Review: "Be It Ever So Neutral"

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Gulliver63
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Review: "Be It Ever So Neutral"

Post by Gulliver63 » Sat Mar 09, 2013 2:45 am

I'm finally getting to share my Neutral story...this was one of the things I lost when my pesky flash drive went belly up last year. This was actually a finished story last March. It's fairly canon with the show, and I wanted to explore a bit more into the Neutrals to see what they were all about. I always seem to short-sheet Bender, so he gets to clown around quite a bit in this one. I've got general goofiness all around in this one.
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Re: Review: "Be It Ever So Neutral"

Post by c_nordlander » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:00 pm

Typo: Leela's speech beginning "I move for a mistrial on these grounds" is missing quote marks at the start.

First of all, the way you write Neutral society is nothing short of perfect. It's any bit as hilarious as on the show. There are many hilarious lines, but I particularly like the reporter's comment on the trial. The main cast get some funny lines as well.

I know I tend to criticise your fics for being very dialogue-heavy on the expense of description, but I didn't notice any such problem with this one. The descriptions don't really stand out, but they serve their purpose. (It's not like Neutral society needs any poetic descriptions, anyway.)

Also, the planet being called "Udeteron" delighted me. It's nice when I get some use for my Greek skills. :)

Everyone is in character. You certainly don't have any trouble writing Bender. I love Leela's line about the ship in the last scene.

The plot is pretty simple, but fulfilling and not weak in any way. I could picture this storyline on the show. (As you'll see below, I have some quibbles with the set-up, but that's just my personal taste, not anything about the quality.) It is nice to see Leela saving the day using her brains. I always like stories where Fry gets to play the holophoner. Nice to see Amy doing some piloting, as well. I like Neffan showing up in new clothes, and the very ending.

There aren't many downsides. While, like I said, you write Neutral society really well, I think we have ultimately different conceptions on what Neutrals are really like: I tend to assume that they're just naturally neutral on everything, and that they're happy that way (well, insofar as they're "happy" about anything). But both yours and my conception of their society are equally valid, since they haven't featured on the show that much, so that's my opinion, not an objective flaw of your story.

Other than that, this is a very minor quibble, but you use colourful "say"-verbs like "spat" or "groaned" a bit too heavily. Some of the funny lines would be funnier with just "said".

Also, I felt it was a bit overdramatic of Amy to claim that they'd
Spoiler
Funny, though.

A short, not very complex story, but with hilarious jokes (especially from the Neutrals). A-
Last edited by c_nordlander on Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:55 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Review: "Be It Ever So Neutral"

Post by Gulliver63 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:40 pm

Thanks! I'm so glad that I finally got this one out. I have been dying to share a little history about this story. Written a year ago, I finished it last March in Cincinnati around my birthday on the 18th. The MallStar bit with Bender and the Amazonian peppers was originally part of this story - the PE crew had to stop off at the MallStar to pick up paint for the Neutrals. After my flashdrive died, I decided to separate the two stories. I lost the Neutral story, but I still had the original treatment on my computer. Also, I'm glad you liked Leela's comment on the ship, as it was inspired by the UAZ 469 (sort of Russia's jeep or land rover). It is said that the UAZ will take you anywhere in the world before it finally breaks down.

I'm so glad that the premise of that Catch 22 sounded reasonable to you; I've been a security officer for nearly 20 years, and we've had to study smatterings of law here and there at times. I've even had to study Canadian law for a certification. My late father, who was a legal aid attorney in New York in the 1950's, would have been very interested to hear this strange legal tale.

I'm also glad you liked Udeteron - the computer and the internet are amazing things.

Thanks again:)
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