The Simpsons & Futurama Fanworks Central

*googles lacunae.* Huh, looks like that was one of my lacunae.

"He liked lying in his bunk on top of Marc's one and see thin needles of orange street light fall in through the blinds and listen to the secure purring of traffic outside the student village."

seeing, listening, less "and" more commas?

"told her to dress up warm in the tones of a doomsday prophet warning about nuclear war."

this is a great description of Orpheus

Good part, though like I said I don't really remember Raven (though the crutches ring a bell) so the Triana section fell a little flat. Good characterisation mind, the scenes with Outrider and Orpheus were good. Strange that her mom doesn't really figure into it but then she's never actually personally appeared in the show.

Second part is very solid, nothing in particular to say though. Very much feel for Dean.

Good stuff! I definitely enjoyed it.

First of all, I have to say I love your take on Triana as always, but her understandable weariness here was pretty gripping. I love every forever and always about Orpheus and Triana interacting, and the always-present underlying tension between them because he's lying his butt off about some things. I love this adult Tri, trying to figure out how to live in this collegiate world. And ugh, I love Triana so much, I love her determination and her utter fierceness, her development as a necromancer. The little talk with the Alchemist was a lot of fun, as well as your POV on how she interacts with her parents.

Your portrait of Raven is pretty empathetic - which is nice to see. I have a feeling him following Tri is going to be bad, bad news.

This is how good the story is - I feel super bad for Dean while also seeing how right Triana's POV is. Dean trying to and yet failing to find warmth in poetry was super sad.

Only flaw I saw:

Dad lowered his head in a nod. I arrived not an hour ago.

You're missing quotation marks.

I love how the simplest little thing, like The Outrider and Orpheus battling to make Triana's tea, makes a scene and paints a portrait.

And of course the threat is dire - I love the very inventive idea of dark twins from an otherwoldly dimension - it gives them a noble cause to rally behind.

Ugh Dean's impassioned puppydog loyalty almost hurts - and I feel worse for Triana, when she realizes what Raven's done.

The result is very dark, very powerful and heart-breaking in the best of ways. Raven's death absolutely made me feel bad for him.

Triana's mourning process felt very real, very raw, very, very accurate.

because of me,” she would say, and Dad would say “You couldn't have done anything.”

Missing a comma

The anchor of this story is totally and utterly Orpheus' love for Triana - I loved Hank and Dean's scene and wow, did that Alchemist and Triana scene end up being a gut punch in the best of ways. And then the eeriness of her otherworldly twin comes to her in that vision. And the beautiful bittersweetness of Dean and here, which is almost indescribable.

YESS Dean is a theater critic! The relationship is mended! They are friends, they are getting there and it's beautiful, them growing up and becomging who they ought to be.