The Natural History of the Internet Troll
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 12824
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: We have space marines at home
- Location: not a place of honour
The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Troll (n.): an Internet poster who feigns immense stupidity/emotionality/mental problems in order to anger fellow posters.
Now, I've decided to make a list of some of the more interesting subspecies:
One-Trick Troll (Trollus monomanus)
No matter what the subject, this troll will inevitably twist it towards its own favourite topic, normally in such an abrupt fashion that nobody else can see a link.
Hitler Troll (Trollus Nazigermanicus)
Recognisable by its distinct "YOUR JSUT LIEK HITLER!" call, this specimen has been declared extinct, but still propagates by mutation.
Politics Troll (Trollus politicus)
Cropping up in every political discussion, this troll has no concept of a middle road. Recognisable by its inability to adhere to any opinion either right of Pol Pot or left of Mussolini.
Fundamentalist Troll (Trollus fanaticus)
This troll is often found lurking on movie discussion boards. It will mention Satan a lot, and is usually the owner of a numerous offspring, many of which have attempted to fly/developed homosexual tendencies due to immoral entertainment. A more flamboyant relative of the Politics Troll.
Intellectual Troll (Trollus paradoxus)
Distinguished by its better-than-average spelling, and occasionally camouflaging as a sane person, this troll will use considerable resources of education and natural ability to e. g. squick fellow posters by finding incestuous themes in a children's cartoon. Quite dangerous, due to its ability of mimicry.
Unintelligible Troll (Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus)
This troll, more than any other species, is remarkable by its immensely messed-up spelling and syntax, to the point of incomprehensability. May sometimes be a case of False Troll.
Strawman's Troll (Trollus schizophrenus)
A scourge of message boards, this troll is spawned solely to act as an adversary to a "normal" poster, in order to make them look good. Swift action may be in order to stop the flame war of which this species lives.
False Troll (Pseudotrollus)
While usually considered a troll, this is in fact a distinct species. See IDIOT.
Now, I've decided to make a list of some of the more interesting subspecies:
One-Trick Troll (Trollus monomanus)
No matter what the subject, this troll will inevitably twist it towards its own favourite topic, normally in such an abrupt fashion that nobody else can see a link.
Hitler Troll (Trollus Nazigermanicus)
Recognisable by its distinct "YOUR JSUT LIEK HITLER!" call, this specimen has been declared extinct, but still propagates by mutation.
Politics Troll (Trollus politicus)
Cropping up in every political discussion, this troll has no concept of a middle road. Recognisable by its inability to adhere to any opinion either right of Pol Pot or left of Mussolini.
Fundamentalist Troll (Trollus fanaticus)
This troll is often found lurking on movie discussion boards. It will mention Satan a lot, and is usually the owner of a numerous offspring, many of which have attempted to fly/developed homosexual tendencies due to immoral entertainment. A more flamboyant relative of the Politics Troll.
Intellectual Troll (Trollus paradoxus)
Distinguished by its better-than-average spelling, and occasionally camouflaging as a sane person, this troll will use considerable resources of education and natural ability to e. g. squick fellow posters by finding incestuous themes in a children's cartoon. Quite dangerous, due to its ability of mimicry.
Unintelligible Troll (Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus)
This troll, more than any other species, is remarkable by its immensely messed-up spelling and syntax, to the point of incomprehensability. May sometimes be a case of False Troll.
Strawman's Troll (Trollus schizophrenus)
A scourge of message boards, this troll is spawned solely to act as an adversary to a "normal" poster, in order to make them look good. Swift action may be in order to stop the flame war of which this species lives.
False Troll (Pseudotrollus)
While usually considered a troll, this is in fact a distinct species. See IDIOT.
Last edited by Anonymous on Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
- SirMustapha
- Junior Secretariat
- Posts: 4428
- Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2001 8:20 pm
- Location: South of South America
- Contact:
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
I need to hang this on my bedroom wall.
"I know that the bourgeoisie stinks, but it has money to buy perfume."
-- Falcão
-- Falcão
-
- Advisory Technical Manager
- Posts: 1037
- Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2003 11:05 am
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Kind of ironic that trolls can't read this.
Before continuing, it may be in your best interest, dear reader, to stop and ponder this. Picture it in your mind's eye. An evil one-eyed midget named Cheatum swam across the Gulf of Mexico wearing a shark fin on his back and then planted a bomb on a boat. Think about that. Let that sink in. Now. Wouldn't you want to buy a wrestling show after seeing this?
Dance Epidemic tonight!
Liverpool European Champions 2005. Go on the Kop!
Dance Epidemic tonight!
Liverpool European Champions 2005. Go on the Kop!
-
- Safety Technician
- Posts: 265
- Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2004 3:28 pm
- Location: D's Diner (Sweden)
- Contact:
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Hehe, cool stuff. Mind if I make an addendum?
The pachydermus subspecies of any of the above.
Thickskinned buggers that will go through great lengths to circumvent bans and the like to keep their sinister agenda moving.
Edit: Cripes, reading that again I mistook myself for a Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus..
The pachydermus subspecies of any of the above.
Thickskinned buggers that will go through great lengths to circumvent bans and the like to keep their sinister agenda moving.
Edit: Cripes, reading that again I mistook myself for a Trollus lysergicus diethylamidus..
Last edited by Hellfish on Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
And what's the deal with traffic theory?
- Stretch_Dude
- Junior Secretariat
- Posts: 4019
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2001 10:40 am
- Location: New Jersey
- Contact:
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Another board I'm on had one of those. Jerk kept coming back even after numerous IP bans, and one time even commandeered other members' accounts to spew his gibberish.Hellfish wrote: Hehe, cool stuff. Mind if I make an addendum?
The pachydermus subspecies of any of the above.
Thickskinned buggers that will go through great lengths to circumvent bans and the like to keep their sinister agenda moving.
I memorized "Holy Grail" really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
- "Weird Al" Yankovic, "White and Nerdy"
"Any pile of stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more, deserves to doom themselves to some dank cell, somewhere, for having been so stupid!! Movies, books, T.V., music - they're all just entertainment, not guidebooks for damning yourself!" - Nny
I draw too, dammit!
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
- "Weird Al" Yankovic, "White and Nerdy"
"Any pile of stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more, deserves to doom themselves to some dank cell, somewhere, for having been so stupid!! Movies, books, T.V., music - they're all just entertainment, not guidebooks for damning yourself!" - Nny
I draw too, dammit!
- aoifestorm
- Sub-sector Control Officer
- Posts: 1676
- Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2002 11:05 pm
- Location: NYC
- Contact:
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Ahahhaaha, Awesome find, Chris! This one is going out to friends.
Homer eats a little too much Chile to strong pepper and is found with hullicinations amongst other things it speaks with a dog.
- c_nordlander
- Insane Underling
- Posts: 12824
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2001 2:00 pm
- Custom Title: We have space marines at home
- Location: not a place of honour
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Thanks, Markus! I'll definitely remember that one (and credit its describer) if I ever make an updated version of the list.
Pretty little baby
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
Pretty little monster
Went to the good school
Left with honours
Brand new tycoon
Sitting with a harpoon
-- Mother Mother, "Business Man"
Now offering writing commissions! Fanfiction or original, PM me for more information.
-
- Advisory Technical Manager
- Posts: 941
- Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2005 3:52 pm
- Location: Middle Earth
Re: The Natural History of the Internet Troll
Good one Chris, I will keep this for reference for my future "forum" ahemm.. webpage, It seems that you are always on top of things and for that I'll give you a thumbs up.
Last edited by OARRIAGA2001 on Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Never judge a book by its cover.....