The second part of my trade with Chris!
SUMMARY: Leela takes her mother to a spa day trip to the moon...and soon regrets her choice when they're taken hostage by space pirates!
REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
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- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 12836
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: Got a job to do and a husband to "make love to"
Re: REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)
Typo: "grandmamama" (unless that's Leela's baby-talk to Nibbler); the sentence beginning "It’s the first time she’s been alone" has a tense change; "disembark" should be "disembarked"; "relaxaction"; "firection" should be "direction" (and there's an extraneous "s" in that sentence); "haeing" should be "having"; "filled the air until mother and daughter were." seems to be missing a word; "Alpha Centauri" should be capitalised; "immediately y".
This is simply great. It's great having a fic with Munda in a big role, and focusing on hers and Leela's relationship. The plot is pretty simple, but well constructed and builds up to some nicely tense scenes. The comedy is where it stands out: this fic is loaded with jokes that are fully worthy of the show, especially Munda's lines in their conversation while The first couple of scenes at the spa are full of hilarious lines, too. Oh, and I love "I’m going to die the stupidest, most worthless death I can think of that doesn’t involve string cheese."
The bad guy isn't a very deep character, but pretty memorable. I like the little bit of backstory to explain how Leela recognises him. Both Leela and Munda are in character.
I really don't have many negative opinions about this story. Some bits (especially in the second-to-last scene) feel a bit succinct, but not enough so for it to be a flaw.
My rating: A
The dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalised.“Hello!” It said
"indeed" should be capitalised, since it's a new sentence.<I>Oh no!</i> Leela thought to herself, <I>I remember that face!</i> indeed,
This is simply great. It's great having a fic with Munda in a big role, and focusing on hers and Leela's relationship. The plot is pretty simple, but well constructed and builds up to some nicely tense scenes. The comedy is where it stands out: this fic is loaded with jokes that are fully worthy of the show, especially Munda's lines in their conversation while The first couple of scenes at the spa are full of hilarious lines, too. Oh, and I love "I’m going to die the stupidest, most worthless death I can think of that doesn’t involve string cheese."
The bad guy isn't a very deep character, but pretty memorable. I like the little bit of backstory to explain how Leela recognises him. Both Leela and Munda are in character.
I really don't have many negative opinions about this story. Some bits (especially in the second-to-last scene) feel a bit succinct, but not enough so for it to be a flaw.
My rating: A
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)
Ugh, I thought I caught all of the grammatical flaws - but i'm so pleased you liked this, Chris!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"