OPINIONS: Adulthood

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missy_misery
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OPINIONS: Adulthood

Post by missy_misery » Wed Dec 21, 2016 7:28 am

Written for Chris' birthday and our usual yearly holiday exchange!

SUMMARY: Triana wants to attend a special magic school in Australia, but Tatiana refuses to let her go. That is, until her professor is kidnapped during a class and only Triana cn rescue him.
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood

Post by c_nordlander » Sat Dec 24, 2016 5:48 pm

First of all, thank you very, very much for writing this. More Venture Brothers fanfic is always appreciated; stuff about Triana and her career in magic is even better.

Found a couple of typoes: "persue" should be "pursue"; you've spelled Triana's mom's name "Titania" a couple of times; the sentence "And I’ll be able to take care of myself – no chaperones, nobody looking over my" breaks off in mid-sentence; "ap" should be "app"; "he poor professor"; "slight of hand" should be "sleight".

I always felt we needed to see more of Triana's life as a sorcery acolyte, and this story fills that gap. My only problem is that the writing in the first couple of pages feels a bit bland, but once we get to the kidnapping, it picks up immensely. The action scenes are short, but give the right amount of detail and don't feel rushed. The ending is appropriate to the story and very sweet.

Great writing, aside from my minor nitpick about the opening feeling a bit colourless. Triana is great: we see a more careful side to her that isn't usually pronounced on the show, but it makes perfect sense for it to be there. Her brashness and willingness to use modern technology are also in character. The other characters are perfectly in character. The villains have a good concept and name. They seem to fit in well with the show.

It's pretty short, but when that's someone's biggest complaint, you know you're doing something right. Thank you again for writing it, and highly recommended to all the other Venture Brothers fans.
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missy_misery
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Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood

Post by missy_misery » Sun Feb 26, 2017 11:46 pm

I'm so glad you liked it, Chris! I was thinking of expanding it into a mini-series!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:45 am

missy_misery wrote:I'm so glad you liked it, Chris! I was thinking of expanding it into a mini-series!
That sounds like an excellent idea! If you do, I look forward to reading it.
The Literal Challenge:
Day 0: Re: Birthday || Day 8: Across the Dimensions
Day 1: The Contents of the Shoes || Day 9: The Rest of Me
Day 2: Room to Let || Day 10: The Maiden of the Shadows
Day 3: Flashbacks || Day 11: The Slavemakers: The Polyergus Rufescens Ants and Their Prisoners
Day 4: Crystallised Tsuki
Day 5: The Bloodstar
Day 6: Captain Dirk, Defender of the Galaxy
Day 7: The Kingdom of the Butterflies
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missy_misery
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Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood

Post by missy_misery » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:12 am

I definitely will!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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