Creativity Hour works thread

[c_nordlander]

Read your fic now. A few grammar issues that I won't point out (unless you want me to), because I know this was written in a strict time frame. However, "so they can be the stuff of legends for three minutes" should be "could" to fit the tense in the rest of the story (great line otherwise). Also, clearly typoes: "at when she just witnessed" should be "what" (also, should be "had witnessed"); and "getting you get all huffy"; "rested her head on her elbows let herself get carried off by the sounds of the rain" needs an "and"; "felt a refreshed enough"

Very enjoyable story. Reading about bullying is never *fun*, but you describe it very accurately, and that just made the climax all the more cathartic. Allison feels in character (with changes that are appropriate to her being older than on the show), and hers and Sherri's interaction is great. And your writing feels as descriptive and fresh as ever, especially Sherri's big tirade of insults. I can totally buy this as the start of Allison's and Sherri's relationship from your futureverse. The final line is very sweet.

[c_nordlander]

Earth guys
Guys
Earth guys are sleazy
Earth guys
Guys
Know how to skeeze me
Earth guys!

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Eyup, it's that time again! Last time, Fry felt guilty over having a fight with Cyrus, so he did some housework to make up, and then they went riding flying donkeys. This is not a euphemism.

Kind of a slow bit again, but I promise the pace will pick up in the next instalment.

link to part 8

[SirMustapha]

I commented in chat, but I'll say it here also that I think the story is coming along really well. It's quite impressive to see how the gender issues come across so naturally just by having Fry act like Fry. I'm really enjoying your writing and your characterisation in this.

[c_nordlander]

That's high praise! If it's not coming off as preachy, I'm very happy.

[c_nordlander]

New part of "Earth Guys Are Sleazy".

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In last week's episode, Fry got a lecture from a buff nine-foot-tall barbarian about how gender roles are limiting. Thrilling stuff. But things are actually happening again!

link to part 9

[Nidotamer]

Definitely never easy to write a full thing, albeit small, in one hour.

[SirMustapha]

Repeating what I said in chat, Chrisstory is developing nicely, going into interesting places, and the characterisation is still a big strong point. Fry is so good in this.

May story is also highly enjoyable, a good piece of character study, and builds some solid emotion into a seemingly simple situation. I actually felt sorry for her at the end, which is good, of course.

As stated in chat, I've worked on music through this week, and shared the latest pieces I'm working on, They're part of a piano suite with seven pieces, each one based on one mode of the major scale (but it's not necessary to know the theory in order to enjoy the music) and inspired by one character from MLP. Mind that the mode-character associations are based freely on my own impressions, and the musical material is based on how I personally perceive each character and the traits I wanted to bring out. Still, I want the music to make sense to someone who knows the characters, so all comments are welcome.

Mixolydian | aj (I decided to base this on some styles of Brazilian rural folk music, because that's what the scale reminds me of)
Locrian | s (I severely reworked this from its previous version, to make it less sinister, and more vulnerable and sweet. I also changed the key, but that's a minor change)
Ionian | fs (I'm not sure if this one's finished, but I like what I have so far)

For the sake of completeness, here's Lydian | rd as well.

(if you're curious, the remaining pieces will be Dorian | ts, Phrygian | pp and Aeolian | r.)

[c_nordlander]

@May: feels like your story needs a bit of polishing (not surprising, giving the time frame), but it's still pretty well written. The subject matter is interesting, and Allison feels in character. It's about a side of her that doesn't normally get focus in fanworks about her (in my experience), but still feels suitable to her. The ending made me a bit emotional. Also, as a side note, I always like it when Alex White shows up in fanfics, since that seems a bit rare.

@Fernie: Thanks for the praise!

Now that I know that the Locrian piece is about Spike, I quite like that it sounds a bit menacing. Cute boy or not, he is after all a dragon. Anyway, I like it a lot.

As for Ionian, only you can tell whether it needs more work, but it feels appropriate for Fluttershy. The more complex bit coming on at about 2:00 feels a bit detached from the previous tune, though.

All these pieces are very good and enjoyable, and feel appropriate to their respective characters.

