The Way it Ends / About Time

[Enhas]

At the suggestion of Missy, I've posted The Way it Ends over here, you can read it either on the site or in the attachment below.

There's another short called About Time too.

[missy_misery]

I'm glad to see you took my advice.

I gave you some gushing thoughts on "The Way It Ends", but I'll add to what I said before by complimenting your unique Fry voice - it's very crisp.

It might take awhile for others to review, but rest assured it's worth it :-)

[archonix]

I haven't read the first, but the second is great. I'll leave it up to others to get in a really in-depth review, as always. Let me just say that youv'e captured the humour of the show really well, and managed to do something that a lot authors have trouble achieving: make it funny. Bravo, and welcome.

[missy_misery]

"About Time" feedback:

Graham's right - you capture what makes the show funny very well.  The fake-out at the beginning (which I won't reveal for the sake of spoilers) is a great little trick.

The Fry/Leela is nicely done, realistically done as well.  The Professor's his usual self, and Bender's scheme is in-character (only he'd be able to make money off of a puking baby contest).

My one gripe is that I wish it'd be longer - I'm actually more interested in the outcome of Bender's scheme than the result of Fry and Leela's time alone (only because I don't think you were going for full 'shipfic here, but I know you could make them getting together/not getting together in this universe interesting as well, which is a high compliment from me in this fandom nowadays).

Letter Grade: A

[c_nordlander]

Review of "The Way it Ends":

First of all, I like the premise. I've also toyed with the thought of Fry deciding he has no business in the future after Leela finding another man, or similar. This plot flows well, with no events that feel contrived. The idea of Nibbler helping him out feels realistic, and the bit where Fry goes back to the Cryogenics building is nicely twisty and not too confusing. (Well, I did find it confusing, but that's because I've never watched all of "The Why of Fry".) I'm not too fond of the whole Nibblonians plot element, but it's used to good effect here. I liked the snippets (not too info-dumpy) of what happened to the Planet Express employees after the company went, and loved Fry's new name. You probably made a good choice not detailing too much of the events in this future. I also liked how Leela's daughter has two eyes: a small but lovely detail, when we consider how Leela herself was more "human" than her own parents.

Characterisation is good: Leela feels a bit soppy (perhaps because we only seem to see her when in a very emotional state), but Fry is great. The ending isn't particularly original, but sweet, and I like how it ends on a calm note that doesn't milk the story for melodrama. On the whole, the dialogue feels good and natural. I'm quite glad that Fry realised that Leela was wrong for him, and that both of them ended up in good relationships.

Some nice funny bits here and there, which is needed even in a dramatic story. The "So that's what happened to my bike!" line is so brilliant, it made me laugh out loud and quote it to my husband.

Unfortunately, it is easier to blame than to praise, and here it comes. (Since this is your first review by me, note that I am this harsh to *everyone*. If I'm not, that generally means I see no reason to waste time on their story.) Firstly, the style feels very bare-bones, particularly in the opening (it gets better later on). On the whole, the story feels very thin on description, though when there is description it's quite good. I don't really know how to remedy this. Read more good books, perhaps, and see how those authors make their writing flow and their environments feel real to the reader.

The plot is a mixed bag. While I like the set-up, like I said, this story seems far from uncommon in the Futurama fandom. I haven't read too much Futurama fanfiction, unfortunately, but I've already seen the pattern: Fry leaves/dies/is lost forever, and Leela angsts because she never appreciated him. Of course, you've broken the mould a bit (with Leela getting married), which is admirable. Even so, it feels a bit done, particularly with Leela crying as much as she does. It seems to me to put her love for her new family in doubt. On a more general level, the plot feels a bit bare-bones too, leisurely despite its shortness. I realise this was never meant to be a swashbuckling adventure, but it feels strangely sedate in between the emotional bits.

Leela being able to play the Holophonor in the future comes a bit out of nowhere. I assume she's been taking classes and that it hasn't been necessary to say so, but it feels a bit odd.

Some technical nitpicks: "spinned" should be "spun". I didn't find any other spelling errors or typoes, but the two-dot ellipses don't really work. I also don't think Holophonor needs to be italicised.

For a first Futurama story, promising. I'm looking forward to reading your other offerings.

So, in conclusion, I give this story a high B. Nothing groundbreaking, but certainly not a waste of time either.

[c_nordlander]

Review of "About Time":

Well, a plotless one-shot, as you point out, so there's not a lot to say about it. It's a good one, though. The style is quite good (better than in "The Way it Ends", I think, certainly more descriptive), and characterisation seems good. The bit I like most is how Leela is still having nightmares about the events of "The Sting", though the bait-and-switch opening is also excellent.

On the downside, the ending, while funny, isn't anything amazing, and there are some odd screenplay-like bits in the middle of the prose. (It actually works with the video, but the "scene change" is just pointless.)

My rating: B+