Summer Of 4'3"
Forum rules
Things to remember when posting:
Things to remember when posting:
- If you want a review please place REVIEW: at the start of the topic line
- There may be some time between you posting and people replying, as our members do their utmost to read through a fic before telling you want they think
- Reviews must be made with good grace and politeness. "It sucks" isn't a review.
- Finally, please try to stay on topic.
-
addictive
- Safety Technician
- Posts: 256
- Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:29 am
- Location: Appleton, Wisconsin, USA
- Contact:
Summer Of 4'3"
My completed story. In my last section, there were a few unrealistic jokes, and I re-used a line that also appeared earlier, but in my opinion, it was for the better. Enjoy!
- Attachments
-
- Summer Of The 4.doc
- (176 KiB) Downloaded 761 times
Find Me, A poem by Chris Dominowski.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
-
Dead Composer
- Trainee Technician
- Posts: 103
- Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 4:13 pm
- Location: Lost in space
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
Responses:
- Describing the entire opening sequence is pointless and unnecessary. We know how it goes.
- Why do you need the ice cream employee who always speaks "blandly"? Why not use the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager instead?
- Rev. Lovejoy needs booze? Can you say OOC? You could have him say "I'm going back to my trains" instead.
- "I'm not paranoid. Which of my enemies told you that?" LOL
- Wow. The plot twist involving Flora actually shook up the show's status quo.
A fair-to-middling story overall.
- Describing the entire opening sequence is pointless and unnecessary. We know how it goes.
- Why do you need the ice cream employee who always speaks "blandly"? Why not use the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager instead?
- Rev. Lovejoy needs booze? Can you say OOC? You could have him say "I'm going back to my trains" instead.
- "I'm not paranoid. Which of my enemies told you that?" LOL
- Wow. The plot twist involving Flora actually shook up the show's status quo.
A fair-to-middling story overall.
-
addictive
- Safety Technician
- Posts: 256
- Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:29 am
- Location: Appleton, Wisconsin, USA
- Contact:
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
Yeah, sorry. I forgot to fix that. But, it's just more flowing than actually just listing the couch gag and chalkboard gag, don't you think?Describing the entire opening sequence is pointless and unnecessary. We know how it goes
1. He comes later in the script. 2. Pathetic people are funnier, in my opinion.Why do you need the ice cream employee who always speaks "blandly"?
If you saw the simpsons comic short "A day at the Watering Hole" you will learn that he frequently drinks.Rev. Lovejoy needs booze?
I use the word "Decent" as a rating medium. Is it worse, the same, or better than decent? Sorry. I can't figure it out otherwise.A fair-to-middling story overall.
Last edited by Anonymous on Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Find Me, A poem by Chris Dominowski.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
-
Lady_Simpson
- Trainee Technician
- Posts: 189
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:36 am
- Location: Victoria, BC; Canada
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
Flora being adopted by the Simpsons was certainly expected and original, good job on that one.
My only complaint with this story, which is more opinion than anything else, is that it jumps around with many different plots ...I think the ideas could be better exhibited if they had their own individual episode.
That was a great joke.[He pulls out a business card, with the words: “Seaside Mafia, ‘Bets placed here have %50 chance of winning, or your money back!”]
My only complaint with this story, which is more opinion than anything else, is that it jumps around with many different plots ...I think the ideas could be better exhibited if they had their own individual episode.
Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
-
zekeprower
- Safety Technician
- Posts: 289
- Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:47 am
- Location: Yucca Valley California
- Contact:
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
I think that DC (you can yell at me if i am wrong) means that the story would recieve a 3-5 out of 10. but i could be very wrong. just a thought
He stood tall on top of the mountain of his ancestors and looked down to see his home. He let loose a loud howl. He is now a man, but not just a man. He is now a true Wolf and others are sure to follow him.
-
addictive
- Safety Technician
- Posts: 256
- Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:29 am
- Location: Appleton, Wisconsin, USA
- Contact:
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
I'd say that's pretty close, but maybe more like 4-6 out of 10.
Find Me, A poem by Chris Dominowski.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
If I am lost, and you do not care, will the search ever be fair?
Why am I here? What should I do?
The answer to this, I once knew.
Why should I be found if I always must hide?
I have tried so hard, my soul has died.
Over the years, In fear I have drowned. It is finally clear; I cannot be found.
Human, a poem by Chris dominowski
I wear sunglasses at night, but I carry a flashlight.
I turn from the flame, but stare at the ashes.
I walk into the woods, and never touch the trail.
I always look at my calander, but do not care what day it is.
I am the mixture of light and darkness; I am human.
-
Lady_Simpson
- Trainee Technician
- Posts: 189
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:36 am
- Location: Victoria, BC; Canada
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
I'd give this one at least a 7/10.
Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
-
kylekool150
- New SNPP Employee
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:36 pm
Re: Summer Of 4'3"
I'd give it a 9/10 it was really good.
I take a whiskey drink
I take a beer drink.
And when I have to pee.
I use the kitchen sink.
My Website: www.SimpsonsLegion.piczo.com
I take a beer drink.
And when I have to pee.
I use the kitchen sink.
My Website: www.SimpsonsLegion.piczo.com