[c_nordlander]

Drawn last night and uploaded now: another of muh spess mehreens reacting to someone walking in on her sparring session. I'm going too far with my fandoms. Con-crit, any con-crit, is very much welcome.

Backstory: Joanna Josephi was an orphan, living on the streets of a hive city where she earned her living through bare-knuckle boxing and small-time courier activity. Word of her physical prowess came to the ear of the recruiters of the Adeptus Astartes, and she was press-ganged to the newly formed all-female chapter, the Destroying Angels. Much to the recruiters' surprise, the hair-dyed, tattooed prize fighter came along willingly, looking forward to a life where she would have a better opportunity to find the daemon-empowered Chaos cultist who was persecuting her family line.

Profile: Very much unlike the commonly projected image of Space Marines as stoic religious warriors, Joanna is outspoken, likes her liquor, and was a disciplinary nightmare during her training. She never uses ranged weapons if she can avoid it, preferring to pulp her enemies with a good ol' Power Fist. Or her bare fists, that's good too because then she doesn't have to go through all the sanctification rituals.


Might not actually have this chick in my army, but a girl can dream right. I originally intended to give her some sort of flamboyant anime hairstyle, but I decided to go with a flat top due to lack of page, and I actually realised it was the best hairstyle for her. She probably has a little braid or ponytail in the back of her neck as well.

[gkscotty]

Looks good Chris, easily the best anatomy you have done so far.

What I would suggest is tidying it up a bit after scanning it, especially if you're going to be doing any basic coloring like that. See if the program you're suing has an Auto-Adjust Colors function, for example, to make the lines stand out a bit more from the page. I run everything I scan though a similar process.

[c_nordlander]

Great idea, will do that from now on!

And thank you very much for your comment. Glad the anatomy is decent (I'm not even going to say "realistic").

[c_nordlander]

New part of "Earth Guys Are Sleazy". This story is shaping up.

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Where we left off, Cyrus was briefly tempted to abandon Fry for a childhood friend who had returned to the village, but stopped in time to prevent this fic from turning into cuckold porn.

Note: some mildly squicky content in this part. Nothing that should make you lose your lunch, just be warned. Also drama.

Acknowledgement: the lyrics Fry shamelessly rips off are of course from "Careless Whisper" by George Michael.

EDIT: Reuploaded with a grammar fix and minor wording change.

link to part 10

[c_nordlander]

More "Earth Guys Are Sleazy".

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Previously on "Earth Guys Are Sleazy": Fry and Cyrus finally got together aww. They had some happiness and some loss. Aurelian tried to challenge Cyrus to a duel a second time over his insulted honour, but ended up even more thoroughly humiliated. However, he snuck off to some creepy temple to make a deal that seems to spell bad things for Fry and Cyrus. But let's forget about those folks, time to find out what's happening back at Planet Express!

EDIT: Reuploaded with a couple of added lines to explain why Bender isn't around much in the Earth plotline.

[SirMustapha]

This is a song I started writing several weeks ago, but progress was halted for a number of reasons. It's another song for piano and voice, but this has a very different vibe, something accidentally Radiohead-esque. I thought of having this floating haze of piano chords in broken rhythms and my voice sorta roaming over, which matches the lyrics. Keep in mind, the MIDI rendition of this is very clunky, and there are still changes I want to make. I haven't tried playing this song too much yet, so the performance is likely to sound a little different.

So here's the instrumental MIDI rendition of the song: Fantasma

This is the translation of the words:

Phantom
Inhabitant of me
Knows every filthy corner of my life
Digs up the most embarrassing memories
Every rotten thing
For the pleasure of playing

Phantom
Lodger of me
Whispers in the ear of my soul
Each weakness of mine
Convinces me
That all laughter in the world
Is at me

Phantom
My biggest fan
My fear is its food
My shame is its drug

Phantoms don't die.

[c_nordlander]

I enjoyed your song, it's a very nice listen even in MIDI. The beat sometimes seems to be at war with the melody, if that makes sense? I realise that's probably intentional. Anyway, sounds very good.

I like your translated lyrics, too. The first two verses sound a bit cheesily angsty, but the ending is strong enough to be worth it.