Anyway, with a new year comes a new part of my review.
Chapter 5
The chapter starts off with telling us that Bart, Lisa and Vladimir are altogether at school just before class starts. Lisa asks if Vladimir prefers to be called Vlad. Vlad does not, for obvious reasons.
Lisa's heart wobbles at this tidbit of information. God, she's so lovesick it's terrifying. She tries to speak, but Bart interjects with "What my sister means to say, is that she's unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you." Hm, Bart's strangely verbose today. Ohh, I get it - it's because that's what Bella says on the back of the Twilight book. Yeah, that totally bypasses characterisation.
Vlad says that Bart and Lisa's interplay is almost enough to inspire laughter. Anyone else imagining Rex Banner's attempt to laugh?
Lisa recovers enough of her wits to ask Vlad if they could meet his parents. If his father is Robert de Niro, I'm totally giving this an A.
Oh, but Vlad is an orphan. He lives with his older sister Angelina, who is of the same age. Lisa rationalises away this curious slip of the tongue by Vlad as maybe she's just recently had a birthday. Man, Lisa really has a thing for this guy.
Vlad leaves, and Bart calls him Vlad. Lisa tells Bart off, saying that Vlad doesn't like being called Vlad. Bart doesn't get the big deal with calling Vlad Vlad, and Lisa tells that Dracula's first name was Vlad. Bart says he always thought it was 'Count'. I honestly can't tell if he's being serious or sarcastic.
After school, Marge transports Bart and Lisa to Vlad's apartment building. Marge obviously got that job on the Enterprise. Before she leaves, she warns them against Vlad offering alcohol and drugs. It's good to see Marge allow her young children wander into potentially dangerous areas with such sage advice.
Lisa wears her Sunday Best, while Bart decides to forgo his shorts-and-blue-shirt combo and goes with his usual. They go to the thirteenth floor, to Apartment 1313, where they hope to first meet Vlad's thirteen-year-old sister. If there's a theme here, I've missed it.
They ring the doorbell and it plays a dirge-like melody. Bart quips that it's the theme to The Osbournes, but in actual fact it's Dies Irae. Lisa goes on to explain the piece in detail, when Bart says, "Shut up, Lisa's brain." Aw, Bart... Why did you have to say that last word? I was beginning to like you again.
Angelina answers the door, looking quite hippie-like and pale.
Chapter 6
The Estragon apartment is nicely described in its scarce, yet of reasonably good quality, furnishings. Lisa manages to note Angelina's missing accent, and also the improbability of the two of them living alone in the seedy apartment complex. But Angelina quickly explains away the unusual circumstances. Until Bart alerts Lisa to something truly bizarre. All the food in the refrigerator is fresh. Okay, so a fridge full of untouched food is weird, but I can't imagine Bart taking note of this.
Angelina swoops in with another explanation, but Lisa isn't buying it this time. If the fridge had broken down in the past two days, then surely they would've put in a big block of ice in to keep everything cool, like what Marge apparently does. Lisa dramatically opens the freezer to reveal said big block of ice.
...
I'm sorry, it could be my weird upside-down Australian ways, but why would anyone keep a large block of ice in their freezer? It just reduces the amount of space you'd have for the stuff that needs to be kept frozen. And what good would a large block of ice do in a broken down fridge? It'd just melt and make everything wet.
Angelina agrees with me, saying that she wouldn't have thought of doing that. Apparently, In Karjakistan, refrigerators cool YOU are a luxury. Lisa keeps a tight hold of her smarts and tells Angelina that there is no Karjakistan, Google said so. Angelina holds her peace while Bart speaks up and tells Lisa that "we don't want to offend our hostess." Ohh, that's a very good ventriloquist act Angelina has. I almost believed Bart said that.
Vlad arrives, and commends Lisa on her ability to spot what's right in front of her. He almost goes all Bond Villain but reassures the Simpson kids that he is joking. Bart isn't so sure, but Lisa goes right into Forgiving Mode and tells him it's okay for him to be embarrassed about his real homeland. Even if it's Kansas. Man, Lisa's a real bitch about other people's countries and beliefs, isn't she?
Vlad says nothing but moves in fast to hold hands with Lisa, fingers intertwining. Hello Dolly songs suddenly enter my mind. Meanwhile, Lisa's mind empties as she gazes into the beauty that is Vlad.
Angelina asks Vlad if they can 'trust these mortals with their secret'. Uh... I guess you have to now? Bart gets offended by being called a mortal and starts bragging about jumping Springfield Gorge. Shh Bart, now's not the time.
Lisa is puzzled by the use of the word 'mortals', and asks what they are if not mortal. Angelina burns her good by telling her that if she's so smart, then why hasn't she figured it out yet. Yeah, why hasn't she figured it out? She reads those books right? Even Bella figured it out by now.
Angelina, fueled by her earlier burn, tells Lisa to go and rent the movie Juno and pay attention during the end credits. Bart and Lisa are as utterly confused by this as I am. If you're going to reference something obscure, don't shove it into the limelight.
Angelina goes insane from her reference going unnoticed and starts singing "I am a vampire" over and over. Lisa musters all her brain power to figure this out.
Gordon Bennet, shouldn't have let her out in the first place."Wait," said Lisa quietly. "Are you trying to tell me...that you're a vampire?"
Chapter 7 follows soon.