Review: Venturama

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Gulliver63
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Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:21 am

I am so glad to finally be able to bring this to you, as I've promised it for so long. The finished story was on my Gateway laptop when it died, so I basically had to write the story again from memory. No deep melodrama here...only the zany craziness that would happen if you got these two groups of people together. And the fun of getting Rusty Venture together with Professor Farnsworth. The genesis of this story started at the end of summer when it was still hot outside - it was kind of tough figuring out how to slam these two groups together and pull the story off. The other challenge was that there were so many characters to choose from...there must be hundreds in Venture Brothers. If I get some smiles and chuckles out there among the readers, I've done my job well. Enjoy...and laugh.
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by missy_misery » Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:03 am

This was SO much fun, Gulliver! I adored your Brock voice, particularly.
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Sun Dec 04, 2011 1:06 pm

Thanks! Now, try not to laugh, but as I did the read-throughs of this story, I would usually do them in voice (I happen to do a good voice for both henchmen, and I do a great Dr. G). One of the challenges was keeping 21 and 24 from being mixed up with each other. I realize that the VB timeline is sort of messed up a bit, but I have to admit that I haven't even seen the newest episodes yet. It really threw me for a loop when Brock dropped out of the show, and I longed for the seasons one and two episodes that I love. A VB story without Brock Samson to me would be like killing Fry or Leela...not much of a show. My biggest challenge of the story was
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A couple of other notes...U-totem stores were popular in Arizona where I grew up; they were bought out by Seven Eleven, and are basically the same thing. I used to ride my bike to the one in southern Tempe all the time. I went for the date being 2012 instead of 2011 because we're so close to the new year. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

BTW...The Brock voice is so easy...you just throw "Doc" in every sentence. "What are ya doin', Doc?" "Where ya goin', Doc?" He still is so funny, from that first episode where he killed the alligator in front of the UN.

:leela
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by c_nordlander » Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:30 pm

Typoes and grammar issues: "grab onto" should be "grab on to"; "the pile of henchman", "you're daddy" should be "your"; "he looked back at Amy" should be capitalised since it's a new sentence; "convenient store" should be "convenience store" (unless that's intentional); you wrote "Henchmen 21" at one point.

You're missing a scene break after "Am I dreaming, or are those two cops hitting that man with a lightsaber? We gotta talk to these guys..."

First of all, I'm really impressed with you rewriting this story from memory after losing the document. That's pretty darn strong. The title is perfect, and I love the title picture: your VB characters are very on-model.

As crossovers go, this one works, and it's fun to see two of my favourite shows together. You've got a pretty solid plot here, with some nice interaction between the cast (especially Leela and Brock, and Rusty's reaction to the various denizens of the future is great). I like Fry sending a postcard to his family. The scheme the protagonists use to
Spoiler
is very nice, and the award storyline provides a nice sense of closure. Funny ending, too.

All characterisation is good, with especially Rusty, Brock and Leela standing out. (Dr. Girlfriend, too, minor though her part was.) Oh, they're all great.

However, the comedy is where this story shines. Pretty much everyone has brilliant lines, and 21 and 24's banter is pitch-perfect. (I always have a hard time getting those two right.) I particularly loved Rusty's "this romantic moment" line, and Leela's quip about a pile of garbage. Many of the jokes made me laugh out loud. 21 and 24 getting an award ceremony in the basement is pretty hilarious, though that part could have been even funnier if it had been given more description. Some of the dialogue between 21 and 24 made me a bit emotional without being in the least sledgehammery, too.

On the downside, while I have nothing against a pure comedy fic, the relaxed pace of this story didn't really pull me in. There is not very much at stake for the characters until the characters go to New New York. Also, that opened up a plot hole:
Spoiler
A few of the jokes were a bit crude (though that's a personal taste thing), and I wasn't really happy with Amy feeling up Brock and trying to proposition him.

The writing is clear and not bad in any way, but nothing really stands out as well-written. A couple of good lines are deflated a bit by being over-written.

Unlike Missy, I don't see a problem with this being set in 2012 on the Ventures' side of things (despite things like
Spoiler
As far as I know, Venture Brothers has never specified which years it's set in, and it's such an alternative universe, it could easily be a few years either ahead or behind us. So 2012 might still be before the various changes to the show's status quo occurred.

All in all: the plot isn't very intriguing and has some issues, but the characterisation and humour are top-notch. B+

(And by all means, feel free to post this at Venture Industries as well. You don't have to, since Venture Industries is affiliated to this forum, but it could do with some more traffic.)
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:03 am

It would be an honor to post the story there, and I just posted a piece of art at dA that goes with the story as well. This is kind of a new exciting road for me. Come to think of it, I actually have several pieces of crossover art in this area. Thanks!
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Mon Dec 05, 2011 1:15 pm

BTW, having a bit of trouble getting on at Venture Industries...maybe it's on my end, but it keeps telling me that I haven't answered the anti-bot question properly. Just so you know. Thanks!
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by archonix » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:47 pm

Ah, hm... well it seems something had stopped working. Try it again and see what happens.
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:36 am

Hate to be a pest, but I still couldn't get in. Now it asks "What is the third word in this sentence?:
For protection against spam, Answer the above question," but it doesn't say what the question is. I assumed that it was the same as yesterday, but I still couldn't get in. Thanks.
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by archonix » Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:37 am

The third word in that sentence is "the".
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
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Re: Review: Venturama

Post by Gulliver63 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:34 am

Graham, you know I'm easily befuddled...sometimes it takes me 3 hours just to watch "60 Minutes." Anyway, thanks...we got it now. That was like putting me in a round room and telling me that there is a dollar in the corner...:)
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