Review: Once Around

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missy_misery
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Review: Once Around

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 21, 2014 8:26 pm

All gussied up and ready to be looked over!

SUMMARY: Post-Fry and Leela have their second chance - the question is what they should do with it.
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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c_nordlander
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Re: Review: Once Around

Post by c_nordlander » Sat Sep 20, 2014 8:31 pm

Typo check: "Leela’s single eyelid began to flutter before raising and fixing on Fry’s smile" needs fixing (it should be her eye fixing on Fry's smile, not her eyelid). Also, you spell "aeon" in two different ways ("aeon" and "eon"). Relatedly, "eons old monuments" should be "eons-old" (or "aeons-old", if that's what you prefer). "si’l’vous plait" should be "s'il vous plaît".

I enjoyed this a lot. The plot is very low-key, but the writing is excellent, both the dialogue and the descriptions: both Fry's and Leela's voices feel exactly like on the show. In fact, I'd say the writing is flawless. Fry and Leela are perfectly in character, and the chemistry between them is very sweet. Also, as I said before, I like that Leela wants to adopt children. Nice bit of continuity with "The Cyber House Rules".

I don't have anything negative to say about it. Like I said, it's a bit low on plot, but that isn't really a problem. It's well-paced, and like I said, very well written.

My score: A-
Last edited by c_nordlander on Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Are you really gonna take it like that?
Riding on the missile with a cowboy hat?

Oh, well the world is gonna end
So dance around the fire that we once believed in
Oh, wanna tear it down again, now
'Cause there's nothing left for us to bleed
Give it up, the sons of anarchy
So come around and have another round on me!

DANCE, F***ER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERF***ER BURN!


-- The Offspring, "Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell"
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missy_misery
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Re: Review: Once Around

Post by missy_misery » Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:03 am

N'aww, I thought my beta caught everything; typos will get fixed soon!

Thank you, Chris :)
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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