REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
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REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
this is my second attempt.
drew
drew
"i used to believe in things when i was a kid." - homer simpson
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Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
Holy cow! Hee hee! Nice play on words!
And Sideshow Mel's acting so typical too.
"This little girl is right!" - Sideshow Mel
Really well written story. Bravo! You surely no the in and outs of writing a simpsons like story with all the format, rules and style contributed.
And Sideshow Mel's acting so typical too.
"This little girl is right!" - Sideshow Mel
Really well written story. Bravo! You surely no the in and outs of writing a simpsons like story with all the format, rules and style contributed.
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Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
thank you very very much. i appreciate very much.
drew
drew
"i used to believe in things when i was a kid." - homer simpson
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Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
Hey Drew,
Another fine script...
Cool story: I'd say the ending is a bit abrupt, but my own script ends rather quickly too. It might be interesting to have the "memory eraser" work on everyone except Homer--just a thought.
With the cow in several scenes, it might be funny to play on Bart's old catch phrase;
(As Flanders drags Rod & Todd away)
BART: Don't pray to a cow, man.
-Or something like that...
When Lou eats Wiggum's Tweenkie, Wiggum could say,
WIGGUM: Dammit Lou, that was the last one.
Also, at Bumble-bee-guy's house I think Lou might say,
(As he outlines the goat)
LOU: Man, I sure hope we don't get any more calls--I'm gonna run out of chalk.
-just before Wiggum asks him about it.
I also noticed a few type-o's:
Act 1, scene D
MARGE:...I don't know [how] much longer we can keep them.
---
HOMER: WHY?!...Patty or Zelma?! (I'm pretty sure it's Patty & Selma)
Act III, scene B
THE MOB STANDS THERE CONFUSED WHY THERE [they're]
IN AN ALLEYWAY WITH WEAPONS.
Hope this helps,
-KF
Another fine script...
Cool story: I'd say the ending is a bit abrupt, but my own script ends rather quickly too. It might be interesting to have the "memory eraser" work on everyone except Homer--just a thought.
With the cow in several scenes, it might be funny to play on Bart's old catch phrase;
(As Flanders drags Rod & Todd away)
BART: Don't pray to a cow, man.
-Or something like that...
When Lou eats Wiggum's Tweenkie, Wiggum could say,
WIGGUM: Dammit Lou, that was the last one.
Also, at Bumble-bee-guy's house I think Lou might say,
(As he outlines the goat)
LOU: Man, I sure hope we don't get any more calls--I'm gonna run out of chalk.
-just before Wiggum asks him about it.
I also noticed a few type-o's:
Act 1, scene D
MARGE:...I don't know [how] much longer we can keep them.
---
HOMER: WHY?!...Patty or Zelma?! (I'm pretty sure it's Patty & Selma)
Act III, scene B
THE MOB STANDS THERE CONFUSED WHY THERE [they're]
IN AN ALLEYWAY WITH WEAPONS.
Hope this helps,
-KF
--------------------------------------
RALPH: Me fail English?! That's unpossible.
--------------------------------------
COMIC BOOK GUY: There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now!
RALPH: Me fail English?! That's unpossible.
--------------------------------------
COMIC BOOK GUY: There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now!
- c_nordlander
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Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
[waking from a laugh-induced stupor] Wooo, I think I'm in love... with an uptown girl... [mumble] I buried Flanders!
Seriously, this should be on the show. (Worst cliché ever.) You have plenty of instant classic lines, like Ralph's "the kitty is melting", saluting the dead owl, and this priceless conversation:
HOMER: I'd hate to be him.
LISA: You *are* him!
The whole plot went very well with me, me being the sci-fi/horror freak I am. You never know when knowledge of a Hispano-Mexican myth might come in handy. (No, not the one about Mexico owning California. Another lovely line.) The ending was a perfect cop-out. Heh heh, Men in Yellow.
The downsides: the typos, of course, though I've seen much *much* worse scripts, but still... for starters, it's "udder", not "utter" (I think you got it right elsewhere). And Bart doesn't usually call Homer "Dad".
The bottom line, however, is that this is a well-constructed and hilarious script with two many classical moments to point out (oh, and I didn't mention "E-Bay of Pigs". GREAT!) Oh, and the title is the funnest I've seen in a while.
Seriously, this should be on the show. (Worst cliché ever.) You have plenty of instant classic lines, like Ralph's "the kitty is melting", saluting the dead owl, and this priceless conversation:
HOMER: I'd hate to be him.
LISA: You *are* him!
The whole plot went very well with me, me being the sci-fi/horror freak I am. You never know when knowledge of a Hispano-Mexican myth might come in handy. (No, not the one about Mexico owning California. Another lovely line.) The ending was a perfect cop-out. Heh heh, Men in Yellow.
The downsides: the typos, of course, though I've seen much *much* worse scripts, but still... for starters, it's "udder", not "utter" (I think you got it right elsewhere). And Bart doesn't usually call Homer "Dad".
The bottom line, however, is that this is a well-constructed and hilarious script with two many classical moments to point out (oh, and I didn't mention "E-Bay of Pigs". GREAT!) Oh, and the title is the funnest I've seen in a while.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
thak you very much you guys. your feedback is so encouraging. also muchas gracias for the typo corrections. let's just say i'm not the brightest star in the sky. hehe. but once again, thank you very very much for all of your kind comments. it means a lot to me.
drew
drew
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Re: REVIEW - Hang On, Chupy. Chupy, Hang On.
Downright hilarious! There were lots of great lines and jokes in this script:
-Homer's dyslexia
-"I'd hate to be him." "You are him."
-Principal Skinner and the goats
-Ralph's line
-Homer's line about the Baldwins
-the owl
-Bumblebee Guy
-"E-I-E-I-D'oh!" (not exactly new, but hilariously unexpected)
-the Count
-Homer and the jellyfish
-the dialogue about the Simpsons being on TV
-"Holy cow!"
-Hans Moleman
-the Men in Yellow
In short, a wonderfully entertaining script that really should be on the show. My grade: A
-Homer's dyslexia
-"I'd hate to be him." "You are him."
-Principal Skinner and the goats
-Ralph's line
-Homer's line about the Baldwins
-the owl
-Bumblebee Guy
-"E-I-E-I-D'oh!" (not exactly new, but hilariously unexpected)
-the Count
-Homer and the jellyfish
-the dialogue about the Simpsons being on TV
-"Holy cow!"
-Hans Moleman
-the Men in Yellow
In short, a wonderfully entertaining script that really should be on the show. My grade: A
What flows from me nose does not go on the clothes.