REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)

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missy_misery
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REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)

Post by missy_misery » Fri Dec 25, 2015 12:54 pm

The second part of my trade with Chris!

SUMMARY: Leela takes her mother to a spa day trip to the moon...and soon regrets her choice when they're taken hostage by space pirates!
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)

Post by c_nordlander » Fri Dec 25, 2015 9:12 pm

Typo: "grandmamama" (unless that's Leela's baby-talk to Nibbler); the sentence beginning "It’s the first time she’s been alone" has a tense change; "disembark" should be "disembarked"; "relaxaction"; "firection" should be "direction" (and there's an extraneous "s" in that sentence); "haeing" should be "having"; "filled the air until mother and daughter were." seems to be missing a word; "Alpha Centauri" should be capitalised; "immediately y".
“Hello!” It said
The dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalised.
<I>Oh no!</i> Leela thought to herself, <I>I remember that face!</i> indeed,
"indeed" should be capitalised, since it's a new sentence.

This is simply great. It's great having a fic with Munda in a big role, and focusing on hers and Leela's relationship. The plot is pretty simple, but well constructed and builds up to some nicely tense scenes. The comedy is where it stands out: this fic is loaded with jokes that are fully worthy of the show, especially Munda's lines in their conversation while
Spoiler
The first couple of scenes at the spa are full of hilarious lines, too. Oh, and I love "I’m going to die the stupidest, most worthless death I can think of that doesn’t involve string cheese."

The bad guy isn't a very deep character, but pretty memorable. I like the little bit of backstory to explain how Leela recognises him. Both Leela and Munda are in character.

I really don't have many negative opinions about this story. Some bits (especially in the second-to-last scene) feel a bit succinct, but not enough so for it to be a flaw.

My rating: A
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon


-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"

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missy_misery
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Re: REVIEW: A Day Out (And Down)

Post by missy_misery » Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:04 am

Ugh, I thought I caught all of the grammatical flaws - but i'm so pleased you liked this, Chris!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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