Incidentally the code tags are there to preserve the formatting.
Code: Select all
FADE UP: We are in a slightly smokey scene, where our heroes (and villains) are stood semi-silhouetted in a dark grey mist. The light fades up slowly to reveal them, to varying degrees, as they slowly gather together around the thickest part of the mist, where a silhouete of DR GIRLFRIEND is slowly undulating.
I met her in a bar down in mexico
Where you drink cheap beer and it tastes a bit like tequila
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a deep down voice she Sheila
S-H-E-I-eeeela She she she she sheeeeila
Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
but when she kicked my head she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Sheila, she she she she sheila
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Sheeeila! Dr Girlfriend!
Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Until that big dick Limb gave me fright
He picked her up and sat her on his knee
Dear boy she must belong to me...
Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I just had to save my poor sheila!
She she she she sheila!
I pushed you away...
I pissed in your yard...
MONARCH DR GF
I fell to the floor You did what?!?
MONARCH DR GF
I was down on my knees! I can't believe you
Then I looked at her did that. Jeez!
and she at me...
That's hardly the way I wanted to stay
So I calle the cops to take him away
Oh please no my Sheila!
Jerks will be jerks, and I'll be above
I'm going to marry the one I love
She's my sheila!
No no no my sheila!
Well I had her home just the week before!
You'd think you'd never been with a woman before...
But I took her heart and I'm all she'll demand!
Isn't someone gonna say that she's really a man?
MONARCH BROCK (SOTTO VOCE)
Well I'm not the world's Seriously, that voice...
most masculine man
But I know what I am and You got that right...
I'm glad I'm a man!
And so's Sheila!
She she she she What are you, stupid? She's
sheeeeilaaa! all woman!
And it's DOCTOR GIRLFRIEND!
DOCTOR GIRLFRIEND suddenly leans forward as a bright light turns on. We find we are in a shower, with steam strategically sheilding most of DR GIRLFRIEND's figure. She glares at the rest of the
cast and threateningly waves a loofa at them.
Look, as much as I appreciate this attention
I'd prefer it if you people all just left me
alone when I take a shower, ok?
EVERYONE except DR GIRLFRIEND leaves the room
Thank god for that. Now I can get on with this...
An airing closet cracks open slightly and a glowing eye peers out.
Is it safe to come out yet?
Yes, yes, it's safe.
Very well, I shall make my reappearance from the
very DEPTHS OF THE MOST INFERNAL HELL!
Can you please not talk about the airing closet
like it's some sort of weird magic place? Look,
just hurry up, my back needs a scrub.
FADE TO BLACK
What the hell is going on in here!