OPINIONS: Adulthood
- missy_misery
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OPINIONS: Adulthood
Written for Chris' birthday and our usual yearly holiday exchange!
SUMMARY: Triana wants to attend a special magic school in Australia, but Tatiana refuses to let her go. That is, until her professor is kidnapped during a class and only Triana cn rescue him.
SUMMARY: Triana wants to attend a special magic school in Australia, but Tatiana refuses to let her go. That is, until her professor is kidnapped during a class and only Triana cn rescue him.
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
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Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood
First of all, thank you very, very much for writing this. More Venture Brothers fanfic is always appreciated; stuff about Triana and her career in magic is even better.
Found a couple of typoes: "persue" should be "pursue"; you've spelled Triana's mom's name "Titania" a couple of times; the sentence "And I’ll be able to take care of myself – no chaperones, nobody looking over my" breaks off in mid-sentence; "ap" should be "app"; "he poor professor"; "slight of hand" should be "sleight".
I always felt we needed to see more of Triana's life as a sorcery acolyte, and this story fills that gap. My only problem is that the writing in the first couple of pages feels a bit bland, but once we get to the kidnapping, it picks up immensely. The action scenes are short, but give the right amount of detail and don't feel rushed. The ending is appropriate to the story and very sweet.
Great writing, aside from my minor nitpick about the opening feeling a bit colourless. Triana is great: we see a more careful side to her that isn't usually pronounced on the show, but it makes perfect sense for it to be there. Her brashness and willingness to use modern technology are also in character. The other characters are perfectly in character. The villains have a good concept and name. They seem to fit in well with the show.
It's pretty short, but when that's someone's biggest complaint, you know you're doing something right. Thank you again for writing it, and highly recommended to all the other Venture Brothers fans.
Found a couple of typoes: "persue" should be "pursue"; you've spelled Triana's mom's name "Titania" a couple of times; the sentence "And I’ll be able to take care of myself – no chaperones, nobody looking over my" breaks off in mid-sentence; "ap" should be "app"; "he poor professor"; "slight of hand" should be "sleight".
I always felt we needed to see more of Triana's life as a sorcery acolyte, and this story fills that gap. My only problem is that the writing in the first couple of pages feels a bit bland, but once we get to the kidnapping, it picks up immensely. The action scenes are short, but give the right amount of detail and don't feel rushed. The ending is appropriate to the story and very sweet.
Great writing, aside from my minor nitpick about the opening feeling a bit colourless. Triana is great: we see a more careful side to her that isn't usually pronounced on the show, but it makes perfect sense for it to be there. Her brashness and willingness to use modern technology are also in character. The other characters are perfectly in character. The villains have a good concept and name. They seem to fit in well with the show.
It's pretty short, but when that's someone's biggest complaint, you know you're doing something right. Thank you again for writing it, and highly recommended to all the other Venture Brothers fans.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood
I'm so glad you liked it, Chris! I was thinking of expanding it into a mini-series!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 12836
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: Got a job to do and a husband to "make love to"
Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood
That sounds like an excellent idea! If you do, I look forward to reading it.missy_misery wrote:I'm so glad you liked it, Chris! I was thinking of expanding it into a mini-series!
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- missy_misery
- Sector Control Officer
- Posts: 2461
- Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:04 am
Re: OPINIONS: Adulthood
I definitely will!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy. Missy's good.)
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"