- Trainee Technician
- Posts: 103
- Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 4:13 pm
- Location: Lost in space
Creator of the Waving Universe
Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a spaceship. The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 11974
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: Heuristic Allied Mastercomputer
Nice, compelling opening, though for some reason the style feels a bit dry and analytical, given the situation. Might just be me. Fry's thoughts are fairly awesome.
I think "tightly" isn't needed.grasping the young man’s chin tightly with his clammy fingers
I like the torture joke.
Little to say due to its length, but a good opening, with many neat lines. Please keep writing.
Bring them all back down to their knees!
There's no time to waste, remind the slaves
They ain't gonna make it out alive today.
I said: Hey, you! Poison the well!
Watch it all burn, take them straight to hell!
He's got the whole world in his hands
It was nice to know ya
We've all been damned!
-- Poor Man's Poison, "Feed the Machine"