila! VENTURE Well I had her home just the week before! MONARCH You'd think you'd never been with a woman before... VENTURE But I took her heart and I'm all she'll demand! BROCK Isn't someone gonna say that she's really a man? MONARCH BROCK (SOTTO VOCE) Well I'm not the world's Seriously, that voice... most masculine man MONARCH VENTURE But I know what I am and You got that right... I'm glad I'm a man! BROCK And so's Sheila! VENTURE MONARCH She she she she What are you, stupid? She's sheeeeilaaa! all woman! MONARCH And it's DOCTOR GIRLFRIEND! DOCTOR GIRLFRIEND suddenly leans forward as a bright light turns on. We find we are in a shower, with steam strategically sheilding most of DR GIRLFRIEND's figure. She glares at the rest of the cast and threateningly waves a loofa at them. Dr GF Look, as much as I appreciate this attention I'd prefer it if you people all just left me alone when I take a shower, ok? EVERYONE except DR GIRLFRIEND leaves the room DR GF Thank god for that. Now I can get on with this... An airing closet cracks open slightly and a glowing eye peers out. DR ORPHEUS Is it safe to come out yet? DR GF Yes, yes, it's safe. DR O Very well, I shall make my reappearance from the very DEPTHS OF THE MOST INFERNAL HELL! DR GF Can you please not talk about the airing closet like it's some sort of weird magic place? Look, just hurry up, my back needs a scrub. FADE TO BLACK MONARCH: What the hell is going on in here!