I wrote the start of a Futurama fanscript I've been thinking about writing for some time. Fry gets himself marooned on a planet of hot mono-gendered aliens, and his friends have to rescue him somehow. Posting it in plain text, since I didn't get that much written, but I think I left off at a good place.
Con-crit is welcome but not necessary. I'll post this in its own Opinions thread if/when I finish it.
Note that the finished fic will have some dirty humour (nothing NSFW, but a bit more PG-13 than most of my stuff) and a Fry/OC relationship in case that bothers you. There's virtually nothing objectionable in this segment, though.
Without further ado:
EARTH GUYS ARE SLEAZY
By Christina Nordlander Dawson
Futurama and all established characters are the property of Comedy Central.
*
Subtitle: BUY WAR BONDS AND STAMPS!
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP - SPACE
Establishing shot.
LEELA (VO)
Captain's log, stardate 14/01/3013. We're heading home from Neutralia after a delivery which has turned out adequate.
CUT TO:
INT. PLANET EXPRESS MAIN BRIDGE - SPACE
LEELA is sitting in the pilot's seat, writing in her diary (complete with little lock on the cover). BENDER is slacking in the co-pilot's seat, while FRY is standing by the front window, gazing out at the stars.
LEELA (cont'd; erasing something in her diary)
-- scratch that. The mission was a success!
She sits back and cracks open a completely grey soda can, taking a sip. She holds it out in the direction of the guys.
LEELA
Any of you wanna try?
BENDER (turning his head away)
Eww, no. If I see anything grey again, it'll be a billion years early. (pause) Look, I can say that!
FRY
I know, I never thought I would find visiting an alien planet boring, but the Neutral Planet really opened my eyes. (pause) I'll never get tired of space-travel, though. Think of all the amazing planets we're passing by. (points at a pale speck outside) What's that one?
LEELA checks some information on one of her screens.
LEELA
That's Arbormortua-7. It's where Central Bureaucracy store all the paper copies of their documents.
FRY (disappointed)
Oh. (points at another speck) And what's that one?
LEELA reaches out and wipes the speck off the glass.
LEELA
Evidence that we need to clean the ship.
FRY points at another speck, this one greenish.
FRY
And what's *this* one?
LEELA (checks the screen)
That's Frazetta-1, populated by... (her voice trails off into an indistinguishable mumble)
FRY (interested)
Populated by what?
LEELA (clearly evasive)
Populated by no-one interesting. Now, how about we change that topic and talk about all the exciting sides we've seen of Neutral culture?
BENDER leans over and sneaks a look at her screen.
BENDER
Hmm, that's funny. Why don't you want Fry to know that Frazetta-1 is populated by a species of mono-gendered aliens who happen to look like incredibly hot humans?
LEELA
Bender! (hissing) I don't want him to get any silly ideas.
BENDER
You don't need to whisper, he's gone.
LEELA looks around. Indeed, FRY has left the bridge.
LEELA (slightly perturbed)
I just hope he's not planning to do anything stupid.
BENDER
Come on, what are the odds?
CUT TO:
INT. FRY'S AND BENDER'S BUNK ROOM - SPACE
FRY is sitting on his bunk, hands clutching his head, clearly suffering deep mental anguish. Finally, he takes a bottle of Lich Chili sauce out of his footlocker and pours it all on his pillow, sniffs it and sneezes.
FRY
Why did I do that? That was stupid.
He sits down again, thinking.
FRY'S FANTASY covers the upper right corner of the screen. A number of beautiful and shapely women, not overdressed, are lounging in a paradisical landscape.
FRAZETTA WOMAN
It's so boring, only having one gender. If only Philip J. Fry, Space Delivery Boy, were here to enliven our boredom.
FRY (anguished)
No, I can't! Leela would dump me or look at me really disapprovingly!
FRY'S FANTASY changes. Now, the landscape is barren and ruined, and the women are lying dying and dishevelled on the ground, while still looking as pretty as possible under the circumstances.
WOMAN (the same one)
Now we're all dying from a plague I can't be bothered to specify! If only Fry had come here to save us with the power of Earth manhood while still there was time!
FRY
Eee, a plague. Good thing I didn't go there!
The WOMAN turns to speak directly to him.
WOMAN (annoyed)
The plague hasn't actually happened, you moron. You'll save us all if you come here now.
FRY
Well, you seem to have it figured out.
CUT TO:
INT. ESCAPE POD BAY - SPACE
FRY stands in front of an escape pod, still hesitating. He looks out a window.
FRY'S POV. The greenish dot of Frazetta-1 is at the point of vanishing behind them.
CUT BACK. FRY's expression settles. He steps into the pod. The hatch closes behind him.
CUT TO:
EXT. POD - SPACE
The pod hurtles towards the lush surface of the planet.
CUT TO:
INT. POD - SPACE
FRY is practicing a suave smile and slicking back his hair in front of a mirror. He then gets a deodorant and gives himself a few sprays.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRAZETTA-1 - DAY
A very pastoral world, plains and forests, with barely a sign of sapient life.
The pod hurtles down from the sky and passes behind a thick forest. SFX: a loud thud. Everything shakes.
Smoke rises up behind the trees.
CUT TO:
EXT. POD LANDING SITE - DAY
The pod is buried in the ground at an angle, its passenger hatch rather high up. The hatch opens. FRY, hair mussed and generally looking the worse for wear, staggers out and falls a few feet to the ground.
Humanoid figures crowd around him, wearing various combos of furs, loin-cloths and tribal jewellery, most armed with spears.
CUT TO:
FRY'S POV. Hazy. He is looking up at the sky and the faces of the FRAZETTEERS leaning over him. They all look like human men, of various skin and hair colour. All handsome and muscle-bound, of course.
CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP of FRY, looking groggy.
FRY
Hey, where are all the girls?
He passes out.
*
link to the second part