REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

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REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by jenny » Fri Dec 28, 2001 6:59 pm

While my fairly good self was ensconsed (as usual) in front of the computer, very convincingly pretending to be working on Lisa Fitzgerald, Educating Lisa, or any of the other mistakes I've made in the past, I actually proceeded to produce this typically jolly little jaunt, impulsively named The Yellow Mile by Soren.

Okay, the ending is as about as satisfying as the conclusion to the 1999 European Cup final (look it up), but, in the words of both evil baddy Mr Severin, and plucky Louise Sandbourne, "it's just one of those things". Look out for more misguided, unintelligable rantings from yours truly in the new year!

PS: This fic contains a few naughty words, and some slightly adult themes - just thought it'd be fair to warn y'all. It's also come to my attention that I may have accidentally called Maggie Lisa at some points in the fic. Sorry, force of habit. ;D
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by Archonix » Fri Dec 28, 2001 7:55 pm

Brilliant!  Just brilliant... what an ending.  I'd say more but I don't want to spoil it for everyone else.  Obviously comments about characterisation are out of the window since it's ahrd to define Maggie's character, but she seems alright. :)

Of course, now you've done this I'm sure you won't mind working on that comedy a bit more.. ;) ;)
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by Sheana_Molloy » Fri Dec 28, 2001 8:16 pm

I can't wait to read this! :)
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by IDPStan » Sat Dec 29, 2001 11:16 am

Well I've read it and wow!! Who'd have though someone in a position of power was be a drug user/dealer.*watchs Wild Bill puff on a reefer* :D

Once again it's vengeance time as the forces of law and order fail to do the job only vigilante assassins can eliminate the bad guys. LOL Oh this is so damn cheesy.  ;D

Still It's well done and you only fudged the name twice, one when she was on the phone and once when she was looking at the floor in a conversation with you know who. I kinda liked it although I can't believe that guy trusted Maggie after what he'd done, didn't he realise that she'd turn on him at the first opportunity?*smiles wryly at the ending*

Overall I'm undecided I don't hate it but I don't like it much either. :-/
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by Kwyjibo » Sat Dec 29, 2001 7:58 pm

Well, I liked this a lot. Especially the title. ;D
Seriously, this is a good story. It's well-written, except for a few typos, and has a surprising ending.
And how could I not love a story with a bad guy named after me? :)

If I have to say anything bad about it... Well, Jenny, it's a bit rushed.
That said, I still give this top grade...
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by Hera_Potter » Sun Dec 30, 2001 5:32 pm

There's too much swearing. I stopped reading when Maggie swore at Bart in capital letters.
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile

Post by jenny » Sun Dec 30, 2001 8:28 pm

Well, I did warn ya. :)
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by Archonix » Mon Dec 31, 2001 9:00 am

Jenny, I hope you don't mind, I've altered the title of the thread just a little bit. :)
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by IDPStan » Mon Dec 31, 2001 10:38 am

Ok so you didn't like the swearing...probably just as well you never got to the DRUGS bit then...
Why is it always mayday to call for help? Why not something like…Shove Tuesday or Ascension Sunday? - Arnold Rimmer

You have joined the sacred order of The Stonecutters, who since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge of light and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play Ping-Pong! - Number One
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by jenny » Mon Dec 31, 2001 12:11 pm

Wow, I've written the first ever non-pornographic adult Simpsons fic - what an honour.
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Dec 31, 2001 12:57 pm

Hooray! But... what about "The Destiny of a Homer"? That one had extramarital affairs and an auto-lobotomy in it. That's pretty adult in my book.
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by Archonix » Mon Dec 31, 2001 2:04 pm

Not adult, just mature.  Unlike me. ;)
Our choicest plans have fallen through, our airiest castles tumbled over, because of lines we neatly drew and later neatly stumbled over.
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by Marco » Thu Jan 03, 2002 5:53 am

Waah, the board is up! I already told Jenny what i thought of it, but here's the juice. :P

I was greatly and positively impressed by the parts were Maggie was described in prison waiting for the... "end". Jenny did an impressive work on those. Very emotional.

The start of the fic with the first flashback sets well the plot as well as the charachterization of the siblings.
After Maggie moves to the Big City, begins the not so good parts. I don't like Maggies charachterization, it's too stereotypized... but this could be a personal preference.
The ending didn't quite work for me. The main bad guy being fooled like this... nah. ;)
But i appreciate the intention to do a happy ending after all.
The swearing an the "situations" were a part of the story and of the ambientation, and were not abused.
All in all Jenny did a great job on this too. I'd say a 7/8 out of 10. :)

Now, when will you entertain us with something *really* Simpsonic? Come on, i know you're a winner in that genre too ;D
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by Kwyjibo » Thu Jan 03, 2002 7:04 am

Yeah, get working on EL! ;)
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Re: REVIEW - The Yellow Mile (Mature)

Post by Karsten_Thiel » Fri Jan 04, 2002 7:51 am

Could you please post the story again? I didn't get the chance to read it before the board crashed.
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