OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Did you write something for the Simpsons, Futurama, original fiction or another fandom? Feel free to post it here!
Post Reply
User avatar
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11840
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Content Superspreader

OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by c_nordlander » Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:12 pm

Zapp is shocked into wangsty self-pity after his ship picks up a mystery message addressed to him. Kif gets the Planet Express crew to try to take him to a place where he can confront his fears. But to do this, they have to venture into the very heart of darkness...

... the Neutral Zone.

Script format. Pure comedy/action story.

Probably needs more polishing at... some point. It feels like the big climax gets really cluttered and at the same time drags a bit. Still, might be good for a laugh or two.

No objectionable content. A few risqué jokes, but not really worse than anything that's been on the show.
Attachments
alone again neutrally.doc
(159 KiB) Downloaded 209 times
alone again neutrally.odt
(41.91 KiB) Downloaded 239 times
Last edited by c_nordlander on Sat Apr 30, 2016 1:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The Literal Challenge:
Day 0: Re: Birthday || Day 8: Across the Dimensions
Day 1: The Contents of the Shoes || Day 9: The Rest of Me
Day 2: Room to Let || Day 10: The Maiden of the Shadows
Day 3: Flashbacks || Day 11: The Slavemakers: The Polyergus Rufescens Ants and Their Prisoners
Day 4: Crystallised Tsuki
Day 5: The Bloodstar
Day 6: Captain Dirk, Defender of the Galaxy
Day 7: The Kingdom of the Butterflies
User avatar
gkscotty
Chief Executive Officer
Chief Executive Officer
Posts: 5746
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 9:45 pm
Location: Scotland
Contact:

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by gkscotty » Mon Apr 25, 2016 11:48 pm

Reading...
Spoiler
That was fun. Bick and Della are pretty great OCs and you write good and funny Neutrals.
Image

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone’s fault. If it was Us, what did that make Me? After all, I’m one of Us. I must be. I’ve certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We’re always one of Us. It’s Them that do bad things. - Jingo, Terry Pratchett
User avatar
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11840
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Content Superspreader

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by c_nordlander » Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:16 am

Heh, I'm flattered that you liked it! Thanks for your quick response.

Yeah, "stock home syndrome" was supposed to be Fry being a moron. EDIT: Actually changed the line slightly now, joke remains.

The "Captain Emo" joke was actually used in internet series Avatar: The Last Puppet Bender, but I came up with it independently, so I figured I might as well use it. Especially since I had an actual captain to use it about.

I really enjoyed writing Zapp's monologue about the DOOP uniform, and Bick's dramatic button-pushing speech.
Spoiler
The Literal Challenge:
Day 0: Re: Birthday || Day 8: Across the Dimensions
Day 1: The Contents of the Shoes || Day 9: The Rest of Me
Day 2: Room to Let || Day 10: The Maiden of the Shadows
Day 3: Flashbacks || Day 11: The Slavemakers: The Polyergus Rufescens Ants and Their Prisoners
Day 4: Crystallised Tsuki
Day 5: The Bloodstar
Day 6: Captain Dirk, Defender of the Galaxy
Day 7: The Kingdom of the Butterflies
User avatar
missy_misery
Sector Control Officer
Sector Control Officer
Posts: 2296
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by missy_misery » Sun May 01, 2016 12:52 am

Owe you feedback on this one; will get back to you with it within the next couple of weeks (am getting swamped with New Job stuff!))
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
User avatar
missy_misery
Sector Control Officer
Sector Control Officer
Posts: 2296
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by missy_misery » Sun May 08, 2016 10:00 am

Back to Review!
Your Zapp, first of all, is so, so strong; he's hilarious and ridiculous and dumb and perfectly "him", complete with his total melodrama
Spoiler
. And Leela is perfectly Leela; the plot is very show-apropos and flows with great humor. There's a great combo of action/feeling/comedy, just like the show at its best.
Spoiler
Spoiler
Uniformly excellent stuff!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
User avatar
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11840
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Content Superspreader

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by c_nordlander » Sun May 08, 2016 2:01 pm

Awesome that you like it! I still feel like the plot needs more work, but I had a lot of fun coming up with all the jokes and set-pieces.

