VR Lisa [Reacurence]

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VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Casper » Sun Feb 26, 2006 4:12 am

My my... why I almost forgot completely about this.

I keep saying I did this one little comic, with no actual proof. But, I managed to upload each page to a nice size.

Now, a year after I finished it, you can see.

Cover page
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10
Page 11
Page 12
Page 13
Page 14
Page 15
Page 16
Page 17
Page 18

Yup, another comic assosiated with Jake. Inspired from the first, and one of the only peices of Fan-Fiction I've ever read 'VR Lisa'
(Which after searching for a long time, I couldnt find. And, I didnt save it... So the real script has magicaly disapeard as it would seem...)

Ah, as a side note, I've done two sketches, but I'll wait till tomorow to upload and Casper Slide them. Untill then... enjoy
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Tigersrock144 » Sun Feb 26, 2006 5:50 pm

wow, that was pretty cool :D Neat idea, well done :)
I've never ever managed to complete any comic, it's quite an achievement  :D
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Feb 27, 2006 6:17 pm

Ooh, very nice! It's been quite a long time since I read this fic, but I remember enjoying it, and I'm delighted to see a comic version of it. Like I've said, it's great to see comics around here. It's about the right size for it as well.

First of all, as I said, I haven't read "VR Lisa" in years, so if you've made any substantial changes to the dialogue, I won't be aware of it (except in a few places). I will regard you as responsible for the typing and "camera angles", though. (I have very little practice reviewing comics, so bear with me.)

Some constructive criticism here, but nothing you can't handle.

Neat title page. I really think you should use straight lines when drawing an artificial object such as a computer, though.

I like the close-ups on the first page.

Hmm... you need to work on the character modelling a bit. They look in character, even quite good in places (Lisa in the first panel of Page 5, for example), but your style is still a bit crude. The main problem seem to be proportions, particularly height-wise: on the show, Bart and Lisa are really rather "compact". The mouths are a bit big as well, but nothing horrible.

The perspective on the second page looks very odd.

(I notice that the mouse is to the left of the computer. Is this intentional?)

Typo: "forbiden".

Actually, there are quite a few spelling problems here. Marge shouldn't shout "KID'S": it's "madness", "throbbing", "delinquent", "resonance", "protocol", "minute", "nuclear" (you spell it right later), "barbeque", "please" (I assume that was a typo). There are also some cases of missed punctuation (like question marks after questions) and apostrophes.

I love Lisa's angry expression at the top of Page 3.

Marge is rather off-model, I'm afraid. Practice will fix that. There's also something disturbing about the characters' arms in some panels that I can't put my finger on.

Is "KNOK!" intentional?

I must say, Hugh Parkfield looks almost perfect.

There are some very long speech balloons here. Not too big, but for future comics (which I hope you'll be making!), think about splitting up long dialogue lines to two or more panels.

Page 7 has some very nice facial expressions. A nitpick, though: in the bottom panel, Lisa's pose doesn't give an impression of running, speed lines aside. Perhaps you need to practice some model drawing.

It's "Buddhist". Funny line, though! (I'm pretty sure it's your line, not Jake's.) The destroyed Springfield is nicely desolate. Very good use of colour! Lisa's expressions are also pretty great on this page. I think the cartoony sweatdrops are a bit overkill, but it conveys the mood nicely.

The bit with the TV is nicely drawn and coloured, though Lisa looks a bit small in the second panel. The last panel is a bit unclear, though: it was only on my second reading that I noticed that Professor Frink is inside the TV. Probably my own fault, though you could probably make it clearer (by making him a bit smaller, for one thing).

Frink looking evil is great. Actually, Frink is pretty on-model, if not perfect.

Lisa crying seems like a bit of emotional overkill. But then, most people probably would in that situation.

Lisa's hair sizzling is a great image. Also Frink's ensuing scream.

The bit with the blacked-out panel is also great. (But I notice here, you need to work on hands.)

A somewhat corny ending, but that's not your fault.

So, a mixed bag, but there's a lot more good than bad in it. Some scenes are impressive, and you use colouring to great mood effect. For future notice: remember, spelling and grammar is as much of an imperative in a comic as in plain fiction, and you might want to work on the characters, particularly their proportions and things like hands. Perspective needs a bit of work as well.

In spite of these niggles, a very nice THoH comic. Kudos to you, Casper, and kudos to Jake for the script!
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Dagdamor » Mon Feb 27, 2006 7:32 pm

Well yeah, I must admit it quite differs from the original story. ;D
But nevertheless, this is so cool! Even if some of the characters look rather off-model.
Good job!
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Casper » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:12 pm

Thank you very much Black_Raven, Chris and Dagdamor! You've all made my day a bloody good one!

Too answer questions and coments:

I did change the script in many places, in fact I pretty much changed the entire ending from somthing funny, into somthing short and quick to get it out of the way unfortunatly. (This was done before I even posted on GFWC, so I didnt think anyone would ever know about it.)
I really think you should use straight lines when drawing an artificial object such as a computer, though
Ahh... are you refering to some foreign object known as a 'ruler'? :D
I had one, its here... somewhere... I'll get one for next time!

Character modeling... aye...
Despite the fact this was done so long ago, 'could do better' springs to mind. Nothing practice cant solve though.

Come to think of it, I didnt even think of what side the mouse went on. Its just an object when your in a rush. Duely noted.

Typpo's and spellleng... If you think thats bad, you shouldnt see my handwriting... :P
Next time, I'll run it all through a decent spell checker. Thankie :)

I've never been able to draw Marge, least of all Homer. Which is why Homer doesnt appear in this and he does in the script. Again, practice practice practice

'KNOK' is just another idiot mistake. I realised after it was all done it is spelt 'KNOCK'

The invasion of big speech balloons is because when I drew it, my handwriting was done in pencil. Conciquently, when I typed everything, the font was too small. If I made the font bigger, it would make everything... blow up, or somthing. I think it was because I didnt like the font too huge and wanted it the same size through out the comic.

Coment on the hands, yesh. I totaly agree, in fact I posted a 'help me' topic in the Creative-Pencil because I've always needed help drawing hands, thumbs inparticular.

Corny ending... probably my fault. I kinda rushed it... :P


Anyways, thank you very much for the con-crit. It will be of much use for next time, and if I can help it... there will be a next time!
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by intro111 » Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:16 pm

nice Idea ... respect ;) ...
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Andreas » Mon Feb 27, 2006 10:11 pm

Immaterial wrote: (I notice that the mouse is to the left of the computer. Is this intentional?)
Well, many Simpsons are left-handed in the show, so I'd say it's right (pun not intended ;) ). But I noticed that the computer has one dedicated "on" and one "off" switch - unless it isn't like this in the story, this must be quite an odd computer.

You did sum up the issues quite comprehensively, so I haven't much to add - the character design is somewhat "crude" in places, but on the other hand the story is pretty funny, and I had some good chuckles on how you set up the panels. Nice and creative work, well done!
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Re: VR Lisa [Reacurence]

Post by Casper » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:04 am

Thanks Andreas, and intro111 :)

I purposley made the computer an age old model, kinda to take a dig at their wealth buying such an old computer.
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, because it means it was well worth doing :)

Cheers!
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