OPINIONS - A Summer's Tale (more chapters)

[SirMustapha]

Hey! More chapters. For now, it's chapters 6 and 7 that come up. In the chapter 7, things start getting really scary. I hope I can come up with the rest as soon as possible. Chapter 10 still needs a little work, but I think 8 and 9 will be ready soon.

So, here's the 6th...

[SirMustapha]

...and here's the 7th. Enjoy (if you can).

[aoifestorm]

Chapters 6 and 7 were good, Fernando.  This adventure story keeps getting more exciting!  
Somehow I don't think that the kids have defeated the ants forever, but I guess we'll have to read the folloing chapters to find out.
I liked the big brawl scene in Chapter 6 after Danny fell into the trap, especially Lisa getting kicked in the head by Jeremy. It just showed how the kids could lose it and turn on themselves when they were under a lot of pressure.
The scene where Michael goes into Carol's mind was interesting as well.
I like the big space adventure in Chapter 7.  I want to know more about the aliens, but I'm sure more will be revealed in the next few chapters.  I felt really bad for Diana and Debbie when they were being tortured.  I am very curious to know what happened to Danny as well.
I can't wait to see the next few chapters, Fernando.  I hope you post them soon.

[IDPStan]

Comments about A Summers Tale.

I'm not going to say much about part 6 as I read it through again and not much seems to have changed since I commented on it before, maybe the wording is a bit different but the plot is the same so I'll concentrate on part 7 for now.

"JEREMY: (good-humored) Heh... From now on, for me, the only installation I want to see is "The Sims" game installation...
MICHAEL: (smiling) You may bet..."

Heh that's almost as good as that "You have successfully installed cancer" thingy.

"MILHOUSE: You mean... travel to another planet...?
MICHAEL: (worried sigh) I guess so...
MILHOUSE: (thinks) I don't know if I should be amazed or scared!"

Hmm...I wonder if anyone here can fly a spaceship.

"He opens the door and the group enters. It's a hangar, full with ships.

LISA: (impressed) Look at those ships!"

W00t w00t! Take of every zig! For great justice!

"JEREMY: Hey! Why the indecision? We're supposed to rescue a friend of ours! We aren't after a treasure or something. (the group looks at him) Would you abandon your friend for that? Did you already thought about this?... Carol's there, and maybe Danny. And, if you don't get on that ship, they'll probably die, if they aren't already dead. So... If you wanna go home, go home, and forget about out friends. But... If I need to go alone to get them... I go alone."

Eh fine with me hero boy.*goes home*

"The group looks at each other in a dramatic pause. Suddenly, we hear a strong bang and Lisa screaming briefly, and a following thud. The camera turns to her, that's thrown on the floor, and the door of the ship is opened."

Wow persistence finally paid off. You'd think those things would be locked though maybe even alarmed.

"MICHAEL: (thinks) I guess... I know how this thing works. Let me see... this should turn the thing on..."

Well that's just as well the manual's in xenomorph language.

"MICHAEL: I... I don't know how, but... I seem to know exactly how this thing works! I swear I don't know how, but I do!"

Wow just like Lev from Privateer 2...maybe he's an amnesiac spaceman like him. Then again maybe not.

"MICHAEL: This is a translator. Now, I can speak the aliens' language and understand them."

W00t, just like Star Trek. Now you can insult them in their own language.

"MICHAEL: Gee... He's asking for a password..."

Eh it's probably password.

"GUARD: (in megaphone) You are surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

The group comes out slowly, with their hands up.

MICHAEL: Damn..."

Way to go get captured. So much for the element of surprise.

"DIANA: What's this?
BRYLOR: For your information, this is a torture room."

Yay! Torture! I knew they'd get to this sooner or later. BTW is it me or is this getting like Half Life after you go to Xen?

"BRYLOR: We have our interests, just like you. However, our interests are constructive."

Yeah yeah just like the Dominion or the ISC, bunch of Nazi's...

"Brylor groans, upset, and stands up. He leaves the room and closes the door, leaving Diana on the dark. She cries, in despair."

Yay! We finally get what we wanted Diana being tortured!

"MICHAEL: (to Carol) They must have a reason to have tortured Diana..."

Well officially it's for information but off the record it's for fun.

"DIANA: (good-humored) And I left my teddy bear at home... (chuckles) At least... I have you, Jeremy.
JEREMY: (chuckles) You may bet! (kisses her)"

Ewwww dude! Get a room! Oh wait...

