FIC: Older, Wiser (6/6) (Complete) (PG-13)
- missy_misery
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
*bows to both Aoife and Chris*
Thank you both for the compliments - and aoife, I'll consider throwing in your suggestion
Thank you both for the compliments - and aoife, I'll consider throwing in your suggestion
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- aoifestorm
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
That would make me so happy, Missay. It really would.
Homer eats a little too much Chile to strong pepper and is found with hullicinations amongst other things it speaks with a dog.
- missy_misery
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (3/??) (WIP)
Part the third!
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- OlderWiser3.rtf
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
Bliss! Another chapter, just in time for Christmas.
This is, in general, very good indeed. All I can do is make some more specific points.
Typo: "lightening" should be "lightning". The flashback scene is great, though. Molotov is very seductive.
I love the characterisation of Sally Impossible, and your use of the word "depowered".
It's "Papillon", not "Papillion".
The description of Dean's journey is good and scary. It might need a bit more detail, though. Generally, you keep a very good pace here, keeping a good slim narrative, but some more detail to make it feel longer wouldn't hurt.
Her name is "Myra".
It's "Orpheus", not "Orpheous".
Well... what can I say without gushing? Your writing is as jealousy-inducing as ever, suspense is tight, and there are some nice bits of humour to lighten the mood. It's definitely grabbed me now.
This is, in general, very good indeed. All I can do is make some more specific points.
Excellent.For once a single glare had cut down an aggressor.
Typo: "lightening" should be "lightning". The flashback scene is great, though. Molotov is very seductive.
Great scene, but that last "and" really shouldn't be there. (I'll leave it to you as to whether you can "swallow" something with your tongue.)and she leaned in and with a quick swipe of her tongue and swallowed a bead of sweat from his upper lip.
I love the characterisation of Sally Impossible, and your use of the word "depowered".
It's "Papillon", not "Papillion".
The description of Dean's journey is good and scary. It might need a bit more detail, though. Generally, you keep a very good pace here, keeping a good slim narrative, but some more detail to make it feel longer wouldn't hurt.
Her name is "Myra".
Another beautiful line.At that point, her cell phone rang. She answered it for the distraction.
It's "Orpheus", not "Orpheous".
That "is" doesn't look like it should be there. (I like the future of the Triad members, though.)“Dad! Is The Alchemist retired to the Bahamas a year ago and Jefferson Twilight is in a diabetic coma!
"dark" probably isn't needed here. Most shadows are.a dark shadow crossed Byron’s face.
Well... what can I say without gushing? Your writing is as jealousy-inducing as ever, suspense is tight, and there are some nice bits of humour to lighten the mood. It's definitely grabbed me now.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- aoifestorm
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
What happens next, what happens next? I really liked the dinner scene...poor Triana.
Mol and her toilet paper! For someone who goes on spy missions in places like Monte Carlo, you'd think she'd be ok. But, that's how Jackson and Doc made her.
Meowwwwww on that licking sweat off of Doc's upper lip, during the flashback.
Write some more Missayyyyyyyy!
Mol and her toilet paper! For someone who goes on spy missions in places like Monte Carlo, you'd think she'd be ok. But, that's how Jackson and Doc made her.
Meowwwwww on that licking sweat off of Doc's upper lip, during the flashback.
Write some more Missayyyyyyyy!
Homer eats a little too much Chile to strong pepper and is found with hullicinations amongst other things it speaks with a dog.
- c_nordlander
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
The toilet paper joke is a reference to high quality consumer goods being hard to acquire legally in Russia. I suspect Mol sells it on the black market, or possibly stocks it up for her old parents... unless she killed them or something... hmm...
EDIT: IGNORE ME!!
EDIT: IGNORE ME!!
Last edited by Anonymous on Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- aoifestorm
- Sub-sector Control Officer
- Posts: 1676
- Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2002 11:05 pm
- Location: NYC
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
Yeah, it's definiitely a Soviet-era thing, same with the American jeans....
I just loved that Missay still has Mol wanting toilet paper.
I just loved that Missay still has Mol wanting toilet paper.
Homer eats a little too much Chile to strong pepper and is found with hullicinations amongst other things it speaks with a dog.
- missy_misery
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
Thanks, Chris! Nothing much to add to your suggestions - I'll fix up and post the final draft soon!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- missy_misery
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- Posts: 2461
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (2/??) (WIP)
Just a quick note to say this fic is updating over at venture-industries.com as well (perhaps exclusively, depending on what happens with this sub-board)
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- missy_misery
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Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (6/6) (Complete) (PG-13)
Posting up the final chapter here for the enjoyment of certain folks 'cause I'm getting an error at the VI board. Hope it was enjoyed!
- Attachments
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- OlderWiser6.rtf
- (38.96 KiB) Downloaded 982 times
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 12836
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: Got a job to do and a husband to "make love to"
Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (6/6) (Complete) (PG-13)
I reviewed the last chapter here.
I won't repeat my review, but suffice it to say I found this story exciting, well-written and in keeping with the show, with great characterisation abounding. Congratulations on finishing such a good work!
I won't repeat my review, but suffice it to say I found this story exciting, well-written and in keeping with the show, with great characterisation abounding. Congratulations on finishing such a good work!
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: FIC: Older, Wiser (6/6) (Complete) (PG-13)
Thanks so much, Chris, will respond on VI!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"