OPINIONS: Wintering

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c_nordlander
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Re: OPINIONS: Wintering

Post by c_nordlander » Tue May 31, 2022 8:58 pm

Nice, I've been waiting for more!

"Naturally, one with to Skinner." Typo? It seems like it's missing a word.

"Homer even ate a fruit salad to please his mom." Get what you're saying, but the grammar makes it come off as Homer's mom, not Marge.

The last long paragraph on page 1 is good, but I think it would work even better with a paragraph break before Skinner starts talking.

Short chapter, but the story continues very good. The first scene is atmospheric, and there is a lot of quiet emotion in the writing, never becoming melodramatic. The chapter ending does a good job keeping me interested for more.

Everyone is still perfectly in character. Bart stands out.

Aside from the few technical nitpicks above, I don't see anything that needs improving.

Thank you for continuing to write this story; I'm hyped up to see how it ends.
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Re: OPINIONS: Wintering

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jun 06, 2022 12:21 am

Will fix up those typos! Thank you so much!
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Re: OPINIONS: Wintering

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 04, 2022 7:53 am

Getting more toward the end here...
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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