"LISA: Is it fair?... I mean, we made such an incredible journey, saved the Earth... to finish... here?"

Life isn't fair neither is the plot of this fic so it's more realistic! [Yeah right alien ants and space travel.]

"DIANA: I just think we should be a bit more positive, more... more optimistic."

Why? Your completely screwed. Only a major plot twist can get you out of there now.

"Everybody is sitting. Michael looks around, bored. He looks at Lisa, who looks mindlessly at a fixed point. He looks at Bart, who lies on the floor, looking up. He looks at Diana, who's drumming his fingers over his knees on a bored rhythm. He stands around for some seconds, looking around. He sees Jeremy is sitting right next to him, doing nothing as well."

Drumming *her* fingers surely.

"MICHAEL: (low voice to him) I'm feeling aroused! (they chuckle)"

Ewwww dude! This is not the time!

This was alright I guess, I liked some of it like the bit with Lisa and the door, the Sims installation joke, the thing about Mike knowing how to fly the ship and the universal translator. It's a shame about them being captured, the torture was brutal and the aliens seem to be archetypal space Nazi's like certain peoples from sci fi shows. I didn't like the bit about Diana and Jeremy kissing much and Mike talking about being 'aroused' was baddddd, I mean dude your gonna die! Focus! It all so seems to be getting a lot weirder now, kinda like Half Life after you go to Xen. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, it will be 'interesting' to see what parts 8, 9 and 10 are like to say the least.

[c_nordlander]

Oooh, torture! [reads up on all the chapters she missed]

[c_nordlander]

OK, now I've finally done my duty and read *all* of "A Summer's Tale", up to and including Chapter 7. It's true, this is where it gets seriously scary. Though most everything from Chapter 3 on was scary as well.

This should be a pretty comprehensive review, because this is the longest fanscript mini-series I've read in a while, and it's certainly weird and good. The underground installation, the ants, the goo, the spaceship... I wish I had this kind of imagination. It's confusing, but I don't doubt all plotlines will tie together somewhere. Danny's disappearance and the computer-gaminess of the ant HQ provided loads of suspense, and of course you ended on a cliffhanger.  :)

Everyone's personality is being quite fleshed out by their reactions to the challenges. (The way they all turned on themselves was quite well done and felt psychologically accurate.) Carol is especially interesting. It's cool with a psychic who can read the thoughts of computers! And the virus... and Michael entering her mind... I'm getting a bit jealous here. I've been toying with ideas like this, but now you've done them better.

As for Chapter 7... torture! That bit had me shuddering. Stupid Brylor. Always nice to see aliens who berate humans for ruining the environment, then proceed to torture them for fun. It seemed like Diana recovered a bit quickly, though... maybe she was in a state of denial. All over, I agree with Stan about the final scenes, everyone seemed to be acting way too witty and light-hearted for condemned prisoners. Of course, the pressure would drive anyone mad, but still... and as for Debbie, I can probably picture what Brylor did to her, given his little quirks, but I really rather not.  :uhdrop:

It's hard to give any constructive criticism (apart from putting a bit more angst into the final prison scene). This is a work of originality, and I have absolutely no idea where it's heading. All I can say is, this is like rediscovering science fiction all over, and Brylor mings is disturbing.

[SirMustapha]

"Here comes the Stan , here comes the Stan, and I say: He's evil...Stan, Stan, Stan, here he comes.."

Whoa! Thanks for your review, Chris. I guess A Summer's Tale depicts my weird imagination.

The truth is that I guess I rushed myself too much to finish chapter 7, and I really didn't take a time to stop and analyse it closely. The result is the disaster you just read. Still, thanks for making me realize this. On the next rewrite, you'll experience severe changes! MWAHAHAHAHA! :uhdrop:

If everything runs fine, chapter 8 might be up Sunday. I don't promise, though. To clear it out, chapter 8 is the most rocking ever! HA!

BRYLOR: Did you ever feel your mind bending?

[Marco]

I readed the first three parts or now, so i'll wait before a complete opinion.  Well done anyway.

[IDPStan]

The truth is that I guess I rushed myself too much to finish chapter 7, and I really didn't take a time to stop and analyse it closely. The result is the disaster you just read.

