REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

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missy_misery
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REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 03, 2017 5:25 am

i wrote this for Yuletide wayy back in December, and I thought I might as well share it here!

SUMMARY: Lisa's college roommate is a surprisingly familiar face, and over the course of a year they both slowly begin to wonder if there's something more lying between them than just old memories.

(Lisa/Juliet Hobbes pairing, rating: G)
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Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Re: REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by SirMustapha » Mon Jul 03, 2017 5:21 pm

That was a very nice and sweet read, Missy. Very heartfelt and enjoyable, with great dialogue.
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Re: REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by c_nordlander » Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:10 pm

Typo: "hangars" should presumably be "hangers".

Also, not a typo, but a bit of a continuity error: first it says that Homer lies sprawled on the bed, but then it says "he'd fallen asleep sitting up".

I never actually saw Juliet's episode, but I know the gist of it, and nothing in the story seemed confusing to me. I can definitely see why Lisa likes Juliet, and vice versa. It is very sweet: friendship, slice of life, with a hint of romance that doesn't feel forced. Marge's and Homer's appearance at the start is great: funny and in character. I always enjoy college stories because I'm a bitter woman in a midlife crisis, and this is a perfect example of the kind of stuff I like to read. Seeing Marge making money as an artist is excellent, too. Juliet being a writer makes sense. The bit with the college mascot at the end was funny, and an original predicament. I like how you partitioned the story by seasons.

The writing is good, with some standout lines: I really liked "Lisa was not surprised that someone who lived so thoroughly in her own mind traveled so lightly." I know I've had some nitpicks about the way you've written dialogue in the past, but that's not the case any more. You use unobtrusive dialogue tags, or none at all if they're not needed, and it all flows great.

I don't really have any nitpicks. Some of the writing felt, not bad, but a bit unpolished, though that was mostly in the first couple of pages. Also, the climax with
Spoiler
felt like I'd seen it in a lot of slash, though it's not unrealistic (and I guess that's something that happens not infrequently in real life as well). Fortunately, like I mentioned before, the story takes a more original turn right after that, and the ending is nice.

My rating: A-
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Re: REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by missy_misery » Sun Jul 09, 2017 9:03 am

Thank you so much, Chris!

I was following a bit of a prompt, so a wee bit of the cliche-ness is on purpose!

And I've made a conscious effort to shift my dialogue tag usage; I'm so glad you noticed!

I'll try to polish it up a bit more down the line.
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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by missy_misery » Sun Jul 09, 2017 9:05 am

Thank you so much, Chris!

I was following a bit of a prompt, so a wee bit of the cliche-ness is on purpose!

And I've made a conscious effort to shift my dialogue tag usage; I'm so glad you noticed!

I'll try to polish it up a bit more down the line.
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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Re: REVIEWS: You Are Loved (1/1) (G)

Post by missy_misery » Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:04 am

And thank you so much, Fernie!!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

Creator of the Waving Universe

Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
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