FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

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missy_misery
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:11 am

Next Part!
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by c_nordlander » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:33 pm

Typo: "which were crab's legs" shouldn't be capitalised. Great sentence otherwise.

Great writing in this scene. Krusty has some great lines; I like how you've managed to make him acerbic while still affectionate towards his daughter. The atmosphere is great.

Slight style nitpick: you have "blast" twice in two sentences; I think one of them could probably be changed to a synonym. That's a very minor nitpick, though, so you do as you feel.

Good ending to the scene.

So yeah, except for that tiny nitpick, this is really well-written. I'm particularly impressed with the scenery description and the atmosphere.
Are you really gonna take it like that?
Riding on the missile with a cowboy hat?

Oh, well the world is gonna end
So dance around the fire that we once believed in
Oh, wanna tear it down again, now
'Cause there's nothing left for us to bleed
Give it up, the sons of anarchy
So come around and have another round on me!

DANCE, F***ER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERF***ER BURN!


-- The Offspring, "Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Sun Feb 26, 2017 11:01 pm

Thank you so much! I'm shooting for the right balance between affection and in-character!

Will fix up typos and be back with more soon!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:08 am

Next one!
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by c_nordlander » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:09 pm

Typoes: "Jim Morrison and I moaned Nipsey Russell" should perhaps be "mooned"? (otherwise I can't really make sense of the grammar).

The opening of this part is absolutely hilarious.

"Sophie muttered in exasperation" feels a bit like telling instead of showing, but at the same time the "in exasperation" might be needed. Your call, really.

The rest of the dialogue is great as well, for both characters, and you've got Krusty's voice down pat. "Well, it's not my ocean" is a great line.

Not much to say about this; it's a really short section. But Krusty and Sophie are in character, you evoke a nice bit of emotion *and* comedy, and other than my one comment about "exasperation", I don't see anything negative here.
Are you really gonna take it like that?
Riding on the missile with a cowboy hat?

Oh, well the world is gonna end
So dance around the fire that we once believed in
Oh, wanna tear it down again, now
'Cause there's nothing left for us to bleed
Give it up, the sons of anarchy
So come around and have another round on me!

DANCE, F***ER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERF***ER BURN!


-- The Offspring, "Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:23 pm

Yep, it should be mooned!

I'll fix that before the final version goes out; thank you so much, Chris!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 02, 2018 1:55 am

And here's the final chapter!
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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c_nordlander
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:32 pm

Ooh, I've been looking forward to this! *reads* OK, we're off to a good start with that pie joke.

Typo? The sentence "This was her family's" seems to end in mid-sentence.

"watch Krusty cavort" should be "watched"

Typo: "mench" should be "mensch"

*LOL* e-stogie. Another good joke.

Overall, no complaints, other than the couple of typoes above.

~

To sum up? A very low-key story, without much heavy-duty drama, but that's not a bad thing. It's as well-written as all your stuff. Sophie is a character who's rarely seen in fanfiction, and Krusty's characterisation really shines here: his heart is on display for once, but it's still definitely Krusty. Some good nature descriptions in the earlier sections, as well.

I don't have anything negative to say about it. Apart from fixing up some typoes, I think this is pretty much as good as it can be.
Are you really gonna take it like that?
Riding on the missile with a cowboy hat?

Oh, well the world is gonna end
So dance around the fire that we once believed in
Oh, wanna tear it down again, now
'Cause there's nothing left for us to bleed
Give it up, the sons of anarchy
So come around and have another round on me!

DANCE, F***ER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERF***ER BURN!


-- The Offspring, "Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell"
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missy_misery
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Re: FIC [Wavingverse] The Dive From Krustofski's Pier

Post by missy_misery » Sun Jul 15, 2018 4:13 am

Thank you so much Chris! I'm glad you liked it!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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