Homer Simpson's Vampire Encounter.

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Homer Simpson's Vampire Encounter.

Post by VampireGirlie » Wed Jul 24, 2013 3:15 pm

Just to let anyone know, I don't own any names, and this fan-fiction might have some, S.S and brief N in it.
Chalkboard Gag: I won't post pictures on the computer.

Couch Gag: at a baseball game, homer gets hit in the head with a baseball.


INT: The Simpson's House.

"Homer is sitting on a couch drinking a duff beer, when he notices a moving truck outside from the house,
and stopping by the house across the street, Homer gets up after putting his duff beer down on the end table,
walks out of the living room, through the den, out of the front door,
he saw some movers putting stuff in the house, he goes up to one of the movers".

OUT: The House Across the street.

Homer: what's going on?.

Mover: We're moving in for a couple.

Homer: Great.

(neither of them noticed that two coffins were being carried in the basement of the house).
Homer goes back to the house, that night, Homer decided to meet the two new neighbors,
he went out of the front door, walked across the front yard, across the sidewalk, across the street,
he walked-up to the front porch,
he knocked on the door,
he was surprised to see two Men standing in the Foyer of the house.
OUT/INT: The house Across The Street.

Homer: Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I live across the street from you.

First Man: Nice to meet you, Homer, I'm Kyle and this is Keith, we're Gay.

Homer: Oh, Good.

Kyle: won't you come in our house?.

Homer: Oh, Yes.

(Homer goes inside Kyle and Keith's House, Until Kyle closed the door behind him).

Kyle: Homer, why don't you have a seat, and I'll see about getting something for us to drink.

Homer: Ok.

Keith took Homer to the living room of the house, they sat down on the couch,
while Keith was looking at him, and Kyle went into the kitchen to get something to drink

Homer: So, Keith, how long have you known Kyle.

Keith: We've met in Romania.

Homer: Oh I see.

suddenly, Keith started caressing the back of homer's neck

Homer: Keith, what are you doing?.

Keith: Shhhhhh, don't say another word, just relax,

Homer: Ok.

Homer started to relax as Keith continued caressing the back of his (Homer) neck,
until Homer fell under a hypnotizing spell

Keith: that's it, just relax.

suddenly Homer was fully hypnotized, Keith put his finger on Homer's white T-shirt, he slowly moved it down to Homer's stomach, until his white t-shirt started to rip, he took Homer's white t-shirt off of him, and start caressing his stomach, until Kyle came in the room, had a tray that had a glass of slim-fast on it, he put the tray on the table, picked the glass of slim-fast up, he carried it toward them .

Kyle: Ok, Homer, open your mouth.

Keith pulls a hypnotized Homer Simpsons head to open his mouth, while Kyle poured the glass of slim-fast in his mouth
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Insane Underling
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Re: Homer Simpson's Vampire Encounter.

Post by c_nordlander » Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:07 am

Welcome to the board, Vampire Girlie!

While we're always happy to get more fanfics, unfinished stories should be posted in Writing Help. The Completed Writing board is for completed stories only, as the name says. (Also, it's not a very good idea to keep updating the same post, since readers won't be alerted to the post having been changed and so will miss the new material.)

As for the story itself, there's not enough of it so far for me to say much about it. Vampire stories are always fun, but the writing here is pretty lacklustre. "I'm Kyle and this is Keith, we're Gay." That doesn't seem like the way any person would talk. The story itself seems a bit skeevy so far, but I'll suspend my judgment until there's more of it.

Also, you need to proofread a story before posting it (there are some cases of missing capitalisation, or capitalisation that shouldn't be there). Be consistent whether stage directions are in italics or not. And you need to decide whether you're writing in script or prose format (if you're writing a script, your stage directions should be in the present tense, not past tense). We're fine with either, but don't mix the two.

Moreover, while we're fine with moderate "mature" content, for the sake of our younger readers, you should probably stick such stories in an attachment or a link, rather than putting it straight in the post.

I don't mean to discourage you from writing in any way. Just put this story in the right forum and try to stick to either script or prose.
Are you really gonna take it like that?
Riding on the missile with a cowboy hat?

Oh, well the world is gonna end
So dance around the fire that we once believed in
Oh, wanna tear it down again, now
'Cause there's nothing left for us to bleed
Give it up, the sons of anarchy
So come around and have another round on me!


-- The Offspring, "Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell"