The Simpsons & Futurama Fanworks Central

I read this new part, Alex, and the only thing in my mind right now is that very last line, and the fact that you wrote it and I didn't.

From now on we are enemies, you and I.

Well since it's May and apparently there's something to do with Mermaids...

Also a second version I drew later just for kicks.

Now some proper comments. I really enjoyed the new part of Chrisfic. Fry is wonderfully Fry in this, and Cyrus's role was really funny. The masculinity thing is dealt quite brilliantly.

Alexfic. It sucks to admit this, but for the first time in this story, it felt to me like the character's actions in the second half felt like they were done more "because the plot needs it" rather than "because the characters are like this". Also,

Spoiler

Meteorite reacted surprisingly well to knowing Rarity met Alexandra. I expected that would be a total mindfuck for her, and I was positive this part would end on a cliffhanger with her going into a massive existential crisis.

I think the ending was wonderful, though, and it made my heart all warm and fuzzy. So... I guess it was worth it? I feel bad for making this criticism because I admire how invested you were into making this, and you clearly put a huge lot of thought and care into it. And like I said, that ending line. Damn. I'm so envious.

May pics are just excellent. A hilarious concept, and their expressions are priceless. I also love the flowing lines and the weightless pose of Mermerri, and how the two versions give a slightly different mood: the first one lighter and more carefree, the second one more dynamic more concise. I can't tell which one is my favourite. I like the soft colours on the second one, though Fishouse's expression on the first one is funnier.

Thank you Fernie. I wish I could say I took your criticism gracefully, because you've raised some good points, but like the idiot I am, I worked myself up over it. But I like to think I've calmed down enough now to think rationally.

I do see, or rather, felt what you mean by it being plot-driven. I will admit it felt like I was fighting with the story the entire time I was writing it, but I can't really say I agree with it not being character driven... well, maybe Rarity, I don't know.

Spoiler

As for the revelation, I might've agree with you on the mindfuck if it were for the facts that, one, Meteorite had already convinced herself into thinking that I was fucking with her by setting up a date that didn't make sense, and two, Meteorite, at this point, still thinks of me as I was from 2012, and I did not commonly go by Alexandra then, just Alex. If anything, it just made her confused than mindblown. I probably could've conveyed the whole thing better though.

But in any case, please don't feel bad about what you said; if anything it highlighted the fact that, yes, I did rush this part out too soon, I goddamn knew it, and my god I need to be better about not working myself up over nothing.


(and please don't be my enemy, I like you)

I made an artist nervous with my criticism and I'm not proud of it! Man, I'd be one shitty critic, wouldn't I?

Meteorite wrote:I will admit it felt like I was fighting with the story the entire time I was writing it, but I can't really say I agree with it not being character driven...

Yes, I think you're correct. The characters are still there and they're totally recognisable. I think it's difficult to distinguish characterisation from "author intrusion" in this case because their motivations are so complex. And it's no wonder you felt you're fighting the story. It's a hard scene to write! And honestly, I don't think I could do any better. And your explanation about the spoilered bit is convincing, it does makes sense. It's easy to get a narrative bogged down by explanations and justifications, and it might've been a better idea to avoid that. In the end, I was passionate about this story, and I find that I still am. I'm happy you defended your work, and I admire you even more now. As for getting worked up over nothing; we're artists, man! Being nervous and insecure is part of the ride.

Meteorite wrote:(and please don't be my enemy, I like you)

Hrrm, alright. I don't exactly have an abundance of people who like me, so I gotta preserve the few I've got!

@May: both pics are very good, in my opinion, but I agree that the second is a lot more dynamic. The first one isn't bad by any stretch, though.

I've read about 1/3 of Meteoritestory. Holding off judgement until I'm finished, but so far this chapter is really well-written and good in general. I even got a bit of a lump in my throat when

Spoiler

Meteorite thinks about having to turn Rarity down.

Finally finished reading the Meteoritestory chapter.

First, a note on taking criticism: we all say "I want con-crit, make it as harsh as you can," but... let's face it, we don't really. (Or maybe stronger people than I do.) My supervisor at university compared reading reviews of her books to being flayed alive, and she was 50+ years old with lots of publications under her belt.

Me? I like this chapter and don't really see Fernie's problem (which of course isn't to say that I'm right and he's wrong). The only thing that possibly felt contrived was Meteorite's anger at the end; I can see her being upset, but being angry at Rarity seems unmotivated. On the other hand, this part did a much better job explaining *why* she feels she doesn't have a right to date Rarity, and it makes a lot of sense.

Writing's still very good, especially the first few pages. Rarity's planning at the start is very much in character. The bit with the stallion at the restaurant is a great way to bring on Meteorite's realisation, and "I didn't think you would actually slow down" is a great line. So I have very little to nitpick at here; keep it up. (And Fernie's right, the very last sentence is great as well.)

Spelling nitpick: the D in "maître d'" shouldn't be capitalised; and "wringed" should be "wrung". (There are a couple of typoes and missing words as well, but that's understandable given that it's a creativity hour work, and easily fixed with a read-through.)

Thank you Chris. I have to agree with you about Meteorite being angry; mainly because now looking over it, I had actually completely omitted the reason why (well, not completely; it's mentioned way in the beginning of the story, when Alexandra brings it up at the end of Act I, but I forgot to highlight it again here, so I should probably do that at some point)

Spoiler

But yeah, Meteorite isn't actually angry at Rarity; due to her suspicions rising again and the evening looking more and more like a contrived date put together just for the purpose of pairing her up with Rarity, she's fallen back into her paranoia that I, the author, is in control of everything and everyone, including Rarity. So when she snaps at Rarity, the reason why she's suddenly abrasive towards her is because she doesn't see her as Rarity anymore, only as the author using her, and that is who she's actually talking to.

She only continues calling her Rarity for the sake of appearances. Also there's always the chance she's... well, wrong. It's why she was very open about being told anything to explain away the date; she wanted to be wrong about her paranoia.

So yeah, totally dropped the ball on that!

That makes perfect sense, Alex. I did actually guess that might be the case when reading the chapter, but that was partly because you referred to the reason for her anger in your reply to Fernie. Add some hints about why she gets angry, and you'll be good.

Yep, what Chris said. That would make that chapter virtually perfect.

Drew a space marine from my Warhammer 40k army, Sgt. Martel of the Destroying Angels, nicknamed "the Rolling-Mill".

Backstory: she really likes killing heretics.
Bio: SHE GOT HER WISH!

EDIT: I decided to draw her out of armour, and there's not a lot of art showing what space marines wear underneath, but this pic made for a good reference. Long robes seem suitably easy to draw monastic.

My next part. I usually try to say something funny here, but... *shrug* I just... like this part.

And so you should. Extremely well-written, and has a very sweet ending.

I agree with the others that you can probably end here; provided of course that you don't have anything more you want to tell. Obviously if you have more stuff to put in you should go for it, but it does seem like a natural endpoint.

Decided to try drawing a Zelda sprite for if there'd been a non-sucky 90s game where she was the player character. Feel free to give con-crit if you want; I'm a complete noob at sprite art.