It's not *that* bad it's just a few things like the way people are acting even though they know their condemned. I know I wouldn't be acting like that, hell I'd probably be planning how to jump the guard. As for the weirdness I guess you gotta get the aliens in there somewhere, after all the ants sure aren't the masterminds of the whole thing. Just a few tweeks and It’d be fine.

[SirMustapha]

And now, for public delight of the SFWC, Fernie (finally) presents the all-mighty Chapter 8!!!

*cheers*

Hope it clears some of the doubts raised on Chapter 7... :uhdrop:

[aoifestorm]

Chapter 8 was great, Fernando!  I really enjoyed Lisa and Malcolm's scenes in his soul-box. Carol coming out to Michael was interesting, as was Wilf revealing that he was Carol's father.  I think you did a very good job dealing with the kids' psychological trauma they endured at the hands of the aliens. The revolt of Wilf and the children was good as well, especially Wilf's last encounter with Baylor. I thought that part was especially interesting, because it gave some insight into the culture of the aliens, and ways they deal with revenge, etc.
I can't wait to read Chapter 9.

[IDPStan]

Comments about A Summers Tale part 8.(Part 1)

"LISA: When will we get out of this place?"

How about never? Ok I'm being my normal optimistic self. Heh heh.

"MICHAEL: It's been 2 or 3 days we're here, and... didn't you miss anything?"

Yeah, TV.

"MILHOUSE: Wouldn't it be much more painful to, actually, make us feel *hungrier*? I mean, these aliens love torture!..."

Yeah they must be the Nordlandons or something.*waits for Chris to hit him*

"BART: (bangs his hand on the door) (screaming) Bastard! Come back!"

Don't worry when she start moralising they'll let her go because it's making their heads hurt.

"MICHAEL: (worried) What's wrong with her?"

That's what I'm thinking, there's no William Shatner or cheesy pop music being played so that can't be it.

"WILF: Oh, no?... Pfah!... You, aliens, are so pathetic... You do everything that might be bad to your peers, and when they do the same to you, you're suddenly a defenceless victim. What is that? Am I acting wrong by doing to you what you did to someone else? You call it "justice," don't you?"

Yeah and you complain about us ruining the environment then indulge in torture that almost no country in the world would do, what is this "Two wrongs make a right" day?

"LISA: (turns back) (excited) It's really you!"

Nah it's a cheesy dream sequence, dudes dead remember?

"BRYLOR: (in alien language, with subtitles) "May I know what's Mr. Wilf doing at the middle of the night?""

He's obviously going to get some R Whites lemonade or the alien b*8tard equivalent.[Note: Cheesy TV ad ref, you may not get it]

"BRYLOR: (chuckling) "I see that you're learning, my boy!" (sarcastically) "Go on like that, there's a lot of tricks you have to learn if you want to be like me!" (chuckles)"

Brylor nobody wants to be like you trust me. This guys really making an excellent villain.

"LISA: I can't believe this is happening. It's... amazing. First, I couldn't even see you... Now, I'm lying on your lap! It's fantastic! So good..."

Yeah shame your still going to be executed unless whitless Wilf gets his a*8e in gear.

"LISA: Eh, the element of surprise?"

And what could be more surprising than yet another appearance by Malcom's ghost?!

"JEREMY: (suddenly angered) (to Bart) You! You son of a b**ch, it was you!"

The hell? WTF is he on about?

"CAROL: This is getting way *too* serious..."

Actually it past that in the last part now it's Deep deep crud.

"WILF: Pay attention... (sits down) Around two centuries ago, our planet was divided in kingdoms... just like your planet. But, the emperor of one kingdom was a bit mad, and he made an unbelievable plan to conquer all the kingdoms. His plan slowly succeeded, until the whole world was under his control. The people were revolted for that, but the emperor's oppression over the people stopped the riot."

I knew it! They're a fascist dictatorship! That certainly explains a lot.

"WILF: It's simple: I help you, and you help me. I save your world, and you save mine."

Except that his won't be saved because they need breathing room and they need to 'colonise' earth before the resources run out. Great plan Whitless Wilf.

"WILF: (shouting) "Wait a minute! You can't do that! You don't have a permit!" (gives up)

Wilf bangs his hand at the desk.

WILF: (enraged) "@#%$!""

Ah the joys of idiot co workers, some things never change.

"BART: (annoyed) You and your feelings!... Lisa's not fine..."

Heh heh heh, you have no idea...locked in a room with Bryilcream...

"JEREMY: (enraged) (to Bart) You! I'm gonna get ya!"

LOL Why does Jeremy keep doing that?

"MICHAEL: (even more surprised) Oh... Oh, s**t! I did that in front of you? It must have been a terrible sight. Sorry, Carol... (starts cleaning himself) And, why are you still here?"

LOL Caught...well if he's doing what I think he's doing...oh boy...I don't know weather to laugh or cry.

[IDPStan]

Comments about A Summers Tale part 8.(Part 2)

"LISA: (in panic) Nooo! Leave me alone, please! Leave me alone!
BART: (runs next to her) Lisa! What is this?"

Ah the joys of mental torture.

"MICHAEL: (kneels in front of her) Did I do something wrong, Carol?"

Dude! YOU HAVE TO ASK?

"CAROL: No!... I was born this way. I made no choice to be or not to be homosexual. It's... genetic, I think..."

OMS Just don't tell Brylor whatever you do...

"CAROL: (muttering, pleasantly) Diana...!"

LOL I'd love to see the expression on Mike's face at this point...

"CAROL: You don't have to be sorry, Mike... I, actually... wish we had kissed..."

Uh? What the? I mean...urk...

"JEREMY: I'll kill you!!"

Heh that's the third time and I still don't get why he's doing it.

"Jeremy stuggles to charge over Carol. Michael, Milhouse and Bart try to hold him back. Jeremy is breathing heavily, and his face is almost demoniac. Carol approaches him and looks firmly into his eyes, concentrating strongly. Jeremy breathes heavier and groans in fury. Carol still looks firmly into his eyes, making huge force. Jeremy, then, starts to moan in pain, and something yellow starts come out from his eyes, moving like a worm. It comes very slowly, and Jeremy stirs and screams in pain. Carol looks very firmly into Jeremy's eyes, while the yellow thing moves slowly. Then, it enters Carol's eyes really quickly, and she screams in pain as it happens. When the yellow thing enters completely into her eyes, she flies back right into the wall. Jeremy collapses in pain. The others go to help her."

Oooo brainworms, how Star Trek.

"CAROL: (surprised) So, you're my father!"

Yay! Another convoluted plot twist.

"LISA: No, Bart, it *really* wasn't him! It was the other one."

Yes it was El Diablo Bryilcream.

"We see two guards watching the hall, guarding a hallway to another corridor. Wilf appears quietly in a hallway, at the right of the guards. Wilf looks closely at them. One guard suddenly pulls a gun and shoots the other guard's head and his own head. Both fall dead on the floor."

Oooo how Oddworld...

"LISA: This is terrible! Do they really need to die like that? Can't they just be neutralized?"

Ah kill the alien b*8stards it's more fun that way.

"Brylor's sarcastic smile becomes a scared face. Wilf hurtles into Brylor's belly. He cries in pain. "

Ok our 'hero' is a cannibalistic nutter mmmmmkaaay?

"Carol concentrates, and slowly, the yellow thing comes out from her eyes, as her head shakes slightly. The thing aims at the emperor and charges at him at high speed. The emperor screams in pain and flies into the wall, dead. An alarm goes off. A voice speaks something in an alien language."

Sings: Bang bang the despots dead...

"BART: (after some time) Go home!"

There's nothing to see, nothing to see....OMG a alien space ship! Everyone crowd around, come on don't be shy!

Well what can I say? It's got more torture, getting…caught, space lesbians, more ghost Malcolm, brainworms, Wilf killing the guards Al la  Oddworld and big explosions. I mean I knew it was gonna get weird but I never thought it would be like this, hmm maybe an Ali G cameo? [JK]

Actually I rather liked it, some of the parts had me LOL as you can see from my comments. Some of the dialogue was great and I'm glad Brylor got what he deserved. It was nice to see Lisa letting go of Malcolm and the scene with Michael and Carol was well done even if it did have me LOL at what he was doing. The only nagging thing is why Jeremy kept attacking Bart, I just can't work it out. Overall I reckon this has gotta be the best part yet, I hope 9&10 live up to this. [No pressure or anything]

[c_nordlander]

[hits Stan]

Oh yeah, I'll read it once I've got the time. It looks very interesting.

[IDPStan]

*dodge* Ha ha! Er...time for a sharp exit.*runs off* :naughty:

No seriously you can see why I drew that parallel.