Designing Zapp's parents was fun. I decided that they'd be parodies of typical Golden Age science fiction heroes, since Zapp is a Kirk parody. (EDIT: And if Zapp ever manages to reproduce, will his offspring be a Picard parody?) Bick being an officer was a foregone conclusion, but I had a harder time deciding whether Della should be a helpless bimbo or a typical Brannigan with boobs. In the end, I decided to make her a DOOP army nurse: it seemed feminine yet action-heroic enough for the kind of genre I was aiming for.
Last edited by c_nordlander on Thu Apr 12, 2018 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Literal Challenge:
Day 0: Re: Birthday || Day 8: Across the Dimensions
Day 1: The Contents of the Shoes || Day 9: The Rest of Me
Day 2: Room to Let || Day 10: The Maiden of the Shadows
Day 3: Flashbacks || Day 11: The Slavemakers: The Polyergus Rufescens Ants and Their Prisoners
Day 4: Crystallised Tsuki
Day 5: The Bloodstar
Day 6: Captain Dirk, Defender of the Galaxy
Day 7: The Kingdom of the Butterflies
User avatar
missy_misery
Sector Control Officer
Sector Control Officer
Posts: 2296
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by missy_misery » Sun May 15, 2016 9:32 am

Hee, I've always imagined that his progeny would end up being a Janeway parody, just because of the sweet, sweet irony of life. Everyone felt lively here, three-dimensional.

I loved it as-is but I'd actually really like to see more of the Brannigan paterfamilias.
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
User avatar
SirMustapha
Junior Secretariat
Junior Secretariat
Posts: 4137
Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2001 8:20 pm
Location: South of South America
Contact:

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by SirMustapha » Mon Jun 06, 2016 3:31 pm

Sure took me long enough to read this. You probably know that I'm not quite intimate with Futurama, so I expected to be at quite a loss for much of it. That never happened, and I'm actually quite blown away by this. There's something quite ambitious and epic about the story, yet it never feels like it's pushing things too far. Everything is convincing, and the situations are believable and ludicrous enough to work. I can say it was a pretty exciting read.

I didn't have any particular problems with the climax; it didn't feel either cluttered or draggy for me, personally. I guess that's the limitation of the script format; since it leaves out all the "directorial" decisions, many details are filled in by each reader individually, and that can change things quite a lot from person to person. For me, I felt some of the dialogue felt a little bit too functional and unorganic (that is, for the non-neutrals; otherwise that would be an asset). Maybe that could be fixed just by the right timing and delivery, but I'm not sure. The jokes still work, though, and there are more than enough to keep things fresh all the way through.

As a final result, I enjoyed it greatly. If you get to polish it up sometimes, I'll be curious to see the difference. Either way, that's top notch work, Chris.
"This is the scientifical truth, which is much better. You shouldn't let poets lie to you."
-- Björk
User avatar
c_nordlander
Insane Underling
Insane Underling
Posts: 11840
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
Custom Title: Content Superspreader

Re: OPINIONS: Alone Again, Neutrally (Futurama)

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Jun 06, 2016 3:40 pm

Well, I'm flattered! Thanks a lot for the constructive criticism, and I'm glad you liked it.

It's a really lightweight story, but I had a lot of fun writing this. I actually have another Futurama script on the back-burner (I'm stuck on one part of the plot I need to iron out) which I was planning to finish first, but I kept coming up with jokes for this one until I felt it needed to be written.
The Literal Challenge:
Day 0: Re: Birthday || Day 8: Across the Dimensions
Day 1: The Contents of the Shoes || Day 9: The Rest of Me
Day 2: Room to Let || Day 10: The Maiden of the Shadows
Day 3: Flashbacks || Day 11: The Slavemakers: The Polyergus Rufescens Ants and Their Prisoners
Day 4: Crystallised Tsuki
Day 5: The Bloodstar
Day 6: Captain Dirk, Defender of the Galaxy
Day 7: The Kingdom of the Butterflies
Post Reply