All gussied up and ready to be looked over!
SUMMARY: Post-Fry and Leela have their second chance - the question is what they should do with it.
Review: Once Around
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- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
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Review: Once Around
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
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Re: Review: Once Around
Typo check: "Leela’s single eyelid began to flutter before raising and fixing on Fry’s smile" needs fixing (it should be her eye fixing on Fry's smile, not her eyelid). Also, you spell "aeon" in two different ways ("aeon" and "eon"). Relatedly, "eons old monuments" should be "eons-old" (or "aeons-old", if that's what you prefer). "si’l’vous plait" should be "s'il vous plaît".
I enjoyed this a lot. The plot is very low-key, but the writing is excellent, both the dialogue and the descriptions: both Fry's and Leela's voices feel exactly like on the show. In fact, I'd say the writing is flawless. Fry and Leela are perfectly in character, and the chemistry between them is very sweet. Also, as I said before, I like that Leela wants to adopt children. Nice bit of continuity with "The Cyber House Rules".
I don't have anything negative to say about it. Like I said, it's a bit low on plot, but that isn't really a problem. It's well-paced, and like I said, very well written.
My score: A-
I enjoyed this a lot. The plot is very low-key, but the writing is excellent, both the dialogue and the descriptions: both Fry's and Leela's voices feel exactly like on the show. In fact, I'd say the writing is flawless. Fry and Leela are perfectly in character, and the chemistry between them is very sweet. Also, as I said before, I like that Leela wants to adopt children. Nice bit of continuity with "The Cyber House Rules".
I don't have anything negative to say about it. Like I said, it's a bit low on plot, but that isn't really a problem. It's well-paced, and like I said, very well written.
My score: A-
Last edited by c_nordlander on Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: Review: Once Around
N'aww, I thought my beta caught everything; typos will get fixed soon!
Thank you, Chris
Thank you, Chris
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"