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Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:50 pm
by c_nordlander
Really cool work by your band, Fernie! Feel free to tell them I enjoyed it.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 2:27 pm
by SirMustapha
Lest I forget, I won't be available this weekend to chat, as well as the associated activities (rewatch, creativity, etc.), as I'll be travelling with my family. I'll try to get some creative work done there to show later, but can't make promises.

I'll make sure to hop over here to check what you guys come up with, though!

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 2:32 pm
by c_nordlander
I know that pain. Just save up an hour for later. :)

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Jan 19, 2020 10:03 pm
by Meteorite
Fairly certain the last link goes to the same thing, so if you're catching up on stuff, you can probably skip this.

However, added a few more pages to my story, and gave it a title now!

What You Lack in Talent

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2020 9:03 pm
by c_nordlander
You know I enjoyed this part (also, good title). The Cutie Mark Crusaders making their chart is by far the funniest and cutest bit; feels like every 8-10-year-old child I've known.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 8:58 pm
by Stretch_Dude
So, some context: When Kingdom Hearts III came out, main villain Master Xehanort was voiced by Rutger Hauer. But since Hauer passed away before they made the recent DLC expansion, they hired a new actor to replace him. See if you can guess who. ;)

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 9:25 pm
by c_nordlander
"How about another joke Murrayyy?"
"Joker... for you."
"..."
"Joker, I can tell you're a very angry young man. And a very hurt young man. But sometimes, even if we've meant to do bad things, or even done some bad things already... perhaps we can turn back?"
"............. ohmigod Murr'y you're like the father I never had hahahaha and you can hahahahahaahaa call me Arthuhahahahahaa it's my real name haahaahaaaaaaa..."


EDIT: Reposted avec cleanup.

Fun fact: I drew this on the back of my referral to a psychiatrist. HOW'S THAT FOR CONCEPT ART

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 11:16 pm
by SirMustapha
So what I did today was translate a short story I wrote earlier this week, and which got published on a local newspaper. It's called Father's Pride.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:51 pm
by c_nordlander
@Stretch: nice picture. On-model, well done and funny.

@Fernie: heh, I didn't realise you'd already written (and published!) this story. That makes some of my comments in chat kind of nonsensical.
“Does he hit you?”
He sighed heavily. “Only sometimes.”
That stung.

Anyway, I like it a lot. The "young man visits a sex worker to lose his virginity" plot is a subject that could easily get melodramatic, but you've made the characters real and given them a lot of feeling and dignity. Especially the descriptions at the start are very good. It makes some good points/queries about double standards and what is personal inclination as opposed to repression. You pull off some interesting tricks here while making them work naturally, such as the fact that none of the major characters (including the father here, despite him being off-stage) being given names. I think this story would work well as a short play as well, due to the real-time and limited setting.
Spoiler
In terms of translation, the English is a lot better than in the last few English works you've posted on this forum. The only actual error I noticed was "my sisters must be respectful," where it refers to sexual morality; English would probably use "self-respecting" or "modest" instead. Other than that, it's correct and flows well.

Wishing you all the best for your continued writing career!

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 1:05 am
by SirMustapha
I'm really humbled by your review, Chris. You highlighted some of the points that for me were crucial to the story, especially of giving both characters dignity. For me, the whole story hinged on that.

The ending is one of the only things that were fixed right from the start, and every time I pondered whether I should change that, the answer was a big no. :)
c_nordlander wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:51 pm
The only actual error I noticed was "my sisters must be respectful," where it refers to sexual morality; English would probably use "self-respecting" or "modest" instead.
Yes, that's exactly the word I should've used! Thank you for that, and thanks for the other corrections you gave on chat. Always super useful and on point! :)

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 10:49 pm
by c_nordlander
SirMustapha wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 1:05 am
You highlighted some of the points that for me were crucial to the story, especially of giving both characters dignity. For me, the whole story hinged on that.
I agree that it's important, and you definitely succeeded.

And it was my pleasure reading!

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2020 9:05 pm
by c_nordlander
When you want to make some art for Superbowl, but you're European.

EDIT: Reposted mit cleanup.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2020 10:10 pm
by Meteorite
Updated story once more; will probably be it for part 1, though I still need to add a beginning.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2020 8:34 pm
by c_nordlander
It's good! The plot progresses nicely, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are in character, and you have some very funny jokes.

Re: Creativity Hour works thread

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:15 pm
by c_nordlander
Some smoochie art for early Valentine's Day. The Joker and Sophie re-enact the fundraiser scene from The Dark